Holy crap, there's a floor in here!

Yep, it's actually happened. My apartment is clean. Huzzah! It actually looks like someone lives there now instead of it's normal drop-zone state of cluttered comfort. I can't find a goddamn thing now, but hey, it's a small price to pay for the appearance of clean considering I don't actually use half the crap I hoard. I just like having stuff. And every time I actually go through my stuff and throw out the "useless junk," within a day or two I'm looking for something that I threw away because I suddenly "need" it. Like that mostly empty bottle of conditioner that had been in one of the drawers in my bathroom for over a year....you know, for "just in case." Or that box of Snoopy band-aids with two left in it from 1984. On the plus side of this whole cleaning project, all of my furniture is now easily identifiable and that hooded sweatshirt I've been trying to find for the last 4 months has been recovered. It's a happy day....

It just doesn't make any sense...really.

I'm having trouble sleeping lately. I wake up freaked out about whatever I was just dreaming, but can't remember the details....just that it was scary or sad. Getting back to sleep is difficult with my heart racing and my mind running on overdrive. And it bothers me that I can't remember my dreams. Normally, I remember them vividly, good or bad, but the last week or two, nothing. I don't get it...

Jazzy jazz jam

Went to that Harry Connick Jr. show with my mom last night. Nice mellow evening.... He did that old Bing Crosby song "I'll Be Seeing You" - such a sweet tune. Everytime I hear it, I remember riding in the passenger seat of my grandfather's truck with the big band station playing and he always sang all the songs to me. He died a few years ago from cancer. I miss you Grampa...

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces all day through
In that small café, the park across the way
The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the mornin' sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

Damn tv commercials

Now that I've seen the commercial for the new album by Abandoned Pools 40 gajillion times, I can't get that song "The Remedy" out of my head. Granted, it's a catchy tune and I'll probably end up buying the cd and playing the hell out of it (ok, corporate music nazis, you win this time). But enough already! Then there's that guy in the Verizon wireless commercials. He was amusing the first twenty or thirty times ("Can you hear me now?...Good!"), but now he's peeking in on board meetings from window washer trusses and riding around in the trailer of a semi holding up traffic on the 405. I think his 15 minutes of fame should have been up about 14.5 minutes ago. Oh, and now that Orlando Jones is too busy doing mediocre movies to do the 7-up commercials, they have this new guy......but I guess you probably already know that since he's on tv about 100 times a day with old guys in speedos rolling around on the beach. Niiice. Gotta love how people play on the idea that sex sells....

Pink Champagne

Potent stuff that pink champagne. Four bottles of champagne, five girls, one public blow job, one limo and a t-shirt covered in candy that proudly offered any willing participant a "suck for a buck" - those are the ingredients in a crazy night out for Larissa's bachelorette party. Things started out pretty tame, but within the first five minutes of being at the club, all the candy in the bust region of the shirt had been sucked, bitten, nibbled or chomped off and it was all a blur after that. At one point, the dj cleared the dance floor, set up a chair for the random boy we'd been dragging around the club, put a BJ shot on the chair between his legs and called Larissa out to get down and dirty. Woo woo! Photos were taken, drinks were drunk (and so were most of the party people) and a good time was had by all. Thank you to Larissa's mom for renting the limo and thank you to Johnny, the limo driver, for making sure everyone got home safe and sound...

Sorry, I can't hear you with this jackass screaming in my ear

Oh my sweet jeezus, that concert was loud. Earshot opened the show and started things off right, but after Glassjaw played, my ears were literally shot.

To the vocalist of Glassjaw: there's a little thing out there called "singing" and I suggest you look into doing more of it. After 40 minutes of you screaming nonsense like a banshee, I felt violated. In fact, I would rather have someone screw me right in the ear than have to listen to your voice for another minute. Thank you for stopping when you did.

Adema has amazing stage presence. After getting the crowd so amped with "The Way You Like It" and playing to the people like an attention starved stepchild, Mark took off his pants and sang the last half of the set in his pj pants (blue plaid flannel, fyi). The crowd went non-stop crazy from the time the band stepped on stage until they walked off to the roar of "Encore! Encore!" After that, I think Alien Ant Farm was misplaced in the line-up and should have played third instead of last. They had a less-than-agro vibe and their new single is a mellow tune called "Attitude" that didn't find the most receptive audience among the thrashers and head bangers (personally, I loved their set and was happy for the reprive from getting my ass kicked by the mosh pit posse). They did, however, rave about the local Mexican fast food favorite, Burrito Boy, so kudos to AAF for having good taste in beans. I give the whole show a very enthusiastic 1 1/2 thumbs up (Glassjaw can go to their room in NY and think about what they've done).

