No Rest For The Wicked

I fell asleep on the couch around 6:30 yesterday and didn't wake up until almost 9...at which point, I went into my room and crawled into bed. Next thing I know, it's 3am and I'm wide awake, tossing and turning and just not able to get comfortable. Usually when I can't sleep, I take a hot bath or shower and then go back to bed. So I did. I managed to fall back to sleep, but kept waking up every hour or so until my alarm went off at 7:45. This is why I should not take naps....or think.

The weekend was good...weird at times (Friday night), but good overall. Tonight may be a Dante's night.

Old Crush Revisited

Ah, crushes. Crushes have gone both ways for me: awful, gut-wrenching pipe dreams and sweet, mutual attractions that turn into something great. I'm hoping this one turns out to be the latter because we're already friends. I have always said it's far better (for me, at least) to be friends with someone before you get into a relationship with them, partly because the relationship will then have a solid base and partly because if it doesn't work out and you're actually friends, things can end amicably. I just know that it's nice to be interested in someone nice for a change. I'm sick of being treated like I'm not worth the effort.

Whisper In My Ear

"I wish I could make things better, I really do..." It doesn't make any sense, but I believe him.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

I need new clothes for spring. It's getting too warm in this office to keep wearing two layers. This skirt is bugging the hell out of me and the knee socks I have on under it keep sliding down. Grrr...

I'm staying home tonight and hopefully watching a movie. Any distraction will do at this point. I also have to go grocery shopping tonight. I'm getting sick of tuna and cottage cheese. I'm getting sick of a lot of things, actually. Maybe I'm just getting sick.

I need a hair cut. I need a date. I need to see that zombie movie. I need to finish decorating our apartment. I need a vacation.

Eternal Sunshine Vetoed Dawn Of The Dead

So instead of seeing the zombie flick, Nikki and I opted for the new Jim Carrey/Kate Winslet movie. We both agreed that no matter how heinous anyone was to us, we would never want to delete them from our memories. Interesting story lines, casting for the secondary characters was a little off, but it was all around a good movie. Also, I wish I had a job where I could dress and have hair like Kate Winslet's character because if I did, I so would...

Sushi, The Law, and Zombies

Last night, my whole office went to the Portland City Grill for dinner (paid for by the company for acheiving a goal set about a month ago) and between drinks, sushi and a vanilla bean creme brulee for dessert, I felt like I made the most of the company's money. Good food and drinks are always nice, but free good food and drinks are awesome.

I went straight from the restaurant to the bar, meaning I still had a black suit on from work, and Brad says, "So you're a lawyer now?" to which I responded, "Yes, yes I am." Later he asked if he could talk to me seriously for a sec and proceeds to make up a story about how he needs representation and he did, in fact, do it, but could I get him off.... I said he may not know it, but I've never been defeated in court and since I've watched a lot of Law & Order, I'm pretty confident in my litigation abilities. As I was leaving, after singing my new favorite Bon Jovi song, I told Brad I had to go research a case down at the law library but I'd probably come by after I was done today. Remind me not to go straight from work to the bar again.

Now I'm off to see Dawn Of The Dead... gotta love zombie movies.

Boys Are Mean.

I could write volumes on this topic but that would be a waste of time and wouldn't change anything. Suffice it to say that being mean to nice girls like me will eventually come back and bite you in the ass (and I don't mean in a fun, playful way).

My Thumb Hurts, My Head Hurts, And My Heart Hurts. Great.

I guess I'm going out tonight. If you see me, hug me or kiss me...I need it.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Tonight is the first night in about two weeks that I'm staying home. It's not even 8 and already I'm remembering why I go out all the time. I haven't felt much like being alone lately. When I am, I end up thinking about ridiculous things like how much I miss just cuddling up on the couch with someone and watching a movie together. I'm happy enough on my own. I'm independent and don't need to be with anyone. The thing is, I want to be... I miss having a best friend. I miss holding hands. I miss being kissed just before I fall asleep. I miss all of it. So, it's become clear to me that I go out all the time so I don't have to think about it. I can pretend I'm untouchable and don't care about anything if I drink enough and sing enough and listen to people's stories and laugh even when I don't feel like laughing. Here, at home, it's quiet and all I hear is my own annoying head voice reminding me that I'm alone and there's nothing loud enough in this room to drown it out.

While We're On The Topic Of Food...

I've been eating meat like there's no tomorrow. Can't get enough bacon, I've been craving beef jerky, and bbq chicken sounds so tasty right now. We don't have anywhere to bbq, but Lara has a George Foreman grill and come Friday when I get paid again, I'm coming home from work and going straight to Freddy's to get a flank steak. I'm not sure what the hell happened to me but the next time my folks come up, I'm suggesting that we go to Morton's for dinner.

I've also been wanting to cook more, which is crazy since our kitchen is so small. I want to make stir-fry and steamed rice and grill some fish and I need to stop now because I'm making myself really hungry and none of that stuff is here to make. Sonofa...

I'm In Avocado Heaven.

Just came back from the store with two ripe avocados and oh my gawd are they good. Any fruit or vegetable that you can just cut in half and scoop out with a spoon rules. Jesus, I'm lazy.

It's Like I'm Not Even Myself

If I could find a way to bottle up and save the way I feel when I'm singing at the bar for whenever I feel like I do right now, I'd be a whole lot happier. And I'd be rich 'cause I'd sell that shit on the black market and make millions.

