Do Not Doubt The Power Of The Lucky Underwear

His name is Michael. We met at the bus stop again this morning and he's bringing me one of his band's cds next time he sees me. He plays the bass (among other things, he said) and they have a show coming up at some dive under the 405 near the Dandy Warhols' house. Apparently, I should go. I said he should come to the show at the Ash St. tomorrow night. Looks like he will. He said the bus always almost misses his stop. I suggested that pulling the bell might help. He gave me the "ok, smartass" look and said he'd have to try that. Next time I see him, I'm giving him my number.

Off To The Land Of Make-Believe

This is for Mr. Rogers who is no longer with us:

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...
A beautiful day for a neighbor...
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?

Lucky for the future children of the world, King Friday and the rest of the make-believe crew are syndicated.

Social Retardation

Why is it that I spend morning after morning wishing this cute guy I always see on the bus would notice and talk to me and then when he finally does, I find out he's in a band, we went to the same college and we hit it off, but I am such a social retard that I didn't bother to ask his name? He didn't ask mine either, so maybe we're both retarded enough to be a perfect match...

OMGOMGOMG!

Even though my birthday is still a week away, I can state with complete and total confidence that I’ve already gotten the best present I’m going to get this year. This transmission is coming to you from……my new laptop! Yeah baby, yeah! My folks surprised me with it Saturday night and I was pretty much stunned speechless. Once I got my speech back, I cried. Yesterday, I bought 25 cd-rws and a case for them because along with the laptop I got a cd burner. As if that wasn’t enough, we went shopping so I could pick out a carrying case I liked before I left to go home. Am I the luckiest mofo you know or what? The way I figure, I probably won’t get another birthday present for the rest of my life, but at least I’ll be able to say, “Hey, look at me, I have a laptop! Woo hoo!!”

Surprise!

Last night, Chris, Jen, Jess, Scott, the Keeners and I met up for a surprise birthday get-together in honor of Chris's 29th. He had no idea what he was walking into, so it turns out we're pretty good at keeping secrets and planning shindigs. The evening was documented on video and I'm interested to see the tape of Chris singing Men At Work. Boogie Woogies turned out to be a good choice to start the night off and after we found out the Portland City Grill closes before 12:30am, we ended up at Canita for drinks and late night snacks. Good times.

If You're Gonna Pee, Pee Into This

I went out to Clackamas this morning before work to take the mandatory pre-employment drug screen. I wasn't worried about it as far as passing goes, but I wasn't really looking forward to peeing in a cup. The potential for a misfire and peeing on your hand is fairly high and I usually try to avoid wetting myself if at all possible. This particular morning, the tech was lucky I gave her anything at all as I'd woken up in the middle of the night parched, chugged a liter bottle of water and went back to sleep only to be woken up again two minutes before the alarm went off by a very full and irate bladder. Anyhoo, everything went off without incident. I'm proud to say my aim was perfect this morning and I didn't have an "Aw, geez...I just peed on myself" moment.

Hopefully, all the water I chugged cleared the crack out of my system.

And The Helpful Shall Inherit The Flowers

I got flowers delivered to me at work today from one of our residents. I'd helped him get his phone connected and he so appreciated my efforts that he sent flowers. What a sweetie! He said he wanted my card the day I helped him so he could write a letter of appreciation about me to my boss so the flowers were totally unexpected. I've gotta say, people like that are the ones who make me happy about coming to work.

Three Things

1. It would be wicked cool if someone wrote a blog about me called "Tiffany's Evil Web of Evil."

2. I got two tickets to the 30 Seconds To Mars/Trust Co. show on March 22nd. Who's with me?

3. Someone promised me a bedtime story and this is the official reminder to write it. So get on it, yo.

Yet Another Trip South

I'm heading down to visit my parents this weekend. My friend Chris's birthday is Thursday, so I'm hoping to see him Saturday at some point since I can't be in Eugene for his actual birthday. Maybe lunch or something. If Chris would actually call me back or something, I could actually make a plan. But whatever.

I have to rant about something for a sec, so bear with me. Of the all time most annoying sounds, my personal least favorite is the busy signal on the phone. With call-waiting and voice messaging being so popular as phone service options, I can't figure out why the busy signal still exists. Anyway, people of Earth, if I'm calling you, and you don't have call waiting or voice mail, don't be on your phone! I know you can sense when I'm going to call you, so quit trying to avoid me and sit patiently by the phone until it rings. Thankyouandgoodnight.

