My Dreams Are Fucked.

Woke up half teary-eyed in the middle of the night after dreaming that a table of five people, only one of whom I know and would rather not mention, spent their time picking on me and laughing at me and doing their damnedest to make me feel bad for no reason. The one person I do know came over to my table and said he knew I was having a bad time and didn't mean to hurt my feelings but then proceeded to rejoin his table and laugh at me until I was crying. The whole thing felt pretty real and when I woke up, I felt all disoriented for a minute until M asked if I was ok. Guh. Stupid dreams.

A Break From The Squishiness.

M dropped me off at home around 10ish last night after taking me to dinner and a movie. I got up to my front door, put the key in the lock, turned it and started crying. Just like that...for no reason. He'd been asking me if I was ok and what was wrong all night, telling me I looked sad and that he didn't like it when I looked like that, but I didn't have anything to say because nothing was exactly wrong. I have very little to complain about, except the ongoing issue of never having enough money, and I'm happier now than I've been in I don't even know how long. Obviously, there's something eating at me and it has yet to surface. I haven't remembered my dreams lately and there's usually some clarity in the ones I do remember, so I must be holding something back from my conscious mind. I'm so wrapped up in feeling loved and wonderful that I'm blocking out reality maybe...who knows. The crying freaked me out a bit, though. I don't like losing control of my emotions and I definitely don't like thinking there must be something wrong with me that I can't put my finger on. I spent a good half hour questioning everything good in my life last night and that's just not right.

Stuff And Things And Stuff

Christmas was nice with the fam in Eugene and with friends that evening when I got back to Portland. Sunday, after sleeping in until the last possible second, I went with M to his parents' house for brunch with his dad's side of the family. This meant meeting about 20 of his relatives and a white elephant gift exchange. Everyone was welcoming and chatty so, after the first few minutes of anxiety, I felt right at home. The rest of the day was spent napping and stuff and whatever and we eventually got up and headed down the street to meet T & D for dinner at Noodlin' and dessert at Coldstone. I went to bed early and slept like dead. Couldn't have asked for a better holiday weekend.

Happy Holidays

Happy happy, joy joy! I got a digital camera and a stash of fun stuff under the tree and in my stocking... hope everyone else got what they wished for and that their holiday is spent just the way they wanted!

So Glad That's Over.

The dentist wasn't as bad as previous visits had traumatized me into thinking it would be. The whole process started at 3:30 pm, took almost an hour and when I was done, I was told I'd be numb for another two or so hours. I could finally feel the left side of my face at just after 8pm. That was really the worst part, aside from the aching jaw that has carried over into today. Thank gawd for Aleve...and a sweet boy who made a special trip to the store to have Jello and pudding waiting for me since he knew I couldn't eat anything solid last night. Frickin' adorable.

Going to the bar to sing for awhile tonight. Come out and play. Also, totally in love with the Garden State soundtrack at the moment. In love.

So Nice To Hear...

Friday night, the whole office got taken to dinner at the Portland City Grill and a few of us brought dates. This morning, I was bombarded with comments about how great they think M is for me and how much they liked him and how everyone thought we make a cute couple. It's cool to hear that other people see a little of what I see...

I'm Full Of Sappy Stuff And Things

I'm not really a fan of pet names, but I love it that he calls me "sugar." He looks at me like there's no one else in the room. And he took me to work this morning so I wouldn't be late. I've got the warm fuzzies.

Sonofa...

I have to go back to the dentist to have my tooth fixed NEXT WEEK!!! I have to wait a whole frickin' week!!! *sigh* Since it's not hurting me and there's nothing else wrong in my mouth that needs fixing (I take pretty good care of my teeth), they said it didn't need to be fixed right then and as long as I'm not in pain, they'd schedule an appointment for me to come back...NEXT WEEK!! I should have said it was killing me. At least she rounded off the pointy parts and it's not poking my tongue anymore. *grumble grumble*

I'd Like To Take A Moment To Whine...

...about having to go to the dentist today. I don't even know when or how it happened, but I noticed Sunday that a piece of an old filling had disappeared and now there's a small hole in my molar. It's making me crazy and scraping my tongue. I have an appointment to have it looked at today and I can't even begine to explain how much I hate going to the dentist. I've had very few visits that didn't incite tears. The worst part about today's visit is that they said they probably aren't even going to fix it! I think it's only an exam and x-rays today so I'll have to go back! Plus, today is our office holiday potluck and my dentist appointment is right in the middle of lunch so I don't get to eat and socialize with my co-workers. Guh. This seriously sucks. The only thing that would make it better is if they decide to fix it today...at least then I'd get shot up with lidacaine and wouldn't be able to eat anything anyway. Frickin' hell.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Another ridiculously good weekend has come and gone. I don't know what the deal is but I'm frickin' happy all the time lately. I can't even say how many times I've tried to step back and do a reality check - I can honestly say I've never had anyone treat me like he does ever - and I'm sorta in shock. I'm so used to giving everything, getting very little in return and forcing myself to be content with that... I catch myself on the verge of happy tears over little things like playing the guitar and singing to me or letting me sleep all day and wake up to find him making me lunch or asking how my day at work went. It's a little overwhelming to have someone care so much about what I want...

I told him a couple weeks ago that I've never told anyone I've dated that I love them. I'm realizing that I never said it for a good reason: no one has ever deserved to hear it from me before now.

He Turns Me To Mush...

I'd like to find words that adequately express how I'm feeling but they all seem to fall short. Suffice it to say that I could fall into those grey eyes of his and I wouldn't want to get back up.

Sleep Is Good.

I watched my all-time favorite movie last night, What A Way To Go, and fell asleep about two minutes after it ended at 9ish. I feel much better today...had the sweetest dreams and good, solid sleep.

Weird Headspace...

I didn't sleep last night. My brain was too busy worrying about things I can't control and that left me sleepless. I'm completely distracted today and it's taking way more effort than usual to get my work done. I've found myself on the verge of tears for no apparent reason other than that the remodeling started and I'm just not myself today. Also, I'm completely crazy about M and that freaks me out a little bit...but in a good way. When I wake up, the first person that pops into my head is him and that thought makes me smile.

Need to sleep soon....

So Ready For Two Days Off...

I'm still sick, in case you're wondering. Took two more Tylenol Flu PMs, slept like dead last night and woke up to the old lady smoker's cough. Gross. Whatever's ailing me is trying to get out and the sooner it's gone, the better. Didn't get Indian food last night, but did get my favorite alfredo sauced pasta w/ Taryn and that hit the spot. The little bit of window shopping we did afterward had me zonked out 5 minutes after I got home. Hopefully I'll get a second wind tonight and be able to socialize a bit...I can just see me getting home and passing out until noon tomorrow. Ooo, and I get to do laundry this weekend at home! They finally put a washer and dryer in our building! I never thought I'd be so happy about doing laundry... Ok, back to the grind. It training day for the new kid and I'm the trainer.