The last few days have been interesting...ok, maybe not to you, but they have been for me. Out of 30ish people, I was the only one who got hurt bowling on Thursday (happens everytime...freaky thumbnail injury...stupid, really), I had my annual review at work on Friday and got a raise with a promise from my boss that she'd go to bat for me with the regional manager for a more substantial pay scale increase and title change, I tried Cold Stone ice cream yesterday (coffee and cake batter ice cream with carmel and marshmellow swirled in...tasty!) and then took a three hour nap on the couch before heading down to the bar and finally, some random guy named Jay approached me while I was waiting for the bus to go home, told me I looked sad and asked if someone had said or done something to me to make me upset... when I said I was fine, he said he hoped so because I'm too pretty for anyone to treat me bad. Guh. I can't even explain how happy I was to get home, close my door and crawl into bed last night.

It's shower time.

Lunch Time Poll

Ok, say you have 24 hours until the world comes to an end and you win a million dollars, what do you do with your last 24 hours? Wait, no, that's the poll from the movie "Heathers." OK, how about this: If you could only listen to one mixed cd for the rest of your life, what 10 bands and songs would be on it? Make your decisions carefully, people...this is for the yearbook.

Cream Cheese Makes Everything Better...Well, Almost Everything.

I was out of mayo for my tuna salad yesterday so I used cream cheese instead and it's SOOO good! It's totally cream cheese for me from now on. Tasty!

Can't decide if I want to stay home tonight and watch a movie or go out again. I've been out every night for a week and I'm still having fun but if I'm feeling like I do now (read: ferocious cramps), maybe it's better if I stay home. I'm begging and pleading for the Aleve I took awhile ago to last for a few hours once it kicks in. I can honestly say I'd prefer being woken up at 4am by most anything other than cramps. You guys have no idea what you're missing and you should be happy to keep it that way.

What Price For Clean Clothes?

Went to do laundry up the street with my roommate yesterday and while the washers were running, we decided to walk down to Fred Meyer to pick up dryer sheets and a new laundry bag. When we got back, all of our stuff was done except one load of my clothes....which was still running the pre-wash cycle and hadn't made any progress at all. This place has both top loading and front loading washers and I had enough laundry to need four machines, so I used two of each. The front loading machines require that you lock your clothes in before it will start. Needless to say, once you start the load, you can't unlock the door without a key. So, basically, the machine was holding my clothes hostage and giving them the old water torture treatment. My Superman pajamas were not happy. About 1/2 hour after I called the guy who runs the place, he showed up and couldn't seem to get the door to open....didn't have the right key or something. D'oh. Finally, he took the whole front panel off and disengaged the door with a screwdriver. I moved my soaked clothes to a top loading (and non-locking) washer and he gave me my $1.25 back to run the other machine. When I went to move the clothes around to the other side of the room where the top loaders were, he asked if I just wanted to move the clothes into the front loader next to the one he took apart. Yeah, right. No way, dude. Your machines have tortured my clothes enough, thankyouverymuch. Top loading washers only from now on. I can't wait until they put a washer and dryer into our building.

Heading out to see Luke's new house and do the baby shower thing tonight. Not sure how I'm getting there yet, but it'll be nice to see everyone outside of the usual hangout. Also, I'm back to work today after a five day hiatus. I've realized in the last few days how much I like waking up when I'm done sleeping as opposed to waking up to an alarm. Other than that, the day is going well and I was apparently missed here. When I got in this morning, my bosses both bowed down before me and did the whole thank-god-you're-back thing. Cracked me up but made me feel pretty good... I didn't want to bring it up this morning, but when I'm gone for two weeks in September, they're gonna hate it. Ha.

I Want A Donut

After getting up this morning and putting our living room back in order, I came back into my room to write a post for the day but ended up sorting things out via instant messenger with D. After tonight at the bar, I think things are better and this makes me happy. However, now I want an apple fritter. Damn it.

About Last Night

So many things I want to say about last night...but, in the interest of time, I'll save the unkind words for later and just mention the good stuff first. The dress was good, the presents were great, and I was happy to have my family there. My sister cracked me up all night and near the end of the evening, we finally got her up to sing with me. The cherry crunch my mom made went over really well with the party people and there was even some left over for me to have later today. All in all, it was a good birthday.

If I could have changed one thing about last night it would be that D would have just come over and said hi and sat with us, at least for a little while. I didn't know that when he took away the non-relationship, he'd also take away the friendship. I'm so tired of being unsure how to act or what to say or not say. I just want my friend back. If that's not going to happen, then I need to stop going to the bar because this is making me sick.

Go Go Go Me, It's My Birthday

In two hours, my parents and sister will be here to take me out and about for the day. We're going to Todai for dinner, coming back here so I can change into the kickass dress I bought for tonight and then it's off the the bar for yet another night of singing and drinking. Yay!

I'd like to add a digital camera to my birthday wish list, but I'm afraid it's probably too late and I've already got the three of the seven things on the list spoken for, so I'm not holding my breath for anything else. In case you're wondering, I did not get a Vespa, dresser, messenger bag or cute boy. I'm not expecting the first three and there's only one boy I would want to make out with, but he's otherwise occupied this evening, so I'm taking that option for gift giving off the list. Also, my boss did in fact give me a bottle of tequila from her trip to Mexico for my birthday. That is damn cool.

Ok, back to watching tv...I mean HBO.

To Wish Impossible Things...

I may have mentioned this before but my birthday is a mere 25.5 hours away and the following is my birthday wish list:

1. A sparkly pink Vespa w/a matching helmet.
2. A tall red dresser from IKEA.
3. The green and black messenger bag I saw in the window of Greg's about a week ago.
4. Mixed cds made by friends.
5. Songs picked and sung special for me at my birthday party Wednesday night.
6. A cute boy who likes me to make out with after my birthday party Wednesday night.
7. Not to wake up hungover after my birthday party Wednesday night.