Last Night...She Said....

Went to see Party Monster with Eric last night before going over to the bar to meet up with everyone. Crazy movie. I liked it and at some point, I'll have to see it again. Still couldn't convince Eric to come to karaoke with me. I did, however, get to wake up with D and that's always nice. I'm excited for tomorrow night (nothing better than playing dress up) and only need to get some fairy wings and antennae to complete the costume. The rest is all make-up and a really cool dress, which I already have. The band guys are playing a show at Mt. Tabor and the bar is having a costume party, so I can't wait to see everyone all dressed up.

...The more I talk to D and spend time with him, the more I just want to take care of him. He doesn't give himself enough credit for being a good friend and a good person. He's intelligent, articulate, witty, sensitive...incredibly beautiful. The fact that he doesn't seem to know makes him that much more attractive. And I wish I had the nerve to say this stuff to him out loud...

It's All In My Head

He called me last night after we left the bar just to make sure I got home ok. Then he called me this morning just to say hi. Don't mind me and yesterday's post. I'm just being my normal retarded self.

Don't Wake Me From The Dream

The thoughts that are aching to be verbalized are filled with the potential to ruin everything. "If we're so different and want different things, what are you doing with me, anyway?" "For every little thing you do say, there are a million things left unsaid and those are the things I hear." "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you and that would make you feel whole." All comments that reek of a desire to push him away. That's honestly the last thing I want, but I know how conversations like that usually end. And so I'm quiet. Strangely, I think he's sometimes mad at me for caring about him. It's as if he doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy and can't imagine why I'd waste my time with him. I see more of who he is than maybe he wants me to and it's given me perspective on the reality of our relationship. He's spending time with me because he doesn't want to be alone and I happen to be agreeable. He sees himself as someone who is ultimately bad for me and focuses on that instead of acknowledging the possibility that we could balance each other out and be good for each other. ...I wish he could see what I see and I wish I didn't have the sinking feeling that he'll eventually, like all the others, break my heart......

A Good Kind Of Tired

The past weekend was pretty frickin' rad. Friday night, I went down to the bar early, hung out with Luke and Noah and got something to eat before the crowd showed up. Shauna and Trip headed out to the coast for the weekend, so I expected to have to leave early to catch a bus home, but D said he'd take me home and that was that. We spent most of the weekend together just hanging out and whatnot either at my house, out at the bar or the apartment he's watching for his boss. When he dropped me off at home yesterday around 2:30ish, I managed to take a shower and turn the computer on and promptly passed out until about 9ish, at which point I turned the computer off and went back to sleep until the alarm went off this morning. Oi.

He tells me about the music he loves (of which there's a whole lot). He tells me about his past relationships. He tells me about his family and where he grew up. He tells me I'm cute even when I've just woken up. He tells me he wants me to be happy and make me smile. He tells me he wants to always be honest with me. He tells me I'm amazing. And I don't know what to say...

Annoying Karaoke Couples

Gotta share the conversation we had last night about the couples that have evolved at the karaoke bar: first, there are the couples that do the sappy romantic ballads...Badly. Please spare us the duets from Mannequin, Dirty Dancing, and/or American Tail. People don't want to hear that crap. If you're gonna sing a duet, take your cues from us and do the No Doubt w/ Bounty Killer version of "Hey Baby" because that's the shizznit. Then there are the girls who do the forbidden dance to every song (slow or not) and dedicate every song they sing to each other. Yeah, the first time we had to watch your little make-out show it was fine, but the act is getting old and no one thinks it's cute. Get over yourselves, girls.

In related news, being a cynic has it's privileges. We've convinced ourselves that since we're not exactly a couple and we don't do any of that cutesy crap, we're badass. Having said that, we've also established that we're dorks...But sometimes it's fun to be self-righteous.

Barely Breathing

Looks like my feminine charms aren't broken after all. Who knew? The karma gods have finally decided to smile on me and cut me a break in the dude department. I'm not holding my breath waiting for anything serious, but I'm really enjoying the time I spend with D and I'm taking what I can get. It's nice to feel content for once.

Shauna comes back tonight and we're going straight to the bar from the airport. Yeah baby yeah.

Weak

I couldn’t help it. He’s just too adorable and against everyone’s better judgement, I had to kiss him. D’oh. It was definitely a good idea at the time…

Aw. Yeah. Baby.

Who went out anyway and won $100 at Karaoke From Hell last night at Dante's? Yeah, that'd be me. WoooooooooooooooooooHoooooooooooooo!!!!!

