Official business

I love my friends. We're all spread out across the map and never see each other, but I'm in closer contact with some of these people via phone or e-mail more than most of the people I'm related to and I think that says something. So, because I love them, I thought I'd do them all a favor by making the following declaration (exerpts are from an on-going e-mail thread):

My normal voice of morally conscious reason is on hiatus....therefore, I'm declaring this year as the official year of everyone getting laid. =)

I could see the potential for confusion about that so I had to append the original declaration:

....just to clarify (because I know you people), I wasn't declaring this the year of everyone getting laid by me....just getting laid in general...=) carry on....

After being accused of trying to legislate the world of fantasy and make-believe, I came up with this:

Here, let's just make this easy. I'm officially declaring this the year of everybody getting laid by somebody (not necessarily me, but maybe me, you never know ----). (the name of the fantasizer has been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent...)

Finally, it was brought to my attention that I had yet again been speaking Canadian instead of American (gotta work on that) so I issued the officially official version of the declaration in the universal language of Slang:

Yo, yo, yo party people! I officially declare this the year of the horizontal mambo, the year of bumping uglies, the year of the no-no cha cha, the year of the late night booty call, the year of gettin' your freak on, the year of the quickie in the copy room, the year of humpin', and whatever other euphemism for doin' it that you prefer.... also, if your name is ----, that may or may not mean with me. (name omitted to protect me)

So, carry on my friends. Thankyouandgoodnight...