My Sistah

She came, she saw, she shopped like a mad woman and she finally got her sorry ass out of my bed. After she left yesterday, I was so forlorn that I had to order pizza, watch "Dude, Where's My Car?" and spend three hours on the phone trying to hear the difference between ouelette and toilette (which, btw, there isn't any...sounds exactly the same.). As usual, some funny stuff happened: while whacking her with a pillow and calling her a butthole, she thought I said, "Get up, you mole!" as if I were playing the Whack-a-Mole game... she strutted around in Nordstrom Rack wearing a pair of big ass J.Lo style Gucci sunglasses, a fluffy scarf and a big hat and wanted to try walking out of the store like that so she could say, "What? These are mine..." when the alarms went off... driving back to my house after lunch and shopping, she tried repeatedly to sing part of the Avril Lavigne song "I'm With You" in tune and failed miserably... she argued with me as I was telling the now infamous "studio story" about whether or not she was coming out of the shower wearing a towel and mooned me or dropped her pants and mooned me (as if one way was less bad than the other?!)...

If nothing else, she's entertaining. The biznatch is always making me wait around for her sorry ass, but she's still my homie and she can come back and visit anytime...

A Valentine's Day Note

This is to all the girls who say shit like, "If I don't get flowers at work from my boyfriend/husband today, he's so in trouble when I get home." Yeah, bitches, I'm talking to you. People like you don't deserve presents on Valentine's Day because you expect them. You think that the more money your boyfriend or husband spends on you, the more he loves you. Well, that's crap. You're frickin' lucky you have a boyfriend who puts up with your bullshit demands for frivolous stuff that is in no way indicative of love. All they're doing is paying you to shut the hell up and quit bitching at them. So grow up, kids. If you want flowers, go out and buy them for your own damn self.

BTW, thanks for the e-mail, dad! The guy in the little thong looks and dances strangely like you, so it was almost like you were here... ;)

60 Is Right Around The Corner

My birthday is in 18 days. It's the last birthday I'll have in my 20's. Most days I feel really young, but every once in awhile, I start thinking I must be an old soul because I get that run down, old person feeling. Like today. I dunno why.

With it being Valentine's Day Eve, I've been bombarded with questions today about what my plans are for tomorrow night and with whom am I spending the day o' love, blah blah blah. Just so everyone is in the know and no one is confused about me going out whoring or anything like that, I'm going to an art gallery for the opening of a show in which my friend has some of her paintings and then over to the Ohm to see Dr. Theopolis, Rubberneck, Phat Sidy Smokehouse and Solovox. I might pick up sushi for dinner beforehand. I'm doing all of this by myself. There will be no date, no flowers or candy and no whoring. I'm too old for whoring. Thank you and goodnight...

Word To My Homie In So Cal

My stomach is still sore from laughing on the phone with Jen and Josh last night. Every time I call Jen, I laugh until it hurts. Both of us do. And it's over ridiculous crap that I really don't think anyone else would find half as amusing as we do. Like daffy nooch. She's daffy and I'm nooch. Why is that funny? I have no idea. But it cracks us up and once we get going, it's hard to stop laughing. Last night, it was Josh saying, "Sup? Sup? Knowwha'msayin'? Knowwha'msayin'? Sup?" over and over and ending everything in "yo" and doing the always funny Elvis impersonation. Jen kept trying to get off the phone but then someone would say something funny and the laughing started all over again. Good times.

So, anyone want in on a three-way phone call? Pass me the digits and I'll make it happen...

Sweet Dreams

So, as of Sunday, I'm the nicest person you know. I don't claim to be the most humble, but definitely the nicest. And last night, it paid off. According to my calculations, the conversation I had last night was the least argumentative, least confusing, most agreeable interaction I've had with the person on the other end this whole year. In fact, I was lulled nearly to sleep by the warm, soothing voice on the other end of the line. The stories I was told weren't boring or anything, quite the contrary in fact, but in our non-argumentative state, added to the fact that I'd crawled into bed and gotten warm and cozy, I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Must have fallen into a comfort zone or something. And I slept like a baby. Whether it was me being nice or just refusing to argue, I'll never know. All I can say is I wouldn't mind a repeat performance...

In The Kitchen

I have discovered the best "I want some Indian/Thai food but I'm too much of a lazy piece of crap to make it myself" food ever. I give the Bombay Potatoes and Jaipur Vegetables two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Tonight I'm testing out the Madras Lentils. Yum.

The Morning After

I was out until just after 5am. I'm not hungover, but I'm one tired mo-fo. The show rocked and the after hours festivities were fired up. I met this guy from Canada who was just down for the night with a friend and we ended up talking for a long time and trading numbers before we left so that when he comes back down in a few weeks, I can show him around and maybe catch another show. Woo! Yet again, a younger man (he's 23) gave me his number. It's a damn good thing I like 'em young 'cause I'm not getting any love from the guys my own age....

It's Orgy Time!!

I don't know what possessed me this morning but, in the process of rotating the cds I tote around with me, I grabbed the Orgy album "Vapor Transmission" and threw it in the bag. I popped it in the player right after I got on the bus and I remember now why I bought it in the first place: track 6, "Eva." I haven't bought a new cd in awhile, so I'm trying to revisit some of the old stuff and this might hang out in the bag for a few weeks. I usually switch out 4 or 5 at a time once a week or so and, of course, there are the few permanent fixtures in the mix. You know, the stuff you can't get enough of and never gets old. Today may well be the day I break down and buy the Strokes album to add to the bag instead of just borrowing it from my roommate, but officially, it's Orgy day.

