Girl Scouts are evil

They look so nice and innocent, sitting there outside the grocery or drug store with their card tables and green sashes and berets just waiting to accost you with their sweet cookie goodness. Well, don't be fooled! Those girls are EVIL! The outfits and supportive parental units and innocent smiles are just tools in their master plan to take over the world by getting people addicted to their crack-filled cookies. I know this because I was once in the cult they call the Girl Scouts....and I got out just in time. I'm ashamed to say I too used to peddle those vile crack cookies from door to door in hopes of winning a bike or whatever prize went to the girl who sold the most each year. I too wore the sash and beret and was brain washed into singing the songs and going to the camp outs. I was so deep into the cult that I spent three weeks at a "horse camp" (read: three weeks of evil cult rituals involving sleeping in log cabins and sneaking around in the dark and torturing marshmellows with open flames and sticks) out in the middle of the Sangre De Cristo mountains in New Mexico. The horror.....

If you have already become addicted to the crack cookies, I'm sorry to say that there's no hope for you. The power of the drug is too much for anyone to combat and the effects can be severe: buying three or four cases to freeze so you don't have to go without a "fix" during the off season, binging on a whole box of Thin Mints in one sitting, saying you're buying the extra box of Samoas for a friend or neighbor but stashing them in your desk at work, making pie crusts out of the Do-Si-Dos........there's no end to the evil things these cookies will make you do. If you haven't been sucked in by the smiling faces on the boxes or the new-this-year chocolate covered shortbread or the puppy-eyed 7 year olds asking you if you want to buy some cookies, there's still hope for you! JUST SAY NO!!! Trust me.....if the devil wants your soul, he enlists the Girl Scouts to get it....