Me Vs. Me, Round 10

Issue #1: I've never been very good at sharing. Issue #2: Rarely does anyone ask me what I want. Issue #3: Far too often, I go along with what everyone else wants just to get to spend time with the people involved even if I don't really want to do whatever or go wherever we end up. I'm pretty easy going when it comes to that stuff. The last few days, all I've wanted to do is stay in and actually get some time alone with D, but that hasn't happened. I've ended up getting time alone with me and that's the last thing I need. Strangely enough, when I've been asked if I'm going to end up where he's going to end up, I've said no. I didn't want to go to the bar last night and I don't want to go out anywhere tonight and while I do want to see him, I don't want to go out. In fact, I'm so adamant about not wanting to go out that I haven't seen him since Wednesday. I've tried to figure out what my problem is and what it comes down to is this: he hasn't stayed the night here since Thanksgiving. Because he lives with his grandparents for the time being, I can't really stay with him. This whole thing is making me nuts but I feel guilty and selfish for wanting what I want. On top of that, it's depressing as hell to sit in the car in front of my house or his and look at each other and want to go in or want him to come in but end up going in alone. It kills me and makes me not want to go out at all. I feel like I've been exiled...like I'm being punished or something. And that's all I have to say about that.