Kill The Cold

I love the cold weather, but I hate being sick. I stayed home from work on Tuesday and slept from 8:30am 'til 3pm and then went back to sleep at 7:30pm, woke up to a phone call at 10pm and went right back to sleep until the alarm went off at 7:45am. I felt better yesterday day, but as soon as I get comfortable and think about sleeping, I'm a disaster. This head cold has got to go away soon...I had to leave the Bonfire early last night because the smoke was killing my throat. Hopefully, if I stay home tonight and go to bed early, I'll feel better enough to go out tomorrow. And maybe some Indian food will help clear my head too...

And now to the Sky Cam for the traffic report: traffic appears to be moving steadily with no signs of congestion or hold ups... enjoy it while it lasts, folks.

Oh My.

The days between Tuesday and now have been fantastic. Wonderful. Soooo so good.

Yesterday was the best day ever. I got a text message from M asking if I had plans for the day and did I want to go hiking. I am definitely not a hiker, but I'm game for whatever if it means spending time with someone whose company I enjoy, so I said I was in. I'd never been to Horse Tail Falls, so I didn't really know what to expect and I was amazed at how beautiful it was up there. The trail takes you behind the falls and you can just stand there, watch the water drop in front of you and take it all in...*sigh* I'd like to say that I was a trooper and had no problems with the hike, but I was a total wuss and struggled to breathe for about 3/4ths of it. He was really sweet about it and when I said, "You're probably thinking you're never taking me out here again..." he replied, "I'm thinking we just need to go more often." Oi.

After the hike, we headed back into town and decided to catch a movie at the Laurelhurst. We had some time to kill before Team America started, so we tooled around in Lady Luck, the vintage shop right across from the theater, for a few, walked down to Von Natur, the shop that carries his company's bath and body stuff, which was closed, and then sat and talked in Starbucks for about 1/2 hour. The movie was funny, better than I expected actually...but maybe it was just that I was in a goofy mood. He'd made plans to have dinner with his family, which he wasn't all that into when it came right down to going, but after he dropped me off, he messaged me and asked if I was going to the bar later and did I want a ride. No big surprise that I was, so he came to get me, we had a couple beers and sang until about 11ish and headed back to my house.

I've spent the morning on a cloud... even the sore throat I'm fighting isn't bringing my mood down. I'm voting for more 4 day weekends.

I Should Just Shut Up Now Because I Have No Idea What's Going On.

I got a text message last night on my way home from M asking me out for sushi. He came over, we walked up the street and ate, he walked me back to my door, bear hugged me goodnight and went home. Welcome to bizarro world.

Could This Work Week BE Any Suckier?

Monday sucked. Everyone got yelled at by people who came in or called all day. Today is turning out to be the same and I'm losing my mind. I have to keep telling myself, "Just a few more hours...just a few more hours...and then only one more day" and focus on the Indian food I got for lunch and the music on my cd player. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I loooove Indian food....and that damn Britney Spears song, "Toxic."

Last night in was just what I needed: pizza and cream soda from Oasis, two Steve Buscemi movies (only watched one and then went to bed so I'm set for tonight), and a phone call from Owen to check up on me. All of the distractions (food, movies, phone calls from friends) will keep me from doing something stupid while I'm making myself stop caring. A few more nights of this and the wall will be rebuilt.

So Many Things I'd Like To Say But Won't Because I'm Too Damn Nice...

Guh, the silence is deafening. I am done calling, e-mailing, text messaging. I'm slow but I'm not stupid. If I went stumbling home with every jerkwad who asked, maybe I'd understand why it's so easy to blow me off, but I don't. In fact, of all the girls I know, I'm the least likely to go home with ANYONE. So, why me? Why not pick some random girl who doesn't care and isn't his friend? Is there something intrinsically wrong with me that makes me undateable? Gawd.

I'd like to say that I don't remember the last time I was this hurt, but I remember it clearly and it was in January. I'm locking myself in my room at night until Wednesday. It's for everyone's own good.

So The Girl Says To The Guy...

Sometimes I surprise myself with how much I'm willing to give with little or no return aside from feeling like I'm doing the right thing. I haven't seen M since Saturday morning and that's the cause of my mopey state this week... but after we talked last night, I was left feeling a little selfish and just wishing I could do something to make his life easier. Office jobs can suck the life out of anyone, especially when you're the go-to person for every little thing (as we both are). You feel like the piles of work never seem to get any smaller because the powers that be keep adding more to your plate. While you spend your day being crazy busy, you go home feeling underpaid, underappreciated and like you've accomplished nothing. I know that feeling all too well and it sucks. Hearing that someone I care about is feeling that way and working himself to exhaustion kills me. Call it maternal or whatever you want but it's that helpless thing...I can't do anything about it and, as with all of my friends' problems, I want to magically fix things. I made it clear that while I do want to see him, I don't want to make things worse by depriving him of sleep so we left it that he'd call me Friday if he was up for doing something. I promised my friend Mr. Fabulous that I'd go see his band, Dr. Theopolis, either Friday or Saturday night, so I'm making plans on my own, as usual.

I think I'm getting a serious lesson in patience... or I'm chasing the elusive white rabbit.

It's Gettin' Hot In Herre

Just had some VERY spicy caramel ginger chicken from Dragonfish for lunch and my lips are on fire. Hoowee! I'll be at the bar tonight for pool and I'll do my best not to be the mopey downer I was last night.

Representing

I've spent the morning with a guy here from our corporate office in Chicago explaining our parking issues and how things work at this property. We're hoping some of the issues can be resolved with his help and that he'll be able to make some changes that will positively impact both our income and customer satisfaction. The fact that I was asked by my boss to make myself available to him for any questions and touring the property says that 1.) she wasn't in the mood to represent the property herself because she's been dealing with parking issues for years, and 2.) she trusts me to represent both her and our property well. Turns out I'm good at that sort of thing...the guy from Chicago told her to keep me around and that I was very helpful and knowledgeable. The 8.5 hours of slaving over spreadsheets, researching our database and compiling information yesterday seems to have paid off. Nice.

It's All Good.

Last night was good. No weirdness, no ridiculousness...just green lights.

Eugene Celebration

My dad is turning 60 on Monday. I'm going down to Eugene tomorrow to hang out with my folks early since I have to work Monday and can't be there then. I think there's going to be German chocolate cake. Nice. I'll be back on Sunday.

Anything To Get By...

I treated myself to Indian food for lunch and it turns out I like eggplant. It also turns out that every guy I ever let get close to me hurts me. Huh. Good to know.

Clarity.

