The unbearable spin cycle in my head

Is there some way to shut the heart off that I haven't figured out yet? I know there must be a hidden switch around here somewhere. This has been the bain of my existence since I can remember. While I've always taken pride in my ability to think logically, I've never been able to balance out the emotional side of me that seems to take over at the worst possible times. It's strange that I would view emotional sensitivity in others as a virtue but when I see it in myself, I see weakness. Someone told me once that when they caught a peek of my emotionally fragile side, it softened their perception of me as a whole and made me seem more child-like....like someone that needed to be taken care of.... And I realized that I spend a lot of time trying to be independent and not need anyone. But the truth is that I like being taken care of...I just don't want to need people. If you need someone, it stops being a choice and that's just one more thing I don't have control over in my life... makes me feel helpless and I hate that.

The other issue is that I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Very few things in my life fall into a grey category and everything else is black and white. It's pretty simple, really. I'm only able to open my heart to one person at a time and once you have it, I don't see anyone else. The rest of the male population ceases to exist. That's not normally a problem since I keep that wall up and distance myself from anyone that could potentially hurt me. So why didn't I do that this time around? See yesterday's post for the answer to that and most other questions about why I do what I do...

Check out the lyrics to Dave Navarro's song Very Little Daylight to see where my head is....things change hourly, but take a look anyway...