My Dreams Are Fucked.

Woke up half teary-eyed in the middle of the night after dreaming that a table of five people, only one of whom I know and would rather not mention, spent their time picking on me and laughing at me and doing their damnedest to make me feel bad for no reason. The one person I do know came over to my table and said he knew I was having a bad time and didn't mean to hurt my feelings but then proceeded to rejoin his table and laugh at me until I was crying. The whole thing felt pretty real and when I woke up, I felt all disoriented for a minute until M asked if I was ok. Guh. Stupid dreams.

A Break From The Squishiness.

M dropped me off at home around 10ish last night after taking me to dinner and a movie. I got up to my front door, put the key in the lock, turned it and started crying. Just like that...for no reason. He'd been asking me if I was ok and what was wrong all night, telling me I looked sad and that he didn't like it when I looked like that, but I didn't have anything to say because nothing was exactly wrong. I have very little to complain about, except the ongoing issue of never having enough money, and I'm happier now than I've been in I don't even know how long. Obviously, there's something eating at me and it has yet to surface. I haven't remembered my dreams lately and there's usually some clarity in the ones I do remember, so I must be holding something back from my conscious mind. I'm so wrapped up in feeling loved and wonderful that I'm blocking out reality maybe...who knows. The crying freaked me out a bit, though. I don't like losing control of my emotions and I definitely don't like thinking there must be something wrong with me that I can't put my finger on. I spent a good half hour questioning everything good in my life last night and that's just not right.

Stuff And Things And Stuff

Christmas was nice with the fam in Eugene and with friends that evening when I got back to Portland. Sunday, after sleeping in until the last possible second, I went with M to his parents' house for brunch with his dad's side of the family. This meant meeting about 20 of his relatives and a white elephant gift exchange. Everyone was welcoming and chatty so, after the first few minutes of anxiety, I felt right at home. The rest of the day was spent napping and stuff and whatever and we eventually got up and headed down the street to meet T & D for dinner at Noodlin' and dessert at Coldstone. I went to bed early and slept like dead. Couldn't have asked for a better holiday weekend.

Happy Holidays

Happy happy, joy joy! I got a digital camera and a stash of fun stuff under the tree and in my stocking... hope everyone else got what they wished for and that their holiday is spent just the way they wanted!

So Glad That's Over.

The dentist wasn't as bad as previous visits had traumatized me into thinking it would be. The whole process started at 3:30 pm, took almost an hour and when I was done, I was told I'd be numb for another two or so hours. I could finally feel the left side of my face at just after 8pm. That was really the worst part, aside from the aching jaw that has carried over into today. Thank gawd for Aleve...and a sweet boy who made a special trip to the store to have Jello and pudding waiting for me since he knew I couldn't eat anything solid last night. Frickin' adorable.

Going to the bar to sing for awhile tonight. Come out and play. Also, totally in love with the Garden State soundtrack at the moment. In love.

So Nice To Hear...

Friday night, the whole office got taken to dinner at the Portland City Grill and a few of us brought dates. This morning, I was bombarded with comments about how great they think M is for me and how much they liked him and how everyone thought we make a cute couple. It's cool to hear that other people see a little of what I see...

I'm Full Of Sappy Stuff And Things

I'm not really a fan of pet names, but I love it that he calls me "sugar." He looks at me like there's no one else in the room. And he took me to work this morning so I wouldn't be late. I've got the warm fuzzies.

Sonofa...

I have to go back to the dentist to have my tooth fixed NEXT WEEK!!! I have to wait a whole frickin' week!!! *sigh* Since it's not hurting me and there's nothing else wrong in my mouth that needs fixing (I take pretty good care of my teeth), they said it didn't need to be fixed right then and as long as I'm not in pain, they'd schedule an appointment for me to come back...NEXT WEEK!! I should have said it was killing me. At least she rounded off the pointy parts and it's not poking my tongue anymore. *grumble grumble*

I'd Like To Take A Moment To Whine...

...about having to go to the dentist today. I don't even know when or how it happened, but I noticed Sunday that a piece of an old filling had disappeared and now there's a small hole in my molar. It's making me crazy and scraping my tongue. I have an appointment to have it looked at today and I can't even begine to explain how much I hate going to the dentist. I've had very few visits that didn't incite tears. The worst part about today's visit is that they said they probably aren't even going to fix it! I think it's only an exam and x-rays today so I'll have to go back! Plus, today is our office holiday potluck and my dentist appointment is right in the middle of lunch so I don't get to eat and socialize with my co-workers. Guh. This seriously sucks. The only thing that would make it better is if they decide to fix it today...at least then I'd get shot up with lidacaine and wouldn't be able to eat anything anyway. Frickin' hell.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Another ridiculously good weekend has come and gone. I don't know what the deal is but I'm frickin' happy all the time lately. I can't even say how many times I've tried to step back and do a reality check - I can honestly say I've never had anyone treat me like he does ever - and I'm sorta in shock. I'm so used to giving everything, getting very little in return and forcing myself to be content with that... I catch myself on the verge of happy tears over little things like playing the guitar and singing to me or letting me sleep all day and wake up to find him making me lunch or asking how my day at work went. It's a little overwhelming to have someone care so much about what I want...

I told him a couple weeks ago that I've never told anyone I've dated that I love them. I'm realizing that I never said it for a good reason: no one has ever deserved to hear it from me before now.

He Turns Me To Mush...

I'd like to find words that adequately express how I'm feeling but they all seem to fall short. Suffice it to say that I could fall into those grey eyes of his and I wouldn't want to get back up.

Sleep Is Good.

I watched my all-time favorite movie last night, What A Way To Go, and fell asleep about two minutes after it ended at 9ish. I feel much better today...had the sweetest dreams and good, solid sleep.

Weird Headspace...

I didn't sleep last night. My brain was too busy worrying about things I can't control and that left me sleepless. I'm completely distracted today and it's taking way more effort than usual to get my work done. I've found myself on the verge of tears for no apparent reason other than that the remodeling started and I'm just not myself today. Also, I'm completely crazy about M and that freaks me out a little bit...but in a good way. When I wake up, the first person that pops into my head is him and that thought makes me smile.

Need to sleep soon....

So Ready For Two Days Off...

I'm still sick, in case you're wondering. Took two more Tylenol Flu PMs, slept like dead last night and woke up to the old lady smoker's cough. Gross. Whatever's ailing me is trying to get out and the sooner it's gone, the better. Didn't get Indian food last night, but did get my favorite alfredo sauced pasta w/ Taryn and that hit the spot. The little bit of window shopping we did afterward had me zonked out 5 minutes after I got home. Hopefully I'll get a second wind tonight and be able to socialize a bit...I can just see me getting home and passing out until noon tomorrow. Ooo, and I get to do laundry this weekend at home! They finally put a washer and dryer in our building! I never thought I'd be so happy about doing laundry... Ok, back to the grind. It training day for the new kid and I'm the trainer.

Kill The Cold

I love the cold weather, but I hate being sick. I stayed home from work on Tuesday and slept from 8:30am 'til 3pm and then went back to sleep at 7:30pm, woke up to a phone call at 10pm and went right back to sleep until the alarm went off at 7:45am. I felt better yesterday day, but as soon as I get comfortable and think about sleeping, I'm a disaster. This head cold has got to go away soon...I had to leave the Bonfire early last night because the smoke was killing my throat. Hopefully, if I stay home tonight and go to bed early, I'll feel better enough to go out tomorrow. And maybe some Indian food will help clear my head too...

And now to the Sky Cam for the traffic report: traffic appears to be moving steadily with no signs of congestion or hold ups... enjoy it while it lasts, folks.