I have felt like crap for the last three days, thanks to the guest room renovations, and all the time I've spent fetal in my room has made for too much thinking. After the notable events of Friday night, and the near silence that's followed, it's become clear to me that if I could have only one super power, it would definitely be mindreading. As I was falling asleep Sunday night, my mind racing and struggling against dreams, I hit me that nothing has changed as far as what I want or how I feel, despite or because of Friday night. I still want the same things and I still feel the same way towards M as I have for the last month. Why am I weirded out and confused? Because I never have and still don't know what he wants or how he feels. Can't really be on the same page or make a decision about what's next if you never knew what was going on in the first place.

I'm going out tonight and pretending everything is wonderful.

I'm Joining A Convent.

Note to self: NEVER say you want a noteworthy weekend again. Dumbass.

Only The Boring Are Bored

Last night I finally got around to watching the movie I rented on Monday, The Cooler. Interesting story... casino cooler guy whose mere presence brings bad luck to those around him (William H. Macy) meets down-on-her-luck waitress girl (Maria Bello) and the sparks fly (subplot - mobster boss issues). Now that the weather is getting cooler, staying home and watching movies will be on the agenda more often, I hope.

In other news, I locked myself out when I went downstairs to get pizza after the movie last night. I grabbed keys before I left, but I grabbed my work keys, which didn't help at all. Thankfully, my next door neighbor, Charlie, came to the rescue because I would have felt like a very cold dumbass standing outside all night.

It's Friday and my brain is on auto-pilot. I got myself a tasty treat of Indian curry and basmati rice for lunch and I'm expecting the food coma to hit right around 3:30p...as usual. PSU's Homecoming is tomorrow and I should go down to watch my friend get crowned prince.

No matter what, I'm determined to make this weekend noteworthy.

You Conceed?!?

The peanut M&Ms I'm having for lunch are only dulling the pain of last night's depressing tv watching experience. I'd say all the chocolate is the reason I'm kinda feeling ill, but I was feeling this way the whole time I watched the election results come in... Depressing. National and local. Meh.

Raindrops Slid From The Top Of My Head To The Tip Of My Nose

I got to work this morning soaked. If I hadn't had to sit here half damp for half of the morning, I would have loved it. Once I was dry, my hair did this kooky flippy thing that I've just had to deal with and pretend it was intentional. Also, today was the day a video project started and our office was the first to be filmed for the Christmas party presentation. Fantastic.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

The weekend was.... stupid. Bah.

Bi-Polar Much?

It turns out I can go from grumpy biatch to ridiculously giddy in 8.2 seconds. Fantastic.

Also, Eric lent me a copy of the Muse cd Absolution and it's pretty rockin'. I realized after hearing the whole thing through that I'd heard "Time Is Running Out" and "Hysteria" before but "Stockholm Syndrome" has a bunch of awesome guitar solos so I liked it right away too. All in all, I think they sound like Placebo meets Queen meets another band whose name is eluding me at the moment. Good stuff.

I Blame Billy Corgan.

Yes, I live in the apartments above Powell's on Hawthorne and yes, Billy Corgan was there signing copies of his book last night. I saw him, but didn't stop to get his autograph or chat or take a photo. In fact, I was a little annoyed by his presence. He caused a line of people that stretched down the street and around the corner to block the door my building and when I tried to go in and out, they looked at me like I was the one annoying them!. There were enough people milling around that I ended up getting totally rained on while I waited for my bus. People are frickin' rude.

Anyway, when I found out who all the people were willing to brave the rain for, I started calling everyone who might give a crap that he was there. Yes, everyone includes that one guy I wasn't going to call. Guh. Damn you, Billy Corgan. Damn you.

Yes, I Voted...No, I Don't Want To Talk About Politics.

The weekend was spent mostly in my bed, sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore and then in desperate need of a nap a few hours later... For the first time in months, I didn't go out Friday or Saturday night and, strangely, I don't feel like I missed a thing nor do I feel like I was missed. Sunday night, I felt great and was happy to be among friends (even got a compliment from the king of nothing nice to say), but today I'm back to not wanting to do anything but sleep. The seasons are changing and I'm going into hibernation mode with a vengence. Blankets and pillows and pjs, oh my.

In other news....wait, there is no other news. Nothing worth mentioning is happening in the romance department and work is the same old shit, different day. Meh.

"Tucky Bunnies"

My friend Tim out in Boston says he's "gonna to go tucky bunnies" when we're on the phone and he's gotta go to bed. I know it's Friday and I'm supposed to go out and make the most of the fact that I can sleep all day tomorrow if I want to, but nothing sounds better right now than going tucky bunnies. I may, however, change my mind after a nap when I get home, so if you see me later somewhere other than in my apartment, don't give me "that" look.

Dudes.

I don't get 'em. Any of 'em. Blah.

Coming Down From The Dressed Up High

One of the reasons I don't get dressed up very often is the few days after... I feel so...blah. Boring. Plain. The reaction I got on Sunday night gave me a crazy high but today I'm feeling sort of deflated. I heard so many people say I should wear stuff like I wore on Sunday more often but, if I dressed up more often, it wouldn't be as special when I do. And really, when it comes right down to it, I'm a t-shirt and whatever girl. Strappy dresses usually make me feel naked (although Sunday I felt strangely comfortable) and I'm already tall so heels are a rarity. Anyway, the point is that I'm feeling blah...and the only solution is to go shopping. Sweet.

My Psychic Powers Strike Again

Last night was so much fun! I love seeing everyone dressed up and while I always think my friends are hot tamales, last night they all looked great. I spent a good portion of the evening blushing (so good for the ego) and to top it all off, I won the big raffle prize of the night: my very own karaoke machine! Sweet! The funniest part is that I totally called it about two minutes before my name was called... crazy. I'm still smiling.

If You're Feeling Generous...

I still want a t-shirt that says, "Damn, I'm funny." or "I crack myself up."

"Thank you for your interest, but the position has been filled."

Date problem solved before pool last night, thank gawd....I was in a FOUL mood by the time it was over at 11:30(!!!) and left right away. No, I don't want to talk about it. Suffice it to say that I'm getting too old for this crap.

Damnit, Beavis.

I found out last night, in a weird round-about way, that the person I asked to the party on Sunday has a girlfriend. He got his own invite last night as well, so I suppose I should be consoled by the fact that I found out early enough to ask someone else. So, without further ado:

SWF iso back up date
Me: cute, intelligent, funny, cleans up nice. You: cute, intelligent, funny, available from 8pm until whenever this Sunday night. Semi-formal attire required. Drunken make-out potential preferred but will make exception for good conversationalist. Leave a message at the beep.

I Probably Shouldn't Like This Stuff, But Whatever.

1. The band Switchfoot. I love their song "Dare You To Move" so much that I went and bought the album the other day. I pretty much like the whole thing.

2. The tv show Charmed. Alyssa Milano is hot. Yeah, it's cheezy and ridiculous, but so was Buffy and I loved that too, so shut it.

