Your Regularly Scheduled Emotional Outburst

Announcer: Yes, it’s time for another episode of “How Stupid Is She?,” hosted by Ima Whiner and sponsored in part by a grant from the Foundation For Girls Who Fall For The Wrong Guys. Today’s guest is Nina Zero, author of the compelling weblog “Bursting With Fruit Flavor.” Now, here’s Ima!

(Audience applause)

Ima: Thank you…thank you. Nina, welcome.

Nina: Thank you, Ima. It’s great to be here.

Ima: Let’s get right to it and talk about your love life, shall we? We here at “How Stupid Is She?” have been doing some research and our sources tell us you’ve been romantically linked to D, a famous karaoke superstar. Are the rumors true?

Nina: Well, Ima, contrary to popular belief, we are not, in fact, a couple.

Ima: Really? Our cameras have seen you two out and about looking very cozy...(papparazzi-style, secret camera photographs of Nina and D kissing and holding hands at night clubs and telephoto lens, through the kitchen window shots of them cooking Thanksgiving dinner together flash on the screen behind the chairs on stage)

Nina: No, really…we’re not…well…he doesn’t want…I mean…it’s not like we don’t…I mean….it’s just that…well, he cares about me and we really enjoy each other’s company and we’re attracted to each other and have an emotional connection, but he’s in love with two other women whom he’s been friends with for a long time but are currently involved with other people and….well, I….(starts tearing up)…wait a minute, what is this? A Barbara Walters Special?

Ima: (clears throat) So, it appears to the world that you two are an item and now you’re telling me that he has feelings for not one, but two other women… Nina, how stupid are you?

Nina: (sobbing) I know, I know! We've been dating for a month and a half and nothing has changed! “Don’t get attached!” I told myself. “Keep him at a distance!” I told myself. I never listen and now look at me: (turns to the camera, makeup running down her cheeks) I’ve become Tammy Faye Baker minus the religious self-righteousness! (hangs her head and blows her nose)

Ima: Now, now…don’t be too hard on yourself. He is a charming young man and you….well, you are stupid, so you don’t really know any better.

Nina: (sniffling) Oh the shame…

Ima: Well, it looks like we’re out of time. I’d like to thank Nina Zero for being on the show and being so stupid. Tune in next week when our guest will be Hillary Clinton. Thank you and good night!

(audience applause)

(fade out to commercial)