Just Say It

For about the last three weeks, I've been walking around annoyed on some level. And unlike my normal self, I haven't said anything about what's bothering me. I hate feeling like this. If it were just one thing or person, it would be easy enough to just address the issue and be done with it. But for each thing I can isolate and point out what's rubbing me the wrong way there are four or five more that are still waiting to be dealt with and it's making me crazy and teary-eyed. I was telling Jen at work the other day that I figured out what the root of most all tears is: helplessness. When things start to pile up like they have lately, it begins to feel like there's nothing I can do to change any of it and it's overwhelming. I know that my attitude has been shitty lately and the things that I usually let roll off my back have started getting to me so, in effect, I'm making it worse and I need to snap out of it. But it's frickin' hard to be that shiny happy person people expect me to be all the time. It sucks to be the one person to whom everyone vents their shit and not have a face-to-face human outlet for my own. I hate that when someone I know is going through messed up shit, I feel shitty with them. You know why I'm so easy to talk to? I give a damn. And I hate that I can't turn that off.

I need a hug.