3. Yukon Jack, straight. It's straight from the Devil, but I love the warm fuzzy feeling that comes immediately after you take a shot. I've lately been ordering snakebites (Yukon and lime juice) and they're just peachy for sipping.

4. The movie Barbarella. Jane Fonda was apparently a lot more fun before she became a stuffy activist (can you say hot in those space outfits?!) and without this film, Duran Duran would have had to pick some lame name like Simon and the Taylors.

5. Hot Topic. I'm not ashamed. I love that place. The mall will never be cool, but the Nintendo wrist bands Brad has been sporting are sweet.

"...wouldn't have guessed you were older than 23..."

I had a great weekend. Friday night: out with the cool kids and breakfast at the 24 Hour Hotcake House on Powell. Trip drove Laura home naked. Nice. Saturday night: out with the other cool kids to see CAC at the Tonic and then to the BR where I surprised myself by asking an acquaintance to the cocktail party this coming Sunday. Go me! Follow that up with a stranger asking me if I was a PSU student. Sweet! Sunday night: out with the regulars (also cool) and singing songs I don't normally do... I should just start taking requests all the time and see what happens. Saturday and Sunday days: shopping, having lunch with friends and getting my hairs cut. The shopping was kind of a bust, but the haircutting made up for it a little.

Tonight, I sleep.

I'm A Winner...Yay!

I had a good time last night after winning at pool (finally...all that negative reinforcement really worked!), singing and being goofy with the usual crew of Wednesday nighters and a hoard of WCI students who managed to join in on every song and crack us up. While at pool, I talked to D for a bit before we started and he said something about being in yet another transitional period after thinking he'd finally gotten through the one he was previously in... I told him his whole life will be transitional and he said he thought he was living through the difficult transitional years. I think every transition is difficult. Life just doesn't seem to get easier. We learn to deal with it better and roll with the punches and let things slide or fight the battles that we deem worthy and struggle to keep what/who we see as important "in." Priorities shift and routines change and people change. If life was stagnant, we'd all be bored.

In conclusion, I'm glad we're talking again. I missed my friend.

I Don't Feel So Good...

Stayed home sick yesterday. Yuck.

Head Games

Last night, I lost at pool again. Not by tons, but it doesn't really matter. Losing is losing. I'm not upset about it, though. It turns out that I was recruited for the team again this season not for my amazing technical skills (riiight.) but for my psychological coaching abilities. Jason (ranked at a 7) put himself up second and Noah's team played their highest ranked player (a 6). In case that doesn't mean anything to you, Jason had to make more shots to win than the other team's guy. Anyway, about half way through the match, they were tied, which actually meant Jason was behind. He holds himself to super high standards when he's playing pool and he gets mad at himself if he's not playing perfect...this does not help his game. So, I put on my nurse's uniform (just kidding), went over to him between racks and worked my magic. Needless to say, he won. Damn, I'm good. In related news, I'm getting much better at taking directions when I'm playing. I think we're on the back side of the learning curve.

Jiggy

So, we're in London and we're talking about what we want to do for dinner and the rest of the evening. I threw out an idea and Mom said it sounded good and then Dad says, with a big grin on his face, "I'm jiggy for it!" Oi. I looked at my dad, shook my head, did my best to look disgusted and said, "It's WITH, not FOR. Jiggy WITH it. Geez." He, of course, said, "Ohhh! Ok, I'm jiggy with it." and started laughing. By this time my mom was cracking up and I just lost it. For the rest of the trip, we all said we were jiggy for whatever.

Sometimes I pretend I'm not related to these people.

A Modest Proposal

In order to reduce overall stress levels, establish a healthier, more positive work environment and a more productive work force, I propose a new nationwide work scheduling system: mandatory two week paid vacation every other month. All in favor?

Yesterday, a resident brought 4 bottles of different wines to us here in the office. Can you say sweet? He said he'd bring more (he works for a distributor) before he moves to his new house. So, last night I cracked open the bottle of chardonnay I took home and tried not to think about work. I'm sure that by November, I'll be ready to go on vacation again. Either that or I'll be an official wino.

And Another Thing...

My friend Chris is coming back tomorrow from a year away in Australia. This makes me happy for multiple reasons, the top 3 of which are as follows:

3. My Playstation is starting to collect dust and it's just not fun playing Crash Bandicoot Team Racing by myself.

2. Chris is almost always up for a beer or three...or five. Sweet.

1. Chris and I have fantastic arguments about ridiculous crap. I love that.

While I Was Gone...

I bought two cds in London at a place called Fopp, an "independent entertainment retailer" which has a great selection of used cds, books and dvds as well as some new stuff. Both are 2 disc compilations (we all know I'm a mixed tape/cd addict). There are a few bands on the one I'm listening to today, called Strange and Beautiful (which I got for 5 pounds! Woo!), that I'd never heard before and absolutely love...specifically: Aqualung's "Strange and Beautiful," Dot Allison's "Colour me," The Flaming Lips' "Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Part 1," Feeder's "Just The Way I'm Feeling," and Virgin Souls' "Personality." The Flaming Lips song alone was worth it just for the lyrics. Evidently, Part 2 is just screaming. Nice.

TKO In The First Round

I got home last night from work around 6:30p and by 7, I was passed out. A phone call a few hours later from the friend I was supposed to hang out with woke me up. Needless to say, I didn't go out and went back to sleep until 6:30 this morning. So much for jumping right back into things, eh? I AM going out tonight, though. Fo' sho'.

Fun And Games

I missed Wednesday nights. Last night was great (except that I lost my pool match...but our team won anyway) and I'm ready to go out and do it again tonight. Woo!

Picture Pages, Picture Pages...

UK Trip - Sept 2004 Woo!

Flashback

I had a dream last night that I was making out with Christian Slater. You'd think that would be cool but it was weird. My sister kept barging in because we were still sharing a hotel room, but we weren't anywhere familiar. I think the dream had something to do with the fact that we saw him walking down the street pushing his kid in a stroller the first day we were in London. I found out he's there doing a show (Jack Nicholson's role in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) after we saw him on the street and then my dad went to see it and said it was great. The second day we were there, we went to Harrod's and my dad shook hands with Mohammed Al-Fayed, the owner (and father of Dodi Al-Fayed who died in the car crash with Princess Diana), who happened to be touring the store that day with the press following him around and a huge entourage.

Not that you asked.

Home.

Well, I'm back. While I'm sure I'll be writing bits and pieces of my travel adventures here, I'll be telling the whole story (probably repeatedly, so I apologize in advance for that) at the bar tonight and tomorrow night. I wasn't homesick while I was gone, but I definitely missed my friends. Hope to see everyone soon!

Catching My Breath

I'm in Dublin. Rock on. Details when I get back...

And So It Begins...