Just To Clarify

I realized that I didn't exactly give any background to the first post of the day so I figured I'd better elaborate on the situation and get you people up to speed. My social circles are constantly morphing and, at the moment, the primary group revolves around the bar. It's from this group that Shauna found her new boyfriend (I've changed my attitude toward him and things are cool now) and I've been careful not to take anyone too seriously, mostly because when you spend as much time with people as I have with these folks, lines tend to blur and things get confused in my head. Inevitably, the best laid plans don't always work out as...planned. At this point, I should introduce the boy in question - bar regular, voice like an angel, super affectionate and absolutely adorable... a lonely soul who hasn't figured out that running around with whoever happens to be willing only leaves you with a lonlier, emptier feeling than you had before because you haven't made any kind of solid connection with anyone. Sadly, I can't tell him that because he'll have to figure it out on his own to actually get it. Anyway, on so many levels we're on the same page - we've even started finishing each other's sentences. I don't even know how it all happened, but it's completely ridiculous. As we all know, I wear my heart on my sleeve and rarely hold my tongue when there's a situation that's messing with my head, so at one point about two weeks ago I laid it out for him: I think he's great and adorable and it frustrates me that he's not serious about being in a relationship. Things have since then gotten more frustrating because of all the attention and blatant honesty about wanting to kiss me, thinking that I'm girlfriend material, not wanting to get serious with anyone right now, etc... To add to that, Friday and Saturday nights he stayed at my house, first night on the couch and the second night in my room(though I still haven't even kissed him), and by Sunday morning we were cuddled up and having the "one of us needs to get more serious or one of us needs to get less serious" talk. Guh. All of that led up to last night and my needing to get out of the bar before everyone else at the end of the night.

It's a damn good thing it's Monday and I stay home on Monday nights. I don't want to deal with any of that stuff today....it's just movies and laundry and that's it.

When I Left The Bar Last Night…

….and got in the car, the uninvited, unexpected tears started. I’d been careful to keep my distance and keep my eyes wide open but after yesterday morning, I guess I let my guard down and it came back to kick me in the ass. We’ve been honest with each other from the start so if I’m hurt, it’s my own fault. I know he’s not looking for anything serious and he knows I am. We're in agreement that one of us needs to change because there's some kind of a connection there and it would be silly to ignore that. It’s a constant topic of discussion and the reason I won’t even let him kiss me, though he’s made it perfectly clear he’d like to, given the chance... Guh. This is exactly what I didn’t want….a complicated mess of emotional crap. I wish I didn’t like the attention and I wish it didn’t hurt my feelings when I see him giving it to someone else.

Days Go By...

...and still I'm going out. I should really think about staying home once in awhile. You know, do laundry, run the dishwasher, etcetera etcetera..... This is just getting ridiculous.

School Of Rock

Since it was my day off and I had but one plan (taking Shauna to the airport), I figured I'd just see where the day takes me after getting breakfast with Trip. I dropped him off at home and then headed back to the house to wash the smoke from last night's party out of my hair. That done, I sat down on the couch, closed my eyes and tried to think of nothing. The first thing that popped into my head was going to a movie, so I headed over to the mall and caught School of Rock. For lack of a better phrase, it rocked. Jack Black is one funny dude and the kids are great. It was well worth the free movie pass I used on it. I was still in a movie watching mood after wandering around the mall when School of Rock was over, so I hit Blockbuster on the way home and got Dreamcatchers (I read the book and the director/screenwriter did a great job adapting it), X-Pax (I love Kevin Spacey) and some based-on-a-true-story vampire cult movie. Sweet. Oh yeah, the party last night was full of crazy drama - one of the owner's dad made a huge deal about me singing, which was awkward and uncomfortable, and at the end of the night, the same owner and Lara the KJ got into it over some earlier drama between a friend of his who was being a complete asshole to Lara. Good times. Can't wait to go down there tomorrow night and see how things panned out....

Just Got Paid, It's Friday Night...

...and I've got a three day weekend coming up. Yeah baby! Shauna is heading back down to LA for two weeks on Monday and we're going to that party Sunday night so since I had a personal day to take before December 10th, I figured it'd be good to sleep in on Monday and then take Shauna to the airport. I'm trying to get myself out of the grumpy love funk and a long weekend is sure to help. Plus, Mom and Dad are leaving for their month of cruising around Europe tomorrow and I'll get to hang out with them for lunch tomorrow during their 4 hour layover. So, I'm having a vision of good times this weekend and if anyone tries to mess that up, I'm going to be forced to kick them. Hard. Right in the junk.

