Feeling retro

I remember the very first record, and by record I do mean vinyl, I ever bought: Purple Rain by Prince and the Revolution. It was 1984 and I was 10. In fact, I still have it on display in my room. I don't have anything to play it on anymore, so I broke down and bought it on cd about two months ago. I'm listening to it today at work and I'm becoming more and more convinced that this album is partly responsible for warping my mind. I'm curious what in the hell my parents were thinking letting me listen to this at 10 years old. Don't get me wrong, the album still rocks, but that Prince guy or the artist formerly known as or whatever he's calling himself these days was the king of not-so-subtle sexually charged lyrics in the early 80's. I know I was singing along with "When Doves Cry" and "Let's Go Crazy" 18 years ago and had no idea what I was talking about or what the songs meant. I just knew that I liked the music and I could dance around the living room to them. Those songs are actually a couple of the tame ones but don't even get me started on "Darling Nikki." I think it's great that Prince was gettin' his freak on back in '84, but my 10 year old mind was not ready for that kind of input. To this day, that song creeps me out. So, yes, I blame Prince and the Revolution for my late blooming and neurotic behavior around men during my teen years. Damn you, Prince.

Wanted: partner in crime

One of these days, I'm going to be really, really bad. I'm gonna be so bad, people walking toward me on the street will cross and walk on the other side just to avoid my badness. People will call me a hooligan and curse the parents that brought a kid that bad into the world. Circle Ks and 7-11s will have a little photo of me near the register to warn the checkers not to let me touch the Slurpee machines or the nacho cheeze dispensers. I'm gonna be so bad that dogs will run away from me with their tails between their legs and little children will cry and hide behind their mothers. I'm gonna wear bad clothes and have bad hair and have a badass pet monkey. My name and bad will one day be synonymous. Hmm, then I'd be Michael Jackson and that would be bad. Better stick to what I know and keep being good....

Head full of goo

Can't.....find.....the.....words..... Must.....regain......logical.....thinking....ability....

So, I'm going to Portland on Friday because I'm either a glutton for punishment or a romantic optimist. Not sure which. One day the answer to all of my love life dilemmas will fall out of the sky carrying a lifetime supply of AbbaZabbas and plain M&Ms with all the blue ones picked out. Until then, I'm stuck trying to sort my silly crap out on my own and hopefully keep my heart from getting trampled by suicidal lemmings or kamikazi squirrels. I'm pretty sure once I decide between the black punk shirt with the chest zipper and the girlie black peasant shirt, everything else will fall into place. Where's a guy opinion when you need one??

Gotta love those long weekends

Sleep is my friend and I got lots of it this past weekend. Now, don't go thinking I wasted the last three days and four nights lolling around in my pjs and eating chili out of the can. Oh no, not me...I did stuff. I went out Friday night and took advantage of quarter drink night at Tsunami with some friends. I did laundry, washed my parents' car, freehand detailed the paint on their bedroom ceiling and picked up dinner for them Saturday. Sunday, being the traditional day of rest, was dedicated to vegging on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Dave Matthews Band ice cream and watching movies (Ghost World and Original Sin). Yesterday was supposed to be a kids day out at OMSI but ended up being an artistic expression day in instead. Pulled out the box o' beads and made myself a necklace while watching Star Wars Episode 1 and Made. Finished reading House of Leaves yesterday too. Bizarre book. So, yeah....long weekends rock.

An Ode to Fridays

Oh Friday, how I do love thee! The way you tease me into thinking it's the weekend but never let me have you all to myself. You're a naughty day, Friday....but you know I love it. By the time you get here, I'm so tired from running in overdrive through Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday that I can't even think straight. But you don't hold that against me, Friday, I that's just one of the many reasons I love you. You're always there just when I need you...right when I think the week will never end, you come around and make everything ok. You always support my late night adventures and you take care of me when I get a little crazy with the amaretto sours and microbrew. Plus, you never fail to show up when you say you will, even when I just want to stay in all night and watch a movie on the couch in my jammies. Friday, you're the best! *big wet smoochies for Friday*

Summer games

Softball season officially began for me last night. We are in the recreational co-ed division, so everyone is just out to have a good time and more than likely go out for beers after the games. This is the third year I've played with most of the same people on a summer city league team and while I always whine about going to practice and wishing for a rainout, I had a blast last night. Oh yeah, AND we won by about ten runs. =) Not a bad way to spend a few hours on a Wednesday evening, eh? 9 more Wednesdays like that definitely isn't something to whine about....

In other news, I've been lent some balls (somewhat used, but apparently no worse for wear) that I intend to put to good use by the end of the month. As I've never officially asked anyone out on a date, I've decided it's time. Mr. Crush, if you don't say yes, I'm gonna cry. Seriously. Thanks go out to Rob for donating his cojones to a good cause.

Won't you be my neighbor?

