Talking to the animals

Went to the county fair with some friends from work last night and learned a few things about myself:

1) I don't own any albums by America for a good reason.
2) Goats and sheep think I'm cool because I pet them and talk to them and defend them when people say they're stupid.
3) I live in a state where people watching can officially be classified as a sport.
4) I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see the baby chicks hatch.
5) I'm no longer willing to spend 4 bucks to play the game where you squirt water into a clown's mouth to inflate and hopefully pop a balloon before anyone else playing in hopes of winning a very tiny stuffed SpongeBob SquarePants doll.
6) I regret not buying the shirt I saw once upon a time that said "Stop staring at my tits." as it would have been especially useful last night.
7) The combined smell of candy apples, cheeseburgers, cotton candy, corn dogs, greasy chili cheese french fries and elephant ears is disturbingly pleasant.
8) I'm a wuss when it comes to being outside in miserably hot weather.
9) My presence gets the pigs all riled up and wanting to fight each other.

I spent a little while pretending the pigs were Greeks and Trojans and that I was Helen of Troy. That worked out pretty well until some kids came pushing their way through the crowd, glared at me for blocking their view of the fights and started whispering to each other about how the big kids should let the little kids get up front. Well, geez...sorry! I'm Helen of Troy for Zeus's sake! They're fighting because of me, dammit! You kids should be happy I even came out here in this frickin' heat....