Pride and Prejudice

I need to quit talking to people about my karaoke adventures. I'm going out with the girls from work tomorrow night and my voice has been a little scratchy all week, but the pressure's on to get up and be a rockstar. It's a matter of pride now. However, come Monday, I probably won't be so quick to talk about my dazzling vocal abilities.... there's nothing worse for the ego than talking yourself up and then sounding like the youngest Hanson kid going through puberty. I always feel bad for the folks who think they sound good and really bite the big one once they get up there to sing, so I'm hoping against hope that the lemon tea with honey I drink tonight saves me from having to permanently eject myself from the bar....

Any requests?

Glutton For Punishment

I spent three hours on the phone last night. During this conversation, I was told repeatedly how mean I am and how wrong the people who think I'm nice are. So, I've decided to enroll in the Simon Cowell School of Blunt Honesty. After watching him on American Idol last night, I think I'm ready to try out lesson #1: Saying What You're Thinking. What I've been thinking is this:
First, it bugs the crap out of me that I don't live close enough to the person I was talking to last night for two reasons: A.) I regularly want to grab him and shake the beejeezus out of him, but I obviously can't do that on the phone and B.) I like him him way more than I should so it would be kinda nice to see him whenever I wanted. Second, I thought I knew when he was joking and when he wasn't. Lately, it's become very apparent that I am completely clueless in this department. Third and finally, he makes it very easy to love him and hate him at the same time. He doesn't even know he's doing it. He can be sweet when he wants to, he's intelligent, he's funny, he feels bad when he hurts my feelings, he points out my flaws and blunders, he reminds me constantly of my mistakes and turns them into inside jokes, he challenges my opinions, and he's taught me a thing or two. I really hate that I like those things.

Thanks, Simon, I feel much better.

That Voodoo You Do

I think I've finally had enough of being single and it's time to bring out the voodoo magic. Grisgris bag...check. Red candle blessed by a voodoo shaman...check. Love Potion # 9 bubble bath...check. Plans for a haircut on Saturday...check. Prospective dates..........yeah, um, well...yeah. Never mind.

Friends with Benefits

I'm heading over to Powell's on Hawthorne tonight to see my friend Chris from Eugene. He'll be in town for a book tour his website is sponsoring and the author, Rolf Potts, is signing copies over there at 7:30 so I said I'd go and then hang out with Chris, Jen and Rolf for a beer afterwards. I haven't seen Chris in awhile and, since he's one of the few things about Eugene I miss, I'm kinda jazzed. If only I didn't have to work in the morning....

Kick Me, I'm Mean

I've been thinking about that painfully shy mod boy from the karaoke bar that gave me his number and I never called. It's not like me to take someone's number if I have no intention of calling them so I'm not sure what possessed me to make an exception and take his. Maybe pity. Who knows. Anyway, it's been eating at me. I know I should just let it go, but I make a point of being up front with people and I feel like I gave mod boy a false sense of hope which is just mean. He's already got problems if he needs his friend to talk to me for him and the idea of dating someone who's intimidated by me is just ridiculous, so why did I take his number? Maybe the real question is why didn't I just call him and tell him it was sweet of him to come talk to me but I'm not interested in anything other than maybe being friends with him? Ugh... I know why I didn't do that. I've been in this kid's shoes and it sucks to be rejected. No one wants to hear "Let's just be friends" if they're attracted to you. I've heard something like that so many times that the thought of having to say it kills me. The worst part is that even though Portland is a fairly big city, the chances of running into him again aren't that slim. What does one say in a situation like that? "Yeah, I was totally going to call you, but I did laundry and left your number in the pocket of my pants so it got washed and the number disappeared..." "Oh, hey, yeah I was so going to call you but my dog died and I locked myelf in my room to cry and haven't talked to anyone until today..." "Um, you must have met my twin sister because I've never seen you before..."

I actually have these conversations in my head and the harder I try to be a nice, honest person, the more I realize how much self-imposed guilt comes along with living your life worrying about everyone else's feelings. I really need to stop that...

Slow Ride

Ok, so I said I'd appreciate the 2 1/2 hour bus ride, but damn! Does it have to stop in every pohdunk town between Portland and Eugene? Woodburn, Salem, Jefferson, Albany, Corvallis, Harrisburg and finally Eugene. I suppose it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd gotten more than 5 hours sleep and my legs weren't all cramped up. Something is wrong with my knees and I'm not sure what but it made the bus ride really uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep and breathing smoke at the karaoke bar all night last night. My voice is all tweaked out today too...ugh. Can't wait to crawl into bed...