Put me in a wheelchair, get me to the show

After work today, I'm off to the Sno-Core concert to see Alien Ant Farm, Adema, Glassjaw and Earshot. I expect about 5 hours of mosh pit action and goofy rock star antics. Hopefully no one will get hurt like the first mosh pit I was in - got kicked in the face and then elbowed in the same spot later that night by crowd surfers at a Primus show. Came home with a nasty black eye...I was so proud. It'll be interesting to see what the new McDonald Theater looks like since they renovated it and turned it into a music venue with beer garden (used to be a movie theater). Should be a good time...

Ok, so this one time...

Right. So, my mom tells me my sister wants the whole family to come out to Florida and spend the first week of her vacation in June on the Disney cruise. Since she works on the ship and gets a deal on cruises, it wouldn't cost me anything except the plane ticket (she'd foot the bill for the cruise). This got me thinking about what she was like as a kid and how she never wanted to share anything....now that we're all grown up, she wants to share so much that she's willing to pay for me to go on a cruise! Ok, flashback to 1980: she's 3 and the kid who lives across the street from us is 3 or 4. He's got an old Radio Flyer wagon and they're playing with it out in front of his house. She thought it would be a good idea to lay across the wagon and have him pull her. This was typical "sharing" for my sister at the time. The kid thinks this idea sucks and proceeds to bite my sister's ass so hard (through her shorts) that he broke skin and left a huge bruise and welt. Point well made - she got off and ran home. Now, I don't know if my sister's desire to share today comes from a deep rooted fear of having someone take a bite out of her ass again or not, but it's nice to know that she wants me to experience her world in Florida.... here's a pic of me and Bran from this past Thanksgiving (I'm on the left):

Gotta love that Jhonen Vasquez guy

If you haven't seen any of Jhonen's work, you're missing out. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, Devi, Invader ZIM....these are things the world would be a sad, sad place without. Here's a taste courtesy of viciousgrin.com:

Magically delicious weekend

Holy Fred. I had a seriously fun, seriously bizarre weekend. Friday night I went to a friend's birthday party. Mr. Policeman showed up, people fought, and the residents of the house are being evicted. Nice one. Saturday night I went to the Blarney Stone for dinner and a Guiness (thanks Sean!) and then headed over to the Downtown Lounge to listen to some pimptastic ass-shakin' funk courtesy of Dr. Theopolis, a friend's band from Portland. After the show, I went back to the motel (freaky granny decor...too weird) with the rock star posse and had what will likely go down in the history books as the most bizarre conversations of 2002 with Mark (aka Miss Daisy). What a character - it's a shame he doesn't live closer. 5am rolled around, 8 of us went to IHOP and I finally hit the sack at 6:30 Sunday morning. Sunday night I went with Larissa to Seth's house to hang out with a bunch of boys and at some point in the evening, the boys decided it would be a good idea to take the festivities inside and kick the crap out of each other. The boxing gloves came out, Seth ended up with a split lip and a bloody nose and Larissa and I actually gave the whole boxing thing a go. The guys got a good laugh out of it, so I guess that's something. It was later decided that we shouldn't do that again. (Note to self: DEFINITELY don't do that again.) Anyhoo, I don't know if it was the glass of champagne or the ass-whooping, but I slept like the dead last night and the back of my head and my shoulder aches a bit today. Wee-ha. What a way to start the week...

The Ides of March

Yep, it's Caesar's doom day and in honor of this I've decided to do a top ten list. I know, I know, normally there's a Friday Five Q&A session, but it's the Ides of March, man. So, here it is:

Top Ten All Time Worst Ways to Die (according to me):

10. being burned alive

9. drowning

8. being buried alive

7. hypothermia

6. impalement

5. parachute failure

4. flesh-eating bacteria

3. being eaten by something (like bugs or piranha or wild dogs)

2. terminal illness (cancer, AIDS, etc.)

1. being forced to eat until you expolode (a la the gluttony scene from the movie "Seven")

Official business

I love my friends. We're all spread out across the map and never see each other, but I'm in closer contact with some of these people via phone or e-mail more than most of the people I'm related to and I think that says something. So, because I love them, I thought I'd do them all a favor by making the following declaration (exerpts are from an on-going e-mail thread):

My normal voice of morally conscious reason is on hiatus....therefore, I'm declaring this year as the official year of everyone getting laid. =)

I could see the potential for confusion about that so I had to append the original declaration:

....just to clarify (because I know you people), I wasn't declaring this the year of everyone getting laid by me....just getting laid in general...=) carry on....

