Kick Me, I'm Mean

I've been thinking about that painfully shy mod boy from the karaoke bar that gave me his number and I never called. It's not like me to take someone's number if I have no intention of calling them so I'm not sure what possessed me to make an exception and take his. Maybe pity. Who knows. Anyway, it's been eating at me. I know I should just let it go, but I make a point of being up front with people and I feel like I gave mod boy a false sense of hope which is just mean. He's already got problems if he needs his friend to talk to me for him and the idea of dating someone who's intimidated by me is just ridiculous, so why did I take his number? Maybe the real question is why didn't I just call him and tell him it was sweet of him to come talk to me but I'm not interested in anything other than maybe being friends with him? Ugh... I know why I didn't do that. I've been in this kid's shoes and it sucks to be rejected. No one wants to hear "Let's just be friends" if they're attracted to you. I've heard something like that so many times that the thought of having to say it kills me. The worst part is that even though Portland is a fairly big city, the chances of running into him again aren't that slim. What does one say in a situation like that? "Yeah, I was totally going to call you, but I did laundry and left your number in the pocket of my pants so it got washed and the number disappeared..." "Oh, hey, yeah I was so going to call you but my dog died and I locked myelf in my room to cry and haven't talked to anyone until today..." "Um, you must have met my twin sister because I've never seen you before..."

I actually have these conversations in my head and the harder I try to be a nice, honest person, the more I realize how much self-imposed guilt comes along with living your life worrying about everyone else's feelings. I really need to stop that...