Being kickass has it's benefits

Hey, guess what? You know how I've been temping at the same place for awhile now and the folks have wanted to keep me but didn't know if the budget would allow for another staff member? Well, I got a phone call from the area manager this morning asking how I felt about being a leasing agent since there was an opening at one of the Beaverton properties. I declined because 1.) I'm a really bad sales person and 2.) the commute out to Beaverton on the bus would suck. BUT, after talking to the new receptionist here, I called the area manager back and suggested she offer the position to the new receptionist and said I'd be thrilled to stay on in her position here. Two hours later, we're good to go and now it's just a matter of paperwork. Much like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, I rule.

Goin' Down....to Eugene

I've finally found a free weekend to head on down to visit my folks (and Chris, if he's gonna be around) and I'm looking forward to my mom's cooking and a good long bus ride. Most of the time I envy my friends with cars, but I've started looking at the 2 1/2 hour ride as forced down time that I could either be irritated about or appreciate and I choose to appreciate it. I don't have to think about traffic because I'm not driving. I don't have to worry about what anyone else wants to listen to on the way because I can wear headphones. And I don't have to worry about anything other than who's sitting next to me and most of the time there isn't anyone. Excellent. To top it all off, I may actually get to see Two Towers this weekend since there's nothing else to do in Eugene anyway. Woo!

That American Idol Show

Yep, I watched part one of the two part season premier American Idol last night. Part two is tonight and I can't wait to see who ends up in the finals. But you know what? There are some really bad singers out there. I don't mean bad-ass either.....I mean B A D. Awful. Terrible. Horrid. Tone deaf. When Simon Cowell says that someone is the absolute worst singer in the entire of New York City, he's not lying. He actually challenged one of the auditioners to go out and find someone in NYC that sings worse than he does and bring them back to the open call. He couldn't find anyone. D'oh. Sad as it may be, I'm looking forward to seeing Simon chew up and spit out this year's crop of wannabes...

It's a love/hate thing

I'd like to take a moment to write about this guy I know named Josh. He lives in his very own country called Canadad (much like Canada, but not). It's only accessible by helicopter or psychedelic drugs. Josh has the most bizarre job of anyone I know. He's a pylon security guard. You know those orange caution cones construction guys use to block their work area from traffic? Well, it turns out they have a name. Pylons. Josh taught me that. He also taught me that the ski-masks guys wear over their heads when they rob banks or mini-marts are called balaclavas. I'm not sure why he knows that but he does. Anyway, he guards the pylons that block off parking spaces for movie vehicles. Or maybe he's actually just making sure that people don't drive over the pylons to steal the parking spaces. I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that he works in the middle of the night and mostly stands around in the cold.

Since he lives so far away, the only way we keep in touch is through e-mail and phone calls. One time, I called him and he made me talk to his mom. Mostly, I just talk to him though. Over the course of the last three years, we've discovered that math is super important, neither of us is terribly bright when we're talking to each other, and converting from celcius to fahrenheit is hard. We also discovered that we both like beer, monkeys, and karaoke, but not necessarily in that order.

Sometimes, I wish we lived in the same town, but I know that after a few minutes, I'd just want to kick him in the shins so I guess it's better that we don't.

I'm afraid I'm becoming addicted

So, um, yeah.....I went to karaoke again Saturday night. This time with my roommate and we had the best time. Since it was just the two of us, the door guy had asked if we'd mind moving from the 8-or-more people booth we sat in so a group of 6 in the back could sit there, but we didn't want to lose our choice view of the stage so we said they could just come sit with us if they wanted. That turned out to be an excellent move as the people were friendly and chatty and we all had our own cheering section when we went up to sing. Shauna sang Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker," "These Boots Were Made For Walkin,'" and Lita Ford's "Kiss Me Deadly" like a rockstar and I managed to slide through the Cowboy Junkies version of "Sweet Jane" without incident after the mic died and then came back about 15 seconds later during "Bette Davis Eyes." Also, a painfully shy mod boy admirer came and gave me his number at the end of the night. Go me! After karaoke, we went over to the guys' house for the after hours festivities and chatted with the boys from King of Spain, yet another band we know. Started talking to Shawn, the bass player, about what albums you'd pick if you were going to be stranded on a deserted island with only a cd player and five cds... great party convo that usually turns into a top five list marathon - movies, music, books, etc. With us, it turned into what makes us favor a particular album over the others released by a band we especially like. Interesting stuff. All in all, it was a most excellent evening that finally ended around 5am. And I'm ready to go out and do it again...