My parents were already at the airport when I checked in, so I went through the security check and they took my nail scissors and mini swiss army knife. Sucky. They let me keep the tweezers out of the swiss army knife and that's all I really cared about. When we got here, we were told it was too early to check in and to come back at 3pm. It was 11:30 am and all I wanted was a shower. The owner said the only reason we couldn't check in was because the rooms weren't cleaned yet, but if I wanted to take a shower, I could go ahead. I get up the three narrow, steep flights of stairs, lugging my gigantic suitcase, and find out that our shower has almost no water pressure. I felt like I was taking a shower in the sink. Nonetheless, beggars can't be choosers and I was just happy to be clean. It's as hot here today as it has been in Portland and that's just gross. I'm hoping against hope that it cools off the rest of the week.

After we got something to eat and changed out our money, my mom and I hopped on a bus and ended up in Soho, then over in Piccadilly Circus wandering around Carnaby St., and then over into Leicester Square and Trafalgar Square. Got some great pictures of the archetecture and planning to get more tomorrow. My sister gets here in about 1/2 hour, so I'm off to claim the big bed...ha ha!

Hasta La Vista, Baby.

The next post you read will be written from a cafe in London. Sweeeet. I'm at the bar tonight, so come down and drink and say bon voyage!

45 Hours, 25 Minutes, 7 Seconds And Counting...

I'm not excited to leave or anything.

Pajama night at the bar was fun stuff. Sitting at the 24hr Hotcake House at 1am in my pjs and a robe was....interesting. Some guy, who we're all pretty sure was a bonafide pimp, asked me, apparently because I had on purple, if I'd just come from the Prince concert...you know, because people always go to concerts in their jammies and robe. Things started to get loopy right around the time the food arrived. I still don't know what was so damn funny.

I'm excited to go, but I'll definitely miss here while I'm gone.

Get Me The Hell Out Of Here.

Got plenty of sleep but my mind is already in London and I'm feeling kinda peckish. I only have a few things to get wrapped up here before I leave so that's a good feeling. But my patience with things here is short and I think that's half a product of short-timers and half a product of being sick of everyone whining all the time. People make their own paths. If you've made decisions that have an outcome you don't like, do something to change your situation. Don't just bitch about it and expect everyone to sympathize. Frankly, I'm sick of being sympathetic to people who expect things to magically get better for them without changing their approach to life.

Ok, I'm done ranting. For now.

Woot Woot!! All Aboard The Caffeine Train!

I've had two big espresso-based drinks today and a bunch of chocolate. Wooooooooo!!! Between the sugar and the caffeine, I'm in such a good mood that I almost can't stand it. I should just hook myself up to a caffeine iv everyday. Maybe then I'd like people more and be more friendly. Have I mentioned that there's a pajama party tomorrow night at the bar? Have I mentioned that I'm totally stoked to wear my pjs and panda bear slippers in public? Rock.

Frickin', Frickin'...

The ac adapter for my laptop is kaput. This means no computer at home until I get a new one. Work has pissed me off today. I have no money for my trip, for which I leave on Saturday. If you could see me right now, you'd probably run away.

I Blame The Crack.

I wore a skirt to work today. What the hell was I thinking? Tonight, I must catch up on sleep. My brain is obviously not functioning properly if I let myself leave the house like this today.

Wowee.

I had the best time last night! An intern from our corporate office in Chicago was in town for the day to take a look at our parking situation here and report back to his boss. My boss asked me to work with him yesterday, show him around the property and see what there was we could do to make our process flow more smoothly for assigning parking spaces/getting people on a waiting list. Turned out there wasn't much to fix, so he only needed to be in the office for 1/2 the day. He wasn't scheduled to fly back home until today, so he didn't really know what there was to do here in town since it was his first visit to Portland. I offered to hang out with him last night and we had a great time. Dinner at Rock Bottom, dessert and a glass of dessert wine at the Portland City Grill, and then over to the Boiler Room to sing for a bit before walking him back to his hotel in the rain. He opened all the doors, wouldn't let me walk next to the street and paid for dinner. All around good stuff. I'm gonna pretend he didn't just turn 20 two months ago.

Bizarro World

It was about 7:30 this morning. I was having the best dream: I rode up to my grandmother's house in some car with I don't know who driving. I was wearing a white blouse (and later noticed that everyone in the dream was wearing something white), which I never do, and going to some sort of party. Some of my relatives were out on the front lawn, drinking and talking, and I went past them all into the house. The inside wasn't anything like the actual inside of my grandmother's house, but it was familiar. When I looked down at myself, my clothes had changed to dark red and black. I was in a big, poorly lit room with dark wood floors, a desk with a computer at one end and a paper shredder next to it. I went down to the computer and printed out whatever was on the screen, but the paper that came out of the printer said something in big black and red letters like, "Private documents!!! Security clearance required!!!" and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember that freaked me out...so I immediately put the paper in the shredder. Just as it was eating the last few inches of paper, a hand reached out from behind me to save the paper and it slipped through the fingers and away into the shredder's teeth. Next thing I know, there are hands on my shoulders tunring me around and I'm looking into the face of Jonny Lee Miller (hottie guy from Hackers). He had a blue turtleneck sweater pulled up over his lower lip, a black wool hat and was looking at me like I had destroyed something important. I tried to pull away, but I wanted to kiss him...so I pulled the sweater down and leaned in. Just as things were getting good, I was jerked awake by the sound of pounding on the front door. Talk about freaked out. I just sat there for a minute and then heard the pounding on the door across the hall....and then on another neighbor's door. I didn't know what to think, but didn't want to open the door or even look out the peephole. By then, it was about time for me to get up and get ready for work, so I jumped in the shower and didn't think anything else about it...until I was walking down the hall to leave and saw one of my neighbors' door partly open with Portland police officers in their apartment and two people sitting on the couch, handcuffed. I kept moving down the hall and left the building, looking around for police cars or other officers on the street but saw nothing. Is that weird or what?

Early Christmas Window-Shopping

I've started looking at digital cameras to decide which one I'm going to either buy for myself (I give myself at least one Christmas present every year...that way, even if no one else deems me worthy, at least I get new stuff) or put on my list for Santa. I know it seems like it's awfully early to be thinking about Christmas already, but believe me when I say I know what I'm doing. Me and the fat man are like this...ok, well, if you could see me right now, you'd see that my fingers are crossed.

Anyway, the easiest way to get exactly what you want for Christmas, aside from getting it yourself, is to do your research and start dropping hints early. Like around Labor Day. See, Santa is old. I mean ancient. The guy doesn't check his list twice because he's super diligent...he's got a touch of the Alzheimer's and he forgets things. So, it's really in everyone's best interest to write down specifically what they want and include pictures, if possible. In fact, leave pictures laying around of what you want, too... since he's always watching to see if you're behaving yourself and he's bound to see the picture circled in the magazine you've left open or the strategically placed ad stuck on the front of the fridge. Oh, and tell your parents what you want from Santa too. They probably have more pull with the guy than you do.

