Sibling Revelry

My sister is somewhere in Brazil right now and I'm not. She sucks. Since I'm not enjoying myself in a foreign country, I guess I'll have to recount some of the "incidents" of our youth. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm the older sibling because some of these are classic older sibling torture techinques...

1986: My sister comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and I'm coming out of my room at the other end of the hall. She turns around, bends over and grabs her bare butt cheeks and says, "Look at this studio, filled with fabulous prizes just waiting to be won on Wheel of Fortune!" I am traumatized.

1987: My sister has a nasty head cold and decides it would be fun to shove marbles up her snot filled nose and chase me around the house trying to shoot them at me. I am traumatized.

1988: My sister and I have on bikini tops and shorts and we're hanging out in our driveway with the boys who live next door. She decides it would be funny to pull my top off. I am traumatized.

1988: My sister has come into my room for reasons unknown and a fight ensues. I try to hold her back and get kicked repeatedly in the head and stomache. I get in trouble when my sister starts yelling. I am traumatized.

1994: My sister is in the passenger seat and I'm driving. We're waiting in the parking lot where our mom works to pick her up and listening to the radio. She changes the station, I change it back, a few more changes and a fight ensues. I get a slap in the face and a smug look. I slap her back and say, "Don't do it again." She gets out and walks home. I am vindicated.