The jackass that used to live in the apartment behind me has moved out! Huzzah! Normally, this would be as good a reason as any to celebrate, but last night, my new neighbor started moving in...at 9:30 pm. She's a little hippie chick and since my bedroom shares a wall with her whole apartment (she's got a studio), right about the time I wanted to hit the sack, I could hear blaring music coming through the wall. Phish or some crap like that. I did my normally adequate wall pounding and got no response. In fact, I think they turned the music up to drown out my pounding, but I could have just been imagining that. So, I opened the window that looks out onto her front porch hoping to catch her and ask if she'd turn that shyte down, only to be engulfed in a haze of incense and pot smoke coming from her kitchen window. Niiice. I was also aurally assulted by the skateboarding twins that though it was a good idea to set up a mini vert ramp in the alley next to my house and start thrashing at 10:30pm. Crotchety old lady to the rescue!! I put on my clogs and a sweater over my pjs and went out to throw the smack down. What actually happened is that I was really nice and just asked if they knew how loud their skating and crashing was from where I live and if they'd mind starting a little earlier so I can get some sleep. What a wuss I am. I even apologized for harshing their gig. The skater dude was super nice and thanked me for coming out and being cool about it. I also went and knocked on hippie chick's door and let her know who I was and how thin the walls were and how early the rest of the house has to get up in the morning. She said our landlord had told her the walls were really thick, so she had no idea. I cleared that up real quick and said she'd give me her phone number when her phone gets connected so I could call if she was being too loud. Ok, I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is hippie music and I didn't have the balls to say anything about that. Damn. I need to get a set or at least borrow some from one of the guys I know.

Phobias

Turns out there's a clinical term for being afraid of just about everything. Who knew there are people out there who have been diagnosed with philophobia (fear of falling in love) or philemaphobia (fear of kissing) or geliophobia (fear of laughter)? I wonder what happens to these people when whatever they're afraid of presents itself? Say for example, someone who's euphobic (fear of hearing good news)....what happens to them when they hear their favorite basketball team won or their kid got into the college they wanted or they get to have corn with dinner? Then there are the folks with dromophobia (fear of crossing streets) or decidophobia (fear of making decisions)....they probably don't get a whole lot done. The ones I really wonder about are the cibophobics (fear of food). What's up with that? Not to say any of these fears aren't valid or real for the people who have them - I just can't imagine being afraid of food. Except maybe liver pate or something you have to eat alive like on Fear Factor. Anyhoo, I scanned the phobia list for fear of moldy cheese and fear of belly button lint, but I didn't find either. Damn. I thought for a long time I was coulrophobic (fear of clowns). Turns out that since I can still function around clowns, it's not really a phobia. I still think they're creepy.

That did not just happen.

I really hate having crushes. It messes with my head. My head is messed up enough, thanks very much. So, I'm hanging out after the aforementioned show with the band guys and everyone is either bombed or well on their way (except me...3 is the magic number and my drink max when I'm with these people). There are 5 different conversations going on and I'm chatting with Mr. Crush and this girl I've met a few times who's pretty cool. I'm thinking I'll be able to steal him away to the deck for a second to talk about the previous weekend's extracurricular activities and tell him what's going on in my head. So, I make my way to the bathroom to psyche myself up. Not two minutes later, I come out and cool chick's roommate has dragged Mr.Crush into the kitchen. D'oh. But wait, there's more. Five minutes or so go by and cool chick's roommate goes prancing through the living room to the stairs and flashes the room the "I'm a bad bad girl" grin and heads up to Mr. Crush's room. Another five minutes go by and Mr. Crush cruises through from the kitchen to the stairs and heads up. At this point, I am about dying. What's the moral of the story, kids? She who hesitates sleeps on the couch while the guy she's had a crush on is upstairs with some random chick. *sigh* Anyway, the next morning, I'm talking to another friend who lives in the house and I tell him about what happened and why I'm bummed out. His input was that Mr. Crush is an idiot and I should give him a lecture and steal his shoes. Good plan. Once the chick left, Mr. Crush and I sat and watched a movie and talked about whatever and cat napped. At one point, I got up to brush my teeth and he apologized for not being very entertaining in his hung over condition and I said not to worry - I'll give you a lecture and steal your shoes right after I brush my teeth. He looked a bit sheepish when I got back so I was glad that his brother came down right then and joined the hangover party. Mr. Crush and I made a border run for breakfast and everything was normal, so I'm thinking cool, we can just go back to being friends and I'll pretend the previous weekend never happened. Cool. Did I mention that I had e-mailed him a note last Monday asking him out? And that he hasn't read it yet? So, now there's this invite hanging out there and I'm still a wuss and I've promised I'll go up and visit on the 31st. I really really hate having crushes.

I just had to see this...

Nice one...so true...

Which Kiss Are You?