So, I still don't know what camera I want, but I have a few more days until I have to start my campaign. If you have one that you love, tell me what kind it is and I'll check it out.

13 Days And Counting...Oi.

I can't believe how quickly this trip is coming up. Seems like we were just talking about where we wanted to go a few months ago, but in fact that was two years ago. In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm leaving on Sept. 4th for two weeks in London and Dublin. (*note to self: get a functional cd player before the trip...14 hours of travel time w/o your own music will SUUUCK.) I haven't flown anywhere or even been inside an airport since before 9/11, so I'm interested to see how the whole checking in/security thing goes. My sister has flown several times and always seems to get picked for the "random" extra bag/wand security checks. Between Florida and here, she's had her nail kit taken away from her, they've asked her to take off her belt and shoes, they've pulled her whole bag apart and then left her to put it back in order.... I never thought my sister had a particularly suspicious look about her, but now I'm starting to wonder. She left a couple weeks before the rest of us to travel around Italy, France and Holland before meeting us in England. Lucky bum. I've been keeping up with the weather in the UK so I'll know what to pack and it's been cooler there than here, which makes me the happiest girl ever. Can't wait to wear layers!

Speaking of layers, the rain started yesterday and carried over to today and that means layering weather is hopefully on it's way for next week. My allergies have been acting up for the past few days and it's making me nuts, so I'm thankful for the rain and temperature change. The heat has just been ugly and my eyes are a mess. I've looked stoned for three days and that's just wrong.

In other news, my folks were here this weekend because they got tickets for the Antiques Roadshow. They said the whole process of checking in, waiting to be directed to the appropriate appraisal section and getting their stuff looked at took all of 1 1/2 hours. I think they were expecting something more than what it was. Anyway, Taryn and I met up with them out in Clackamas to wander around the mall and then they took me to dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (tasty!). Later, they came down to the bar for a few hours and got to hear us sing again and see a few of the old college people who were there for Amy's birthday party. I love it when they come out...it's a rare occurance, so I'm always excited when they visit. Plus, they get to see me in a really good mood and laughing a lot, so I get the impression it makes them feel better about how I'm doing here since they can't see me everyday and, as often as not, I'm in a funk or need to vent when I talk to them on the phone.

Enough rambling...it's shower time.

Old School In The Hizouse

I am Mr Do. I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You?

Just When I Thought It Was Safe To Go To The Karaoke Bar...

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but, I'm really good at getting minorly hurt in ridiculous ways. Nothing requiring stitches or a run to the ER or anything...just really painful stuff at the time that seems silly in retrospect and heals up within about two weeks. Like the time I caught my heel on the carpeted front stairs in my building and fell forward down six steps into the foyer while my neighbor looked on in horror. Or the time I was playing softball a few summers ago when got blinded by the sun and caught a ball right in the mouth (which was a bloody mess but surprizingly didn't need stitches and my lip healed up quite nicely on it's own). Or that time on my birthday when I smashed my finger in the front door of my building while trying not to let it slam shut about 1/2 hour before I was supposed to go to my birthday party. Yeah, that was cool.

Last night, I was at the BR with Shauna and Jason. We were pretty much the only people there for awhile and the first time I got up to sing, I couldn't get the mic stand unscrewed to adjust it to the right height. I turned to Brad and said something like, "Dude, this thing is broken or something..."... at which point, I let go of the top section and grabbed onto the bottom section right as the whole thing loosened and the top section dropped into the bottom section, thereby pinching the fleshy part of my hand between my thumb and first finger between the very top of the stand and the part you twist to keep the stand at the right height. Sonofa.... Thankfully, I was drinking for awhile before this all happened and Yukon Jack is a great pain reliever. Today, it's purple and a little swollen and hurts a little when I move my thumb. Lame.

Karaoke...It's all fun and games until someone pinches their hand in the mic stand.

Txt Msg Addict

I really think I have a problem. I can't get enough of my phone and text messaging. Ever since I switched over to AT&T Wireless and got the Nokia 6800 (the one with the full flip out keyboard), I'm constantly texting people. Ok, mostly Taryn, but sometimes I text other people too. For example, last night I spent about 45 minutes texting back and forth with Mike. In the middle, we had a 2 minute phone call that got cut off because of reception problems, so we continued texting each other. So silly. When I don't have my phone (which is always an accident), I feel naked. Crazyness. The one time I thought I'd lost it, I was almost in tears until I finally found it. Ridiculous.

I need professional help.

I Guess The Clean Laundry Is Worth The Trauma...

The laundrymat closest to my apartment is kinda weird. It's in the process of being renovated, but it's open while they're doing the construction so there are big holes in the floor where the new washers are going to be. There was no one there on Sunday (was everyone in church or something?) so that meant all of the washers and dryers were open (sweet!) but the dry cleaners isn't open on the weekends, so there was no one there to tell about the change machine being out of service. The guy in the mini-mart next door called the owners, but didn't know when they'd show up and by then I was about ready to just wear dirty clothes and say forget it. I waited for about 20 minutes and the guy showed up to fill the change machine, but proceeded to chat with the lady who works next door and dink around while I'm sitting there waiting to get my laundry done and get the hell out of there. The last place I want to spend my Sunday is in a hot laundrymat with the dryers running and no music (my cd player decided to crap out and not read any of the discs I put in it yesterday). Two hours later, I was finished and home and so happy to have clean sheets that I took a nap right then and there.

I'm Not Actually Your Friend..But I Am...

The Bite reminded me how much I really don't like people. I mean, I like specific people, but people in general annoy the hell out of me. The bands were worth traversing the sea of dinks to find a seat and I was glad Taryn was with me because she was thinking the same things about the crowd as I was. Plus she took some funny pics during the show and that's always good for a laugh. They Might Be Giants was awesome and Death Cab For Cutie sounded great. DCFC played "I Was A Kaleidoscope" and I thought of Koji because he introduced me to them with that song on a mixed cd he sent me once upon a time. And, aside from being bonked on the head by the doofus next to me (three times!), I had fun watching TMBG play. Good stuff.

Later, we went to the BR and I was once again reminded how I am different from my other female friends in that men say things to me that they never say to my friends. I spent part of the night talking to Brad and Wes, who I'd previously thought was adorable...but evidently he was too drunk last night to realize that it's not cool to tell someone you think they're the cutest thing ever and want to make out with them only to take some other random girl into the bathroom five minutes later. Mindboggling. Ah, the joys of alcohol.

After the bar closed, we were hungry so, after trekking to the 24 Hr. Hotcake House and seeing the line, we headed back downtown to the Roxy for breakfast just after 3am. Woo hoo for bacon and french toast! I slept until 1:45p today, dragged myself across the street to get a haircut (hooray for haircuts!), and I'm feeling like taking a nap for a bit until it's time to get ready to go out again (yippee for going out again!).

