The Worm Can Is Officially Open

Having spent the entire of my adult life alone, and by that I mean single, I’ve begun to wonder if that’s how it’s supposed to be for me. Sure, I go out on dates and give it the old college try, but between my old tendency to push people away and my track record of being pushed away, it’s becoming obvious that there’s something wrong (besides wearing my heart on my sleeve rather than in my chest like normal people). It’s strange to think that someone who’s such a pathetically hopeful romantic should be so bad at finding someone to love and be loved by in return, but such is the case. And as unromantic as it might sound, I’m not looking for love at first sight fireworks or thunder and lightning…in my experience, that initial jolt of wow hasn’t been followed up with any sort of depth or commonality. I’m looking for a best friend who, one day while I’m sitting across from him at some cheesy diner listening to a story about his camping trip with the guys or the show I missed while I was out of town, I’ll look up from my french toast at and think, “I love this guy. Whoa. I actually love this guy.” And that will be that. And if that’s not what’s waiting for me, then maybe I’m just kidding myself with the whole dating thing, but I won’t know if I don’t keep trying.

But wait there’s more. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more open to possibilities. I don’t want perfect. I want quirks and goofiness and learning experiences. But it’s rare that I meet someone I see potential in and want to make time for. When I do, I want get to know them and become friends first rather than jump into a relationship because that’s the “normal progression.” I don’t think it’s fair to say, “By the nth date, we should be at point x in the relationship timeline.” Dating and science are mutually exclusive as far as I’m concerned and everyone progresses at a different pace. If I enjoy someone’s company, I’m willing to see how far along the road our paths run parallel. And if I enjoy their company, making time for them isn't a burden or an effort...it's a pleasure.

Not that anyone asked to know any of this, but there it is anyway. Is it the right way to look at dating? Doubtful. Has it worked out for me so far? I'm still single, so evidently not the way I want it to...but I have some amazing friends because of it and if that's what I'm supposed to get out of my relationships, then I think I'm pretty lucky...