I'm Only Making It Worse.

It's sad to say that he's only trying to care and not really caring at all, but that seems to be the fact of the matter. We spent the whole weekend together and I know that it means very little to him. It's like he's looking for something or someone to make him feel anything other than how he normally feels, which is depressed and lonely and empty, and I'm conveniently filling that role for the moment. It's a weird place to be... because I know he will eventually be done and then I will be the one who's left feeling hollow. Having said all of that, it doesn't make me care less. That is something I hate about myself, actually. I see so much potential and beauty in who he's trying desperately to be that it doesn't matter if he cares or not. While it would be nice, I'm going to continue to care either way because he deserves to have someone who supports him and wants him to be as happy as he tries to make everyone else. I don't think he believes that...and it kills me. I guess I'm just better at hiding my own similar feelings than he is...