Oh My.

The days between Tuesday and now have been fantastic. Wonderful. Soooo so good.

Yesterday was the best day ever. I got a text message from M asking if I had plans for the day and did I want to go hiking. I am definitely not a hiker, but I'm game for whatever if it means spending time with someone whose company I enjoy, so I said I was in. I'd never been to Horse Tail Falls, so I didn't really know what to expect and I was amazed at how beautiful it was up there. The trail takes you behind the falls and you can just stand there, watch the water drop in front of you and take it all in...*sigh* I'd like to say that I was a trooper and had no problems with the hike, but I was a total wuss and struggled to breathe for about 3/4ths of it. He was really sweet about it and when I said, "You're probably thinking you're never taking me out here again..." he replied, "I'm thinking we just need to go more often." Oi.

After the hike, we headed back into town and decided to catch a movie at the Laurelhurst. We had some time to kill before Team America started, so we tooled around in Lady Luck, the vintage shop right across from the theater, for a few, walked down to Von Natur, the shop that carries his company's bath and body stuff, which was closed, and then sat and talked in Starbucks for about 1/2 hour. The movie was funny, better than I expected actually...but maybe it was just that I was in a goofy mood. He'd made plans to have dinner with his family, which he wasn't all that into when it came right down to going, but after he dropped me off, he messaged me and asked if I was going to the bar later and did I want a ride. No big surprise that I was, so he came to get me, we had a couple beers and sang until about 11ish and headed back to my house.

I've spent the morning on a cloud... even the sore throat I'm fighting isn't bringing my mood down. I'm voting for more 4 day weekends.

I Should Just Shut Up Now Because I Have No Idea What's Going On.

I got a text message last night on my way home from M asking me out for sushi. He came over, we walked up the street and ate, he walked me back to my door, bear hugged me goodnight and went home. Welcome to bizarro world.

Could This Work Week BE Any Suckier?

Monday sucked. Everyone got yelled at by people who came in or called all day. Today is turning out to be the same and I'm losing my mind. I have to keep telling myself, "Just a few more hours...just a few more hours...and then only one more day" and focus on the Indian food I got for lunch and the music on my cd player. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I loooove Indian food....and that damn Britney Spears song, "Toxic."

Last night in was just what I needed: pizza and cream soda from Oasis, two Steve Buscemi movies (only watched one and then went to bed so I'm set for tonight), and a phone call from Owen to check up on me. All of the distractions (food, movies, phone calls from friends) will keep me from doing something stupid while I'm making myself stop caring. A few more nights of this and the wall will be rebuilt.

So Many Things I'd Like To Say But Won't Because I'm Too Damn Nice...

Guh, the silence is deafening. I am done calling, e-mailing, text messaging. I'm slow but I'm not stupid. If I went stumbling home with every jerkwad who asked, maybe I'd understand why it's so easy to blow me off, but I don't. In fact, of all the girls I know, I'm the least likely to go home with ANYONE. So, why me? Why not pick some random girl who doesn't care and isn't his friend? Is there something intrinsically wrong with me that makes me undateable? Gawd.

I'd like to say that I don't remember the last time I was this hurt, but I remember it clearly and it was in January. I'm locking myself in my room at night until Wednesday. It's for everyone's own good.

So The Girl Says To The Guy...

Sometimes I surprise myself with how much I'm willing to give with little or no return aside from feeling like I'm doing the right thing. I haven't seen M since Saturday morning and that's the cause of my mopey state this week... but after we talked last night, I was left feeling a little selfish and just wishing I could do something to make his life easier. Office jobs can suck the life out of anyone, especially when you're the go-to person for every little thing (as we both are). You feel like the piles of work never seem to get any smaller because the powers that be keep adding more to your plate. While you spend your day being crazy busy, you go home feeling underpaid, underappreciated and like you've accomplished nothing. I know that feeling all too well and it sucks. Hearing that someone I care about is feeling that way and working himself to exhaustion kills me. Call it maternal or whatever you want but it's that helpless thing...I can't do anything about it and, as with all of my friends' problems, I want to magically fix things. I made it clear that while I do want to see him, I don't want to make things worse by depriving him of sleep so we left it that he'd call me Friday if he was up for doing something. I promised my friend Mr. Fabulous that I'd go see his band, Dr. Theopolis, either Friday or Saturday night, so I'm making plans on my own, as usual.