Adding Insult to Injury

I found out last night that, when asked about what happened between us, J. said nothing. Nothing happened. I don't know if it's because of who did the asking or because he's just a jackass, but I guess that's neither here nor there. Just the idea that he denied everything makes me a little sick...and I can't believe I ever cared.

Perks

You know why I like my job? When everyone else is busy, I get to do fun stuff like take the cute photographer up to the model apartments so he can take photos for the upcoming ad layouts. The lighting wasn't right this morning, so he'll have to come back this afternoon. Gee, that's really too bad.... ah well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

Loser

I must be the only blogger in the world that doesn't have her own computer.

Restless

I get home at night and I'm dead tired but antsy. Is that even possible? Anyway, I'm struggling with the thought that all I do is work, eat and sleep during the week. I'm sure my mom would say I'm not taking care of myself because I don't get enough sleep and my eating habits are sporadic at best... I can hear her in my head when I get home telling me to go to bed earlier and make myself a good dinner but I can't seem to wind down until after midnight. Music, movies, reading, hot tea....nothing is getting me to just relax and fall asleep earlier. Maybe I need to visit a day spa or something.... or start dating again.... at least that would get me out of the house...

Where's the damn snow?

So, it's January and it's all cold and pissy out, but has it snowed this winter? Even once? No. Damn the weather. Damn it all to hell. It just doesn't seem like winter without snow. I remember living in Santa Fe and having to tromp through a foot of it on the way to school....I loved it. Snowball fights, snowangels, snowmen.... and icicles! Don't forget icicles.... I just want a little snow...is that too much to ask? It doesn't even have to stick around; I just want to see it falling. I'm not asking for enough to build a snowboarding half-pipe in the street out front or anything like that.... just a little. Just so I can see it falling for an hour or so....

Bartleby

If this movie is playing anywhere near you, go see it. It's a riot, the characters are really well developed and it's got Crispin Glover. I think that about says it all. If you've ever read Bartleby the Schrivener by Herman Melville, this is the modern day, surreal version. Go. See it. Now.

Portland Bloggers

I went to the monthly Kell's meet last night and met a bunch of the other Portland bloggers. Very cool. I'd read bits and pieces of each of their blogs before, but now that I have the faces and personalities to go with the writing, I've got a lot of reading to catch up on....

Living in oblivion

It was brought to my attention (thanks Koji!!) that yesterday was my little bloggie's first birthday. I went back and read my very first post and sadly, but true, very little has changed. I'm taking comfort in the fact that predictability is often listed as one of the things that make people feel at home somewhere. That said, this has definitely become a home for the ups and downs and a sounding board for the noise in my head. Not to be overly dramatic about it, but when a friend of mine was messing with me about logging into blogger and changing stuff or maybe not-so-accidentally deleting this thing, I almost cried. Ok, yeah, it would seriously suck if a year of writing disappeared with the push of a button, but everything that goes along with the blog - the community, the comments, the interaction - would go away too and it surprized me how attached I've gotten to it and how important it is to me. Anyway, happy birthday little bloggie.... and if you've been reading this since early on, thank you for coming back and being part of it...you folks keep me honest. :)

Once there was a girl called Friday

"Hi, this is Tiffany from ---------- and I was wondering if I could speak to someone in your PR department?" "Hi, this is Tiffany from ---------- and I was wondering if you had time to help me with a market survey?" "Hi, this is Tiffany from ---------- and I need about 100 copies of your brochure sent to......" "Hi, this is Tiffany from ------- . I need to speak to someone about an invoice we received yesterday..." "Hi, this is Tiffany from --------- and we need someone to come out and look at our copy machine." "Hi, this is Tiffany from --------- and I just wanted to make sure you received the fax I sent about....."
<------------------------------------------------------------------------>
"Hey, just wanted to let you know all the bills are paid..."
"Hey, just wanted to let you know I got all that filing done from the last 7 months."
"Hey, I just wanted to let you know I finished copying those forms and made new folders for them."
"Hey, I typed and edited that 13 page spreadsheet and it's saved on the common drive under....."
"Hey, sorry I passed out on the keyboard.....I'll finish labelling all the keys before I go home today..."

