What is normal anyway?

There are just some days when I don't want to get out of bed because I know that if I do, stupid little things will make me cry. Today is one of those days, but I'm up and out and so far so good but it's only 12:30. Everything seems extra loud today, like the whispering around me in the library has been funneled through a megaphone to my ears. The typing on the keyboard behind me sounds like popcorn popping in surround sound. And there's a strained feeling in my upper back between my shoulder blades and into my neck that means I'm worrying about something. Or letting myself worry. While I can tell myself not to think about him and distract myself with other things, I'm painfully conscientious of the fact that it's a distraction and he's still in the back of my mind waiting for me to focus and poke pins in my heart. I guess it's sort of silly considering I haven't actually had a conversation with him in two weeks, even though I've been in the same room with him twice and neither of us has said but a word or two to the other. When I'm talking to someone else, I can feel him watching but when I catch his eye, I can't read his expressions. People commented to me the other night that he kept looking over and wanted to know what the deal was, but I really don't know what to say anymore. I think the silence is what hurts the most and while there's probably a lot that should be said, no one is talking. Not even me.

Can't things just go back to normal?