Clarity.

I have felt like crap for the last three days, thanks to the guest room renovations, and all the time I've spent fetal in my room has made for too much thinking. After the notable events of Friday night, and the near silence that's followed, it's become clear to me that if I could have only one super power, it would definitely be mindreading. As I was falling asleep Sunday night, my mind racing and struggling against dreams, I hit me that nothing has changed as far as what I want or how I feel, despite or because of Friday night. I still want the same things and I still feel the same way towards M as I have for the last month. Why am I weirded out and confused? Because I never have and still don't know what he wants or how he feels. Can't really be on the same page or make a decision about what's next if you never knew what was going on in the first place.

I'm going out tonight and pretending everything is wonderful.