I think I'm getting a serious lesson in patience... or I'm chasing the elusive white rabbit.

It's Gettin' Hot In Herre

Just had some VERY spicy caramel ginger chicken from Dragonfish for lunch and my lips are on fire. Hoowee! I'll be at the bar tonight for pool and I'll do my best not to be the mopey downer I was last night.

Representing

I've spent the morning with a guy here from our corporate office in Chicago explaining our parking issues and how things work at this property. We're hoping some of the issues can be resolved with his help and that he'll be able to make some changes that will positively impact both our income and customer satisfaction. The fact that I was asked by my boss to make myself available to him for any questions and touring the property says that 1.) she wasn't in the mood to represent the property herself because she's been dealing with parking issues for years, and 2.) she trusts me to represent both her and our property well. Turns out I'm good at that sort of thing...the guy from Chicago told her to keep me around and that I was very helpful and knowledgeable. The 8.5 hours of slaving over spreadsheets, researching our database and compiling information yesterday seems to have paid off. Nice.

It's All Good.

Last night was good. No weirdness, no ridiculousness...just green lights.

Eugene Celebration

My dad is turning 60 on Monday. I'm going down to Eugene tomorrow to hang out with my folks early since I have to work Monday and can't be there then. I think there's going to be German chocolate cake. Nice. I'll be back on Sunday.

Anything To Get By...

I treated myself to Indian food for lunch and it turns out I like eggplant. It also turns out that every guy I ever let get close to me hurts me. Huh. Good to know.

Clarity.

I have felt like crap for the last three days, thanks to the guest room renovations, and all the time I've spent fetal in my room has made for too much thinking. After the notable events of Friday night, and the near silence that's followed, it's become clear to me that if I could have only one super power, it would definitely be mindreading. As I was falling asleep Sunday night, my mind racing and struggling against dreams, I hit me that nothing has changed as far as what I want or how I feel, despite or because of Friday night. I still want the same things and I still feel the same way towards M as I have for the last month. Why am I weirded out and confused? Because I never have and still don't know what he wants or how he feels. Can't really be on the same page or make a decision about what's next if you never knew what was going on in the first place.

I'm going out tonight and pretending everything is wonderful.

I'm Joining A Convent.

Note to self: NEVER say you want a noteworthy weekend again. Dumbass.

Only The Boring Are Bored

Last night I finally got around to watching the movie I rented on Monday, The Cooler. Interesting story... casino cooler guy whose mere presence brings bad luck to those around him (William H. Macy) meets down-on-her-luck waitress girl (Maria Bello) and the sparks fly (subplot - mobster boss issues). Now that the weather is getting cooler, staying home and watching movies will be on the agenda more often, I hope.

In other news, I locked myself out when I went downstairs to get pizza after the movie last night. I grabbed keys before I left, but I grabbed my work keys, which didn't help at all. Thankfully, my next door neighbor, Charlie, came to the rescue because I would have felt like a very cold dumbass standing outside all night.

It's Friday and my brain is on auto-pilot. I got myself a tasty treat of Indian curry and basmati rice for lunch and I'm expecting the food coma to hit right around 3:30p...as usual. PSU's Homecoming is tomorrow and I should go down to watch my friend get crowned prince.

No matter what, I'm determined to make this weekend noteworthy.

You Conceed?!?

The peanut M&Ms I'm having for lunch are only dulling the pain of last night's depressing tv watching experience. I'd say all the chocolate is the reason I'm kinda feeling ill, but I was feeling this way the whole time I watched the election results come in... Depressing. National and local. Meh.

Raindrops Slid From The Top Of My Head To The Tip Of My Nose

I got to work this morning soaked. If I hadn't had to sit here half damp for half of the morning, I would have loved it. Once I was dry, my hair did this kooky flippy thing that I've just had to deal with and pretend it was intentional. Also, today was the day a video project started and our office was the first to be filmed for the Christmas party presentation. Fantastic.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

The weekend was.... stupid. Bah.