Interesting...Provocative...Well-Seasoned?

Well, it was another thrilling night at the Boiler Room, complete with drama galore. Watching it all was more than entertaining but my night was made good by the brief but much appreciated appearance of Corey (he's such a sweetie...now we just have to figure out how to get rid of his girlfriend....nah, just kidding) and singing "Proud Mary" at the end of the night with Patrick. As usual, I got the joy and privelage of driving all the drunk people home and I expect the good karma genie to grant me those wishes I've earned any day now. I have to go back to the bar today because I think I accidentally left my glasses there and being able to see is always good. Also, Amy and Jason are back from their So Cal vacation and Amy agreed to be my date for the party on Sunday so I don't have to sit in the corner by myself and sing songs like "It's My Party" or "Creep".... sweet!

Make That I Rested...

I figured I'd succumb to the bar demon and go out last night even though I said I wasn't going to, but the decision was made for me when I found out that Shauna had invited someone I don't much care for (who, coincidentally, she's starting to get involved with...I can only hope it's a passing fancy and he's nothing more than the much needed rebound boy) and she didn't actually leave to go out until after 10pm. I opted out and got a full night's sleep. Tonight is round two of the sleep-a-thon and it's nice to be home just relaxing by myself (Shauna is out again with rebound boy). Strange but true, I'm waffling about whether I want to head down to the bar tomorrow night. As much as I try not to be cynical and bitter, lately I'm annoyed by publically affectionate couples and I don't think I could deal with seeing Shauna and rebound boy acting all lovey-dovey if the mood hits them. Yeah, I admit it, I'm jealous of all those squishy couples - not in an "I want your boyfriend" kind of way, but rather in an "I want that feeling" kind of way - and it sucks. The worst of it at the moment is this private semi-formal party at the bar on Sunday that Shauna and I got invites to and as far as I know everyone who's been invited has someone to bring as their "plus one" except me. Lovely. Guh, I'm going to bed... this is just depressing...

And On The Seventh Day They Rested

Since last Tuesday, Shauna and I have been at the bar every night. We’ve showed up around 9ish and closed it out every night. Between Tuesday morning and Friday after work, I’d gotten 8 hours of sleep total and still managed to stay out every night. I told myself I wasn’t going to go out again the next night when I got home every night. And then 8:30p rolled around and I looked at Shauna and she looked at me and we kinda shrugged, nodded toward the door and went out every night. Drinks have been drank, songs have been sung and sleep has been missed every night. Holy crap.

Today is Monday and Shauna has to work until 9pm. Monday is open-mic comedy night at the bar. We don't do comedy. Tonight, we rest.

Oh The Drama!

So, we're sitting there last night at the Boiler Room (yes, I know it was Tuesday and not the regular night....don't you worry, we're going back tonight) and we're talking and drinking our drinks and laughing and generally having a good time when all of a sudden, there's the sound of breaking glass and a large hole appears in the window behind the table where the kj sits. In a matter of about ten seconds, the entire male patronage of the bar sprinted out the doors and chased after the cracked out dude who'd just been 86'd from the place for being a jackass and felt like he needed to get some aggression out by putting his foot through a pane of glass. Needless to say, the music stopped and the people were stunned into silence for a few minutes as we all took in what had just happened. It was all so quick that when some of the boys from our table came back and said that the police had caught the guy and, because he was struggling to get away and resisting arrest, clubbed him before they took him down to the station, I didn't even know what exactly had happened, if anything, to provoke him. Once the story was sorted out by the bartender, the owner and the police officer who came in to take statements and see if they wanted to press charges, everyone started to breathe again and reassess the plan for the rest of the evening since karaoke there was obviously ruined. We hung out with the folks who work there for a bit and then decided we were hungry so we headed over to the Roxy and got breakfast (mmmm, french toast and bacon). Then decided we weren't tired so it sounded like a good idea at the time to go back to our house and play board games. The window kicker's crack must have rubbed off on us because we staying up all night. I haven't slept at all since 7am yesterday. And if you didn't catch it the first time around, I'm going out again tonight to see Captured By Robots and then sing at the bar. Have I mentioned that I'm going to court with my asst. manager tomorrow morning at 9am to learn the process for appearing on the company's behalf in an eviction case? Yeah, I'm insane. I know.