After being accused of trying to legislate the world of fantasy and make-believe, I came up with this:

Here, let's just make this easy. I'm officially declaring this the year of everybody getting laid by somebody (not necessarily me, but maybe me, you never know ----). (the name of the fantasizer has been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent...)

Finally, it was brought to my attention that I had yet again been speaking Canadian instead of American (gotta work on that) so I issued the officially official version of the declaration in the universal language of Slang:

Yo, yo, yo party people! I officially declare this the year of the horizontal mambo, the year of bumping uglies, the year of the no-no cha cha, the year of the late night booty call, the year of gettin' your freak on, the year of the quickie in the copy room, the year of humpin', and whatever other euphemism for doin' it that you prefer.... also, if your name is ----, that may or may not mean with me. (name omitted to protect me)

So, carry on my friends. Thankyouandgoodnight...

Dig a little deeper

I have to retract an answer I gave earlier today to the question, "Why aren't you and so-and-so dating?" and issue a new, correct response. The answer I originally gave was what would appear on the surface to be correct: Blah blah blah, met under unusual circumstances, hung out a lot but were never more than just good friends, outside pressure made the situation awkward, known each other for too long to go there, blah blah blah. Long convoluted story that really is just that - the story leading up to the answer. The real answer is this: he is not now and has never been interested. I kinda was and he definitely wasn't and that was that. Pretty simple, really. Now, why didn't I just say that in the first place? I have no idea. It's probably another side effect of the crack...

Mind over matter

Saw an incredible group of people last night doing this thing called a full body suspension. Six men and four women stood five on each side of the stage (two women and three men), backs facing backs, kneeling about six to eight feet from the other five. Each person had two hooks pierced through the skin between their shoulder blades connected to long cords. An assistant connected the cords to the permanent rings pierced through the sides of an eleventh man's torso and legs and moving as a group, the ten people lifted him up. He hung for a good five minutes (the duration of a Tool song) and swayed back and forth as the ten moved in unison to the music. Amazing. And just before that, other members of the group put on a fire dance that kicked ass. Plus, there were three bands that played about 40 minute sets each before that (first and last were pretty cool...the second was mostly a bunch of screaming and me going, "What?"). And all that for $2. Hot damn.

Ok, I promise not to make a habit of posting this quiz stuff, but this one just made me laugh:




You're slick, sleek, and you waste no time when there's a mission to be taken care of. You do what you're told, even if it sometimes means risking your life. You care for others to such an extent that you'd do anything for the ones you love. Not only that, but you're stylish, original, agile, and passionate.

Me and my big mouth

Sometimes I say things out loud that I really wish I could take back. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, I feel like such an idiot. Point in case: I was out having a great time with friends at a bowling alley and then out to a club over the weekend. I was totally content to sit and watch (no drinks + no crowd to hide in = no dancing for this girl) and suddenly I felt weird. Like I should have gone home after bowling instead of tagging along to the club. And I went and blurted out that I felt like a 5th wheel. Things got all weird after that and I just wished I hadn't said anything. I should just stamp a big L on my forehead to tell people in advance that I'm a loser so they don't get the wrong idea and start thinking I'm cool.

Hey look, it's Friday again

Yup, it's that time...this week's Friday Five:


1. What makes you homesick?


Usually, it's seeing people walking down a street who obviously have a bond with each other when I'm away from my comfort zone. I love to travel, but if I don't at least get to check in periodically (every other week or so if I'm gone for a long time) with my family, I get really homesick.


2. Where is "home" for you? Is it where you are living now, or somewhere else (ie: Mom & Dad's house, particular state/city)?


Home is wherever I feel like I will always be welcome no matter what. Where I live now (obviously) and my Mom and Dad's house are home now and my grandparents house when they were alive always felt like home, too.


3. What makes it home for you? People? Things?


Both the people and the things....not any one thing specifically, but the over-all feeling of predictability. It's the smells and knowing the people there love me and the unconditional acceptance that make it home.


4. Where is the furthest you've been from home, miles-wise?


Um........pretty dang far......*doing the math and checking the map*........apparently, I've been 5687 miles from home. I was living here in Oregon and my family was still on Guam.


5. What are your plans for this weekend?


Pizza and cosmic bowling tonight, makeup shopping and a haircut tomorrow (maybe going out at night, but I'm not sure yet) and as always, Sunday's plan is up in the air.