Rare Post Regarding Politicians!

When politicians need actors and musicians to draw a crowd for them during their election campaigns, it makes me wonder if the people are actually looking at the candidates' platforms or if they just want to rock. The other thing I wonder is whether people vote for these candidates based on the fact that some famous person they're a fan of is supporting them. I mean, if Sean Penn is voting for Dennis Kucinich and you're a Sean Penn fan, you'll vote for Kucinich too. Likewise, if Leonardo DiCaprio is going around to public appearances in support of John Kerry and you loved Titanic or used to watch Growing Pains, then Kerry is the candidate for you.

Personally, I just want to rock and I'm pissed that I had to work while Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora jammed at the Kerry convention.

Also...

I'm in love with Peter Murphy again. Ok, not Peter Murphy actually, but his music. Yeah.

Not-So-Scary-oke

I love Wednesday nights. The regular Wednesday crowd at the bar is so much fun! Shauna and I thought it'd be fun to pick songs for other people and it turned into Regulars Scary-oke Night. We had everyone's name on little pieces of paper and you got to put in a song, unseen by the singer until they got up to sing it, for the person you picked. We ended up with about 4 or 5 songs each and, since we'd decided to be nice, everyone did well with the songs we chose for each other. I love it when we mix things up like that because so often, we all just sing the same old thing and have a tough time picking new songs. Sundays are great for that reason too, because we usually make a point of trying new songs early in the evening while no one else is there.

Also, unexpectedly, I was given a cd last night. Sweet.

Everything Smells Like Curry

When we get lunch from the Indian cart up the street and bring it back to eat, the whole office smells like curry. I love it, but a couple of the other people who work here hate it. I'm not sure why, but that makes me laugh. I'm ready to go home but I'm here until 6pm and only have a few more minutes of my lunch break. All of my posts have been short lately. I've got all sorts of things going on but, partly because of time constraints and partly because I've got some stuff in my head that hasn't become cohesive enough for public reading yet, nothing feels like coming out when I sit down and stare at the screen. When it does, hopefully this will be a less boring blog.

I Still Wanna Go To The Beach

I've never been to Multnomah Falls. I've never been to the lava beds in eastern Oregon. I've never been to Christmas Valley. I've never been to Astoria. I haven't been to the beach in years. I'm gonna whine now.

Sad, Sad, Sad.

I just had the most pathetic lunch ever: picante beef flavored ramen noodles, two slices of american cheese and a glass of generic lemon lime soda. Wow. Welcome to restriction. I'm only allowing myself Wednesdays and one weekend day out and no dining out or frivolous shopping until my trip (only 26 days away!). I'm gonna become best friends with my books and video collection over the next few weeks. Someone needs to come keep me company because this is going to suck.

Stupid Guest Room.

I'm awake right now. It's 5am on a Saturday. Sucky.

The 700 Club

This is my 700th post. Holy crap.

Last night was...unexpected. Jennifer came down from Vancouver and hung out all night, which was fantastic. I miss working with her and she always cracks me up. Taryn and her family came out and I'm sad that I didn't get to spend any time talking to her brother as I had a great time with them last time he was in town. Hopefully I'll get another chance tonight or tomorrow night before he and his wife have to head back down to California. And now for the unexpected part: I met someone I'd only previously talked to on Friendster and it turns out he went to high school with Taryn and Izak. Small world, eh? Anyway, it was nice to put a face with the words on the screen (a cute one at that). He still owes me an e-mail so I'm curious to see what he writes now that we've met...

Time for food.

A Million Miles, A Million Miles...

Miles to go before I sleep...and all that jazz. I'm tired already (waiting for the guest room renovations to begin) but I'm going out for awhile tonight anyway. A friend who used to work with me is coming out for the first time in ages and T's brother is in town so it'll be fun to be around different people for a change. I'm going to see if I can sneak in an hour nap before I head out but I have a feeling that's not going to happen... damn. I have to run errands on the way home anyway so it's just not in the cards for me to rest today. Where're the m&m's?

So Much For That Idea...

While I was waiting for the #14 bus to take me home yesterday, the #33 pulled up and someone was sitting in the back looking out the window at me. He looked and then looked away and then looked again...like maybe he recognized me or something...and waved as the bus pulled away. Totally made me grin and pulled me out of my grumpy mood a little. So, thanks mystery bus guy.

Around 8ish, Shauna called and asked if I was going to the bar. I said I hadn't planned on it, but guessed I could. So, an hour later we're driving down to the BR and we're talking about how we've both been pissy lately...too much stupid crap going on, etc. We got to the bar and pool was still going on and barely anyone else was there. We parked it at the usual table and chatted with Brad for a bit before more people showed up and the singing began. We called it an early night around midnight and I slept pretty well with the fan pulling cool air into my room from the living room. Had weird dreams between hitting the snooze this morning...I was at someone's house, helping arrange presents for a party. I carried them into the main room and tried to make the table look nice and my grandmother (looking younger than she actually is for some reason) made some offhanded, surprised-sounding remark about how I was good at what I was doing...and I snapped back a comment about how amazing it was that I could possibly be good at something. She gave me a nasty look and fumbled for words and finally walked away. And I felt so good and so guilty at the same time. And then the alarm went off for final time and I got up. Guh.

Give Me A Frickin' Break.

I'm just now taking my lunch break and I hate everything right now. Grrrr... I'm ready to go home and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day.

Tan Lines And Awesome Cool Dudes

Ok, even though I went to get a manicure and pedicure yesterday (which made me feel extra pretty), I'm still a little miffed about the tan lines on my arms from going to the Red Bull Flugtag on Saturday. I love my pale complexion and the tan lines around my wrist and shoulders were not on the agenda. I guess I should have seen it coming but, after putting on SPF 45 before leaving the house, I figured I was good to go. Should have brought my paper umbrella. Damn.

So, last night I went over the the Ash Street Saloon to see CAC and I'm so glad I went a little earlier than planned because the band before Brad and Eric was awesome. They're called the Awesome Cool Dudes and they're from Austin, Texas. They're playing again tonight at the Twilight Cafe on Powell and if you get a chance, go check 'em out.

In other news, I'm going to England and Ireland for two weeks next month and I can't wait. If you'd like to donate money to the trip fund I was supposed to start six months ago, e-mail me for details.

Oooo.

You're Frylock! The brains of the operation, you
like to use your smarts for fighting crime and
solving problems. Often, you wonder why people
are such idiots.


Aqua Teen Hunger Force - which character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My Brain Is Cooking In My Head

I think I've had too much caffeine. I'm all feverish and my thoughts are fuzzy. I've had an ice pack on my forehead for the last few minutes and it's helping but I still have that heavy-headed, almost drowsy feeling. I'm drinking miso soup and lots of water in the hope that whatever is messing with my head will get flushed out or at least dull. I could lay down and go to sleep right this second. Just close my eyes and be out by the count of five. Guh.