Free food rules!

We had lunch catered from Tony Roma's today, courtesy of the company. The last week has been high stress because of the pending visit from the corporate bigwigs, which was yesterday, and since we got high marks for everything, lunch was a pat on the back for a job well done. It's so nice to be appreciated....

Time flies even if it's not fun

See what time it is? I'm just finishing lunch, part of which I worked through. I'll be working overtime this week and I've learned almost the entire bill paying system today. ....Have I mentioned I'm still a temp?

Nose to the grindstone

Day two of a 6 day work week and I already know I'm going to hurt by the time Friday comes around. I'm training the new receptionist all week and starting to learn bookkeeping tomorrow so my days are jam packed. I like being busy though because the time flies by and I feel like I've gotten tons done. Hopefully, I'll get to rest this weekend, but I have a feeling I'll overbook myself and end up doing much needed laundry in the wee hours....

Miles to go before I sleep

I'm starting to dread this time of the evening... sleep is elusive and my mind runs in overdrive. I think that anytime a person's life is in a transitional phase, the helpless, out of control feeling of not knowing what you'll have to deal with next makes sleep run scared. For people like me, that's a double whammy. Restless sleep means I have to force myself to be social when I'm awake. As an adult, I've finally admitted to myself that I have control issues to work on so feeling helpless just makes me go overboard about controlling the parts of my life that I still can. I guess working on those issues when the pressure's on makes the change that much more significant but crawling into a fully researched, well structured, predictable hole sounds perfect right about now. To top it all off, I've been craving some face time with folks I either haven't met yet (I know it sounds weird, thank blogger for that) or haven't seen in a long time. If I had extra cash, I'd be planning an escape reality trip. The way things stand, the only trip I'll be making is to the corner market for a quart of milk....

Karaokeing Fool

I've been to karaoke more in the last week than I have in the last two years....and last night may well be the end of my foolish public singing career. I was on the phone when my name got called so I just said, "Hang on a sec, I've gotta go sing, but I'll be right back." and proceeded to ass out by singing Blondie "One Way Or Another." I could barely hear myself because the bar and the background music were so loud, I had smoky bar voice and I was a tad bit daunted by the fact that someone was listening on the phone. When I got back to the table, I picked up the phone and as I was apologizing profusely, I missed what the dj said about my oh-so-sad performance. When I asked my friends, after I finally got off the phone, how bad it was and what the dj said, they said he'd commented that he'd never heard it done that way before and that he thought I rocked. Huh. Either the dj is deaf, or he's a big fat liar. I'm voting for the latter since he sang three times and frickin' ruled!! So, yeah, if anyone ever comes out with me to karaoke, I apologize in advance for the damage I may inflict on your ears....

Is that a job I see on the horizon?

Today, the manager of the office I'm working in informs me she's going to keep me around for awhile to learn how to do the bookkeeping and if she gets her way, I'll become her personal assistant. Say whaaaaaa? A job? For moi? You don't say.... More concrete details as things evolve...

Welcome to 2003

Damn. That was some fine rum punch we made last night. And there's nothing more classy than drinking your punch out of the vase you made it in. Except maybe drinking a whole bottle of wine by yourself, doing a double shot of tequila out of a coffee cup before you start in on the punch and then passing out on the couch about an hour and a half into the new year. Good times. I even wore a dress, which is so not like me. Glad I thought ahead and brought jeans and t-shirts to change into later. Went to brunch this morning at the Cricket Cafe over on Belmont and had to wait forever to be seated and have our orders taken. For some reason, whomever is responsible for staffing that place thought it'd be ok to only have one waitress and one cook working today during the busiest time of the morning. By the time we got our food, which was really good, we were just so happy to finally eat that it could have been really bad and we'd still have inhaled it. Then we headed over to catch a movie and and back to Owen's for after-party damage control. With four of us working on it, it went quick so that was good. Now that I'm home, it's hitting me how tired I am. And how much I need a shower.