Hole in my heart

I have this weird feeling that I'm missing something. When you spend so long feeling hurt by someone and you suddenly end that part of the relationship, there's a strange void that's left. I got so used to feeling bad that now, while a big part of me is feeling really good about finally sticking up for myself, I sort of miss feeling bad. Ok, no, I obviously don't want to feel bad and I certainly didn't enjoy being treated like crap. What I miss is that comfort zone....knowing that someone was making me feel something. Yes, that feeling was horrid and hellacious and I resent him for taking advantage of my caring more than I should have. I would never wish what I went through on anyone (even though I recognize the whole thing as a learning experience). But now I feel nothing. Just blah. I'm not close enough with any one guy that it matters to me what any of them do or don't do. So, there's the hole. And I don't know how to fill it or even if it should be filled. I know I'm not willing to replace one bad situation with another just to have someone close to me. I guess that's progress, eh?

Who me?

So, there's this girl I work with who shall remain nameless (I know she never reads this but it's fun to pretend I'm popular) that keeps calling me Sherman. I have no idea how it started but it seems to have stuck. I don't know who this Sherman person is or why she thinks it suits me and I know she knows my real name, but Sherman it is and Sherman it apparently shall remain. I've never known a Sherman, so I don't even have anyone to attach the name to in my head (you know how that goes...."I knew a (insert name here) once....she was a total skank." or "Yeah, I met this guy (insert name here) once....he was a real jerkoff."). I guess I should be thankful it's not worse....I could have gotten stuck with Bertha or Squaty or Cleatus (if your name is Bertha or Squaty or Cleatus, I'm sorry if I've offended you and please don't kick me). Yeah, Sherman isn't that bad. And the more I say it, the more it's growing on me....Sherman....Sherrrmannn.... What? Stop looking at me like that.... So my name is Sherman, you got a problem with that? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought....nobody messes with The Shermanator....

Musical musings

My mom's birthday is next month. I've offered to get her tickets to see Harry Connick Jr. since I know she likes him and he's coming here in a few weeks. She wants me to go with her (my dad isn't into Harry or his music) so that'll be fun. Just got me thinking about how diverse my tastes in music are. Five days before that concert, I'm going to the SnoCore tour - Alien Ant Farm, Adema, Local H, Glassjaw, and Earshot. That show is gonna kick ass. But I'm going to have a great time at Harry's show too. About two weeks ago, I went to the ballet with a friend and the second half was classical medieval music and I loved it. Now, I don't know if that means all of my taste is in my mouth or I'm just an open minded listener, but it makes it pretty easy to stay entertained. The summer concert series is right around the corner so I'm gonna have to keep an eye on the concert calendars and keep a mini stash of cash for musical emergencies....

Hey, look at me, I'm 28

Well, another birthday has come and gone in a flash. I'm pleased to say that I stayed in bed until 3 in the afternoon and only got up because I had dinner plans at my favorite restaurant with my folks (yellow curry with potatoes, green apples and cucumbers and Mom's cherry crunch for dessert...yum! ). I'm also pleased to say that the little jaunt out of the house for dinner kept me from having to go off on Owen for being a jackass and calling me on my birthday. Coming home to his message was just annoying. I determined that I must be dead and in hell. That's the only logical explaination for why he keeps tormenting me. "Hi, I'm Owen and I'll be the evil minion of satan that gets to make you suffer for all eternity. If there's anything I can do to make your stay here in hell more irritating, you just let me know. Have a crappy day!" That message was the only crimp in an otherwise quiet and relaxing birthday. And if I pretend that message never happened, the whole weekend was great! So, happy birthday to me - 27 was a year of enlightenment, but I think I'll stop getting older now and see how 28 suits me.

Here we go....

Yep, it's Friday....and it's time once again for the Friday Five:

1. What's your favorite vacation spot?

I'd have to say either Thailand or London. Depends on what time of year I go and who I'm travelling with...

2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth?

It's a tie between France (it's full of cheese-eating surrender monkeys who have no concept of personal hygiene) and LA (it's the official crotch of the west coast....they should make a sign that says that for LAX - "Welcome to LA, the official crotch of the West Coast. Enjoy your stay!").

3. What would be your dream vacation?

I'd love to take a trip around the world. The places I'd have to spend extra time would be India, Morocco, Tibet, Ireland, Kenya, Jamaica, Australia and Bali.

4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why?

Ooo, that's a tough one. I know I'd have fun driving cross-country with my sister or my friend Jen from Cali. But since I could go with anyone, it would be fun to go with someone I didn't know very well and spend the trip really getting into each other's heads. Not like a random hitchhiker or something, but someone I've hung out with a few times and know I'd get along with but don't know well enough to say how they take their coffee or what their favorite food is.

5. What are your plans for this weekend?

Laundry and dinner at my folks' house tonight. Going shopping and to a surprize birthday party Saturday night. My 28th birthday is Sunday, but I don't really have any plans, so I'll probably try to catch a movie or something and then out to dinner at Ring of Fire (yummy Thai/Pan Asian food).