All's Fair....Not.

You know what's not fair? When you're thinking about someone and want to let them know but "aren't supposed to" because of some "rule" that dictates "appropriate behavior" after someone says they "need space." You know what else isn't fair? The fact that overly using quotation marks makes you look like a pretentious asshole and a complete moron. Damn grammar rules ruining my fun whinyness.

Yesterday, Owen came over and we went to Pambiche for beers, appetizers and dessert. During the course of the conversation, he told me he thinks I let people walk all over me more often than I should and that I need to be more assertive about what I want and letting people know when they've pissed me off. The more I think about it, the more I think he's probably right. I know my friends get upset when they see me get hurt because they care about me. And I seem to let a lot of things slide that hurt my feelings by acting like they don't bother me. Well, I'm hurt. I admit it. People hurt my feelings all the time because I'm sensitive. They don't know they're doing it, so I don't expect them to change. More often than not, it's not even what someone has done...it's what they haven't done that I wish they would do ( I know, that's not fair....but too bad, that's how I feel ). My feelings get hurt because I feel neglected. I'm not starved for attention by any means, as I get plenty of that from my folks and my roommate. It's more that a small amount of romantic attention is given to me and I enjoy the person's company so much that it feels hellacious to have it taken away, mostly because I'm not sure I'll ever get it back. It's like chocolate...if you've never been exposed to chocolate, you don't know what you're missing so you don't care. But if you're given a taste, you like it and then you're not sure if you'll ever get it again, it's all you can do not to think about it all the time. It takes over your brain and sneaks into random conversations until you do get it again. And if you don't ever get it again, it'll drive you mad.

....damn, now I want chocolate....