Looking In The Mirror Is Bad For The Self Esteem

I ended up with blisters on both of my feet from the sneakers I wore last night with no socks. I haven’t even tried to put on shoes today, but the sting of the soapy water in the shower this morning was enough to tell me it wouldn’t be a good idea. After the steam had gone and the mirror cleared, I took a good look at my face and pajama-clad body. Laugh lines have begun to creep out under my eyes and on either side of my mouth, the cold weather has made my skin dry and flaky in spots, my hair is desperately in need of a cut and color, some of the blisters have broken and become raw, and overall I feel fat and ugly. Before I’d gotten up and seen all of this, I’d tried to wake up and be affectionate with D but got no response. He’s not much of a morning person anyway but, once I’d seen myself in the mirror even after a shower, I guess I wouldn’t want me today either.

I have a ton of laundry to do in the next few hours and I’m looking forward to clean sheets and a freshly made bed. The wind is whistling through the chimney and it’s already dark outside so it feels much later than ten ‘til 5. Jason called earlier to see if I was going out to the bar tonight and at the time I wasn’t sure but now all I can think about is being alone...in some ways, I think I deserve to be alone tonight after the way I behaved this morning.