Don't Wake Me From The Dream

The thoughts that are aching to be verbalized are filled with the potential to ruin everything. "If we're so different and want different things, what are you doing with me, anyway?" "For every little thing you do say, there are a million things left unsaid and those are the things I hear." "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you and that would make you feel whole." All comments that reek of a desire to push him away. That's honestly the last thing I want, but I know how conversations like that usually end. And so I'm quiet. Strangely, I think he's sometimes mad at me for caring about him. It's as if he doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy and can't imagine why I'd waste my time with him. I see more of who he is than maybe he wants me to and it's given me perspective on the reality of our relationship. He's spending time with me because he doesn't want to be alone and I happen to be agreeable. He sees himself as someone who is ultimately bad for me and focuses on that instead of acknowledging the possibility that we could balance each other out and be good for each other. ...I wish he could see what I see and I wish I didn't have the sinking feeling that he'll eventually, like all the others, break my heart......