The music in my head

Won't you take me to...Funky Town!! Sad as it is, I had that song stuck in my head all morning. Yesterday it was that damn N*SYNC song "Girlfriend"..... Look, shut up, I know it's cheezy pop, but it got stuck! I can't control what gets in and sticks and what doesn't, so don't look at me like that. It really could have been worse... it could have been Debbie Gibson or some crap like that. Watched this thing about the Neptunes last night (if you don't know who they are, you have been living in a box for the last 10 years or so) and it turns out they wrote some of the lyrics and music and I got to see the video for "Rump Shaker"..... I laughed so hard that if I'd been drinking milk, it wouldn't have been pretty. I stopped laughing shortly after that song kicked N*SYNC out and made itself a comfy little bed for the evening. Where's the brain remote?? Lessee, VCR, tv, stereo....nope no brain clicker. I dug around in the couch looking for it and didn't find anything other than 46¢ and the sock that's been missing since March. Damn.

Yeah, it's Friday!! Wait, it's only Thursday...damn.

Why does it seem like time just creeps by when you're looking forward to something but flies by when you have nothing on the horizon? I'm heading north yet again this Saturday to see another group of friends' band, The Jeffersons and grab some grub before that with family. I'll be practicing my voodoo cursing until then to fill the time waiting for it to be Saturday. Moo! Moo!! Mooo!!!

Did it work? Did you fall in love with me? I'm gonna have to keep working on that....

That wacky Jhonen Vasquez

Soap Opera Central

This is just screwed up, but here's the history: the 20-somethings in this little drama are Talia, the ingenue, Mason, the brooding introvert, and Jacob, the all around good guy. Talia and Jacob have been acquainted for about 5 years and Talia has had a crush on Jacob for most of that time, but has never pursued it. Both Talia and Jacob have been out of the dating scene for some time. Mason is new to the social circle and keeps mostly to himself. Mason and Jacob are in a band together and have known each other for over a year. Talia and Mason met at a club two months ago, sort of hit it off and went out a few times. Talia finally gave in and slept with Mason, who soon after started pushing Talia away and acting uninterested in pursuing any sort of romantic relationship. Talia is put off by this behavior, but decides it's not worth chasing. Talia then has a heart-to-heart with Jacob and confesses that she's had a crush on him. Talia and Jacob spend hours talking about everything, including her short lived interest in Mason, and then Jacob finally leans in for the kiss... Talia goes home, completely confused and wondering what happens now....*fade out to sappy music and closing credits*

I hate soap operas...

Strange things are afoot

I think I've been abducted by aliens and replaced with an eerily-similar-but-not-quite-right clone. The last few months have been a departure from the normal quiet life I'm used to living and the only logical explaination is that I'm just not myself. This past weekend is just another prime example, but since it was clearly the result of an alien abduction, the government has requested that I issue the following statement for the press:

We are unaware of any extraterrestrial activity at this time. The US Air Force was running a series of tests on a new stealth aircraft and the incident yesterday morning was the result of technical difficulties that were beyond our control. There were no casualties or injuries and all personel involved have been given clearance to return to duty. We are currently working on the technical problem and will continue to issue updates as new information becomes available. Again, we would like to stress that the incident was not in any way related to extraterrestrial activity. Thank you.

But wait, there's more

Have I mentioned how much I love corn? I mean, I really love corn. Best invention since spray cheeze. Anything you put it in becomes infinitely better. Ok, not anything....don't go putting corn in your custard-filled maple bar. No, I said don't..... ok, but I warned you. Aw, dude, that's gross. Ok, I like corn, but dang! Here I was trying to help the people feel the corn love and you had to go and mess it up with your damn maple bar! Well poo on you! I'll take my corn love elsewhere, thankyouverymuch.... sick bastard.

TK Radio

The play list is as follows:

Propellerheads - Velvet Pants
Beastie Boys - The Grasshopper Unit
Incubus - Crowded Elevator
Abandoned Pools - Start Over
Remy Zero - -Prophesy
Home Grown - Suffer
Ednaswap - Without Within
Alien Ant Farm - Summer
Injected - Faithless
Lamb - Closer
Hoobastank - Running Away
Coldplay - Trouble

Girl: 0, Boy: 3

Wow. My offer of overnight company has been rejected 3 times in 5 days. By the same person even! Am I on a roll or what? Yeah! Go me! This calls for a celebration! Keep the pitchers of beer coming every 10 minutes until someone passes out and then bring them every 15....

In other news, I had that same dream again last night, only this time I looked up in time to see who was holding my hand - it was me! Another me sitting there like that was the most normal thing in the world, holding my hand and trying to be comforting. Sorta makes sense really: when it comes right down to it, the only person that takes care of me is me. Still don't know who or what was pulling me underwater. That's a little unnerving. That'll probably end up being me too. Just as soon as I get comfortable and relax into a situation, my over-analyzing brain kicks on and complicates stuff. Either that or it'll be that one guy from that one time. Dang guy.

