Damn It, Beavis

I can't figure out how I can love someone the way I do and hate them at the same time. Guh, yes I can. Logically, I know that hate stems from hurt and, while I have no right to be hurt, I am. It's stupid, but I am. The strange part about that is, it hurts far less than I would have expected. Maybe I'm just numb because I haven't seen him yet. He hasn't had to look me in the eye and feel me hurting and I haven't had to look back and see what there is, if anything, to see.

For as much of his heart and head as he pours into his writing, you'd think I'd know where I stand and how he feels about me. I don't know shit.