Oh Man, I'm So Going To Hell

Tomorrow night, I'm heading down to Dante's to see Dr. Theopolis, King of Spain and The Bella Fayes. Tonight, I'm not doing anything, so if someone wants to ask me out, now would be an excellent time.

The Tale of Wanton Lust

Once upon a time, there was a girl who did her very best to be good and pure of thought and deed. Much like Snow White, she liked apples, cleaned up after her roommates and was kind to animals and midgets. All in all, this girl was pretty spiffy. One day, while riding the bus and thinking about the new John Fluevog shoes she was planning to buy, she looked up into a pair of smiling brown eyes set into a cute boy face. She smiled back, then looked out the window and fell back into her daydream about shoes. The boy sat down next to her, as it was the only empty seat on the bus, and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Wanton. Wanton Lust. What's your name?" She introduced herself and they continued their small talk until the girl's stop, at which point she said her polite goodbye and got off the bus. She never saw him again, but she began to find herself distracted by thoughts of Wanton Lust. Commercials on tv, movies, songs on the radio....everything reminded her of Wanton Lust. Eventually, she couldn't take thinking about him anymore and decided to go out and find him. She had to know once and for all what kind of spell Wanton Lust had cast upon her. She searched the city for him and sadly came up empty handed. Finally, she decided to give up. She vowed never to look for or think of him again. The very next day, she put on her headphones, cranked up Jimmy Eat World, got on the bus and worked on a crossword puzzle. A few minutes into the ride, she looked up to see Wanton Lust smiling down at her and asking if he could sit next to her in the only empty seat on the bus. She kicked him square in the nuts and got off at the next stop never to be heard from again.

The moral of the story: when what you think you want comes looking for you after you don't want it anymore, the best thing to do is kick it square in the nuts and run away.

Is It Greedy To Want More Of A Good Thing?

I want a computer. And I want a longer lasting battery for my cell phone. And I want some falafel. And I want red streaks in my hair again. And I want to pay off all my bills. And I want you to kiss me like you mean it. And I want a party on my birthday. And I want my sister to live closer. And I want the pink Karmann Ghia from "Pretty in Pink." And I want to go visit my friends who live in other states and countries. And I want you to make me a sandwich. ...I think that's about it.

It's Not Easy Being Green With Envy

My sister is in Brazil again. She'll be home on Friday for three weeks and then she goes back to being Julie on the Love Boat. Sometimes I really wish I didn't need a sense of stability and a permanent place to call home because I'm totally envious of her travels and fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants lifestyle. Everytime she comes home she says she's not sure she's going back. She always goes back. I guess I don't blame her. I couldn't do the dorm-style living or cafeteria dining or 90-hour work weeks or extended periods away from my family like she does, but I could certainly deal with going to Brazil for a month or Canada for a week or two on vacation or spending $500 at the mall like it's no big deal when I happen to be in port or being constantly surrounded by cute boys with accents. I suppose I always have the presents she brings back to look forward to, but that's just me being greedy and my issues with that will have to wait until tomorrow.

The Grapes of Wrath

"In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage." So says John Steinbeck. Personally, I try to keep the wrath to a minimum, but this morning I wanted so badly to open a can of whoop-ass on the evil woman who came in to yell at us about a parking space and then left before we could fix the problem for her. What was the point of coming in at all if she wasn't even going to wait a minute for us to figure out how to fix it? Starting the day off angry is sucky. Seems to make the rest of the day drag and things that wouldn't normally bother me seem irritating. It's a damn good thing we have cookies.

Feeling Slothy

I'm pleased to report that the bar we went to last night was not, in fact, a karaoke bar. It was a dueling piano bar. And I didn't have to sing all alone. The whole bar sang along with the piano players. The place is called Boogie Woogies and it kicks ass. After, we all went to Canita to catch the last 10 minutes of a salsa band and chat with my cousins. We were starving at that point, so we headed over to the 24-Hour Pancake House on Powell and promptly got kicked out for sitting down at a table before we ordered (who knew we weren't supposed to?). Anyhoo, after sleeping in until 11, I finally got up and took shower, got dressed and headed out to catch a movie, but missed the first showing by 1/2 hour. I don't feel like waiting until 4pm for the next one. I could see something else I guess, but I'm just not motivated to make a decision. I need to get something to eat, but I'm feeling pretty apathetic about that too. Could someone make some decisions for me and just wake me up when everything is sorted, please?

Oh yeah!!! I was having a nice chat on the phone Friday evening and the next thing I know, I'm being told that when she sent in the rent check, my roommate sent in our 30-day notice to vacate. Huh. A little later, she says she'll call the landlord and tell her we actually want 60 days as none of us has anywhere to move to at this point. Again I say huh. If someone could explain the logic behind any of that, please do share.