Oh yeah, I swallowed one of the barbell ends from the stud through my tongue. Must not have screwed it on tight enough this morning because one minute it was there and the next minute I'm between bites of fruit cocktail and it's gone. D'oh!

Alarm clocks are evil

Whoa. I slept so hard last night that I didn't move once, so I'm surprized I remember this. I was standing in a smallish lake up to my knees with a white flowy dress on all renaissance style. It was really quiet, I was by myself and I could see the bottom of the lake because the water was so clear. There were little smooth rocks all over the place and not a fish or anything in the water with me. I could feel the rocks under my feet, kind of like a good solid foot rub, and I waded out until the water was waist high. I turned around to see how far out I'd gone from the shore and then layed back to float for a bit. The view changed, as it does in a lot of my dreams, so I was looking down on myself and everything looked so calm and....well... just nice. All of a sudden, I was sucked back into myself and something was pulling me under the water. I knew it was just waist deep where I'd started floating so I tried to put my feet down and stand up, but I couldn't get vertical because I was being pulled by my waist. When I tried to turn to see what was pulling me under, I was pushed up to the surface just long enough to catch a breath and then pulled under again. This happened a few times and I finally flailed around enough to get my feet to the bottom and stand up and when I looked around, there was nothing. No fish, no people...nothing. I moved toward the shore and ended up sitting under a tree, cold and wet and trying to catch my breath. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them and the next thing I know, someone is holding my hand and resting their head on my shoulder. When I turned to see who was sitting with me (and strangely didn't scare the bejeezus outta me when he sat down and touched me), my alarm went off and I woke up. Dang alarm. Funny thing is, my shoulder has been sore all day today....weird, eh?

Damn, damn, damn

When I didn't know what I was missing, things were so much easier. Hang out with me or don't, call me or don't....it didn't matter. Now I feel like a drug addict - I had a taste of the sweet stuff and I'm hooked. I wasn't lonely before because I didn't have anyone to be lonely for..... Now, I'm just melancholy a lot and my heart jumps every time an e-mail pops up or the phone rings. I pushed away anyone who tried to touch me or peek into my head before and now I can't seem to get close enough or give enough of myself. I used to build the wall higher and higher to keep people out before, but now I've not only torn it down, I've layed out a red carpet to make getting in a cake walk. Am I missing something? Is there anything more I could be doing? Could I be any more vulnerable? Throw me a bone, for cripe's sake.....

Direct Effect

As I was flipping through the channels yesterday, I stopped on MTV and saw three videos that just cracked me up: "AWNAH" by Nappy Roots, "Pass The Courvoisier" by Busta Rhymes w/ P. Diddy, and "Saturday (Oooh! Oooh!)" by Ludacris. Hip hop isn't my normal genre of choice when I'm cruising around the music store looking for cds, but these three songs had me shakin' what my momma gave me around the apartment (good thing for the neighbors the blinds were closed because I'm sure it wasn't pretty). For the record, Busta has always made kick ass videos, from "Woo-Ha!" with the fisheye lens shots and costumes to match the backdrops to "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" with the Coming to America-style storyline and blacklight painted sets to "Pass The Courvoisier" with all the cameos, 1920's costumes, and kung-fu action ending. Anyway, if you happen to be channel surfing and catch any of those videos, stop for a minute and just you try to keep your head from bobbing along to the beat.... ha! Not gonna happen....

People are weird

Ok, so I'm a fairly intelligent chick. I can tie my own shoes and know right from left. I look both ways before crossing the street and I can chew gum and type at the same time. I can speak English and Canadian and I've got a good sense of direction. That stuff is all fine and dandy, but it doesn't help me understand people any better. The people I know are weird. I mean really, seriously weird. Like freak show, travelling around the country with your pants on fire weird. I'd even go as far as saying from a parallel universe, evil mustache and goatee having, can't stop staring, Deliverance-style banjo playing weird. Yeah, I know! That's really weird! So, the point of all this is that I'm never gonna understand these people no matter what and I'm just gonna stop trying.

Promises, promises

I promise I'll never hog the tv remote or the covers. I promise I'll never put the milk carton back in the fridge empty. I promise I'll always tell you if those pants make your butt look big. I promise I'll always tell you when you have food stuck in your teeth. I promise I'll never miss the toilet when I pee. I promise I'll tell you if I think the song you just wrote sucks ass. I promise to always ask before I use your toothbrush. I promise I'll give you space when you want it. I promise I'll miss you when you're gone. I promise I'll never say I love you and not mean it. I promise I'll always save a dance for you. I promise I'll never make you dance if you don't want to. I promise I'll hold you for as long as you want me to. I promise I'll never make a promise I can't keep.