This party doesn't sound all that enticing anymore... If I make a brief appearance and then quietly escape, don't be surprised.

No Rest For The Wicked

I've got a dinner thing tonight right after work in Vancouver with family friends and I don't get to go home first to change. Guh. After being out until after 1am last night, I'm already tired and sorta wishing I could just go home and curl up on the couch. I'm hoping a steady diet of peanut m&ms between now and 6pm when I get done with work will keep me going for the rest of the evening. I'd hate to doze off during dinner and end up face down in a plate of spaghetti or something.

So, last night was interesting... I won my pool match (woo!) and then went home to change before heading down the the BR. One of my neighbors wandered out while I was waiting for the bus to go downtown and proceeded to make some comments that made me really uncomfortable. Compliments are one thing but gawking and repeated references to my "really nice boobs" made me want to put on a big hoodie and sweatpants and lock myself in my apartment. The guy is kinda crazy too (insomniac - not good for the ol' brain) so I'm gonna have to watch myself around him from now on. To follow up that bizarro conversation, some crazy crackhead lady on the bus started yelling at me not to touch her ass again (as if...I never touched her in the first place...gross.) and threatened me with her fist like she was going to hit me. I told her I didn't touch her and not to even think about hitting me and she got off the bus at the next stop... Good times.

Anyway, I finally got down to the bar and ended up talking to Matt (Nick's roommate) for most of the night. We've chatted briefly in passing, since we do frequent the same bar and have a bunch of the same friends, but we actually had the "so, what do you do/where do you live/where did you go to school, etc" conversation last night...he sucked me in with a round of Yukon Jack shots (hurts so good and requires a toast to bad ideas) and later offered to drive me home. Nice.

Tomorrow night, there's a party at Luke's. All the cool kids are going...should be a good time.

Can't Sleep, Can't Sleep, Can't Sleep.

I've been awake for the better part of the last hour. I was laying here, staring at the ceiling and trying to remember the dream I was having with no luck, so I finally went out to the bathroom and drank a glass of water. For some reason, the water from the bathroom sink comes out colder than the water from the kitchen sink. Weird. I went to bed earlier than usual, around 11pm, and I'm sure that's why I'm wide awake now. I don't have to get up until 8am...and I could probably do with another couple hours of sleep.

The sun is starting to come up.

Cream Soda

Is there a tastier beverage than cream soda? I think not. Wanna argue about it? No? I didn't think so.

There's Still Room On My Dance Card

I wish there was still such a thing as dance cards. The whole idea is so romantic and polite and...respectful. People tend to make so many assumptions about one and other that the niceties get tossed out the window. Anyway, I'd rather sing than dance, so maybe that's why my dance card has yet to fill up.

It's Not Cool To Be Hot.

Yesterday was the first day in almost a week that I felt ok about being outside. It's been ugly hot lately and I'm so glad it's cooled off a little. I can't wait for fall...sweaters, jackets, scarves, boots...layers weather. When the seasons change, I'll be motivated to get outside more and walk around the city. The only thing the heat motivates me to do is lay around and nap.

That Had To Hurt.

Taryn, Jason and I went to Conan's last night to see our friend Dan's band, Contusion, play their first show. It was... interesting. Apparently, I make some pretty funny faces when I don't quite know what to make of a band I've never seen before. We all had scratchy throats by the time we headed out (just watching/listening to the screaming bands made our throats hurt) and we all were ready to go much earlier than we actually left. The two things that got me were: the video footage from the last band (Kettle Cadaver)'s dvd - I just don't need to see anyone hammering a nail through their scrotum or stapling into the sensitive skin on the inside of their bicep - and the singer from the first band (Bung)'s gut thrashing around the stage like it had a life of it's own. Keep your nuts in your pants and your shirt on, dudes. Afterwards, we headed down to the BR for a bit and each only sang one song before Taryn and I went home. Today, I'm wishing we'd gone to the bowling alley in Hillsboro to see Eric's band instead. Lame.

Why Is It Always The Girls?

About a week ago, a friend of a friend (both female) asked our mutual friend to give me her number....because she thinks I'm hot and wants to make out with me. Ha. Anyway, she made our friend conduct the whole transaction and other than the initial hellos when we met, she didn't say a word to me the whole night. Now, in the hetero-world, if a dude wants me to call him or I want him to call me, we make damn sure that we've spent a good portion of the evening trying to get to know the person we want to hang out with later. I can't remember the last time I asked someone seriously to tell someone else I like them (I joke about it all the time though because acting like you're in elementary school is fun). Come to find out, she's only 21. Things are starting to make more sense.

Anyway, I obviously didn't call her. First and foremost, I don't want to lead her on. Second, I don't just randomly call people I don't know. So, when she showed up at the bar last night, apologizing for being drunk and shy last time, I wasn't sure what to say. She was there to celebrate her cousin's 21st birthday and hang out with our mutual friend... but after I finished with pool and sat down with my friends, I saw her asking our friend where I was and she made a point of talking to me again before they left, saying we should hang out some time when she gets back from Ashland and get coffee or something..."just as friends or whatever." Oi.

The best part about the whole dilemma is that my guy friends think we should make out... apparently, "that would be hot."

Compare And Contrast

After watching Less Than Zero last night, I realize how much better my life is than those messed up kids from LA in the 80's. Ok, so I'm not a model and I don't have easy access to cocaine. No, I don't have a cool red convertible or go to swanky parties. I've never slept with Andrew McCarthy or Robert Downey Jr. (cracked out or otherwise) and I don't have a loft in Beverly Hills. I've never shagged my best friend by the pool while our parents were right inside having a Christmas party and I've never spent two days detoxing from drugs while my friends took care of me... geez. How boring am I? I never get to do anything fun.

Cherry Crunch And Movie Night

This day was mentally exhausting. So to make things better, I'm going to lay in bed and eat some of the cherry crunch my mom brought me over the weekend and watch movies until I fall asleep. Remember Morgan Stewart's Coming Home? Well, I'm watching it. Love that Jon Cryer. Remember The Secret Of My Success? Yeah, I'm watching that too. And maybe I'll stay awake long enough for Less Than Zero. Things always seem better after I watch 80's movies.

Drunk Dialing Is Fun For Everyone

Last night cracked me up.  I'm ridiculous when I've had more than my share to drink and any shyness I have about talking to men goes right out the window.  I actually said some funny stuff on the phone and thankfully I was talking to someone who could care less today.  Hooray for alcohol!

 

Running Up That Hill

In the first few years of high school, the people I used to hang out with were somehow tapped into the newest of the new music imports.  All of the 80's euro-pop I love today I heard first while at parties or in cars or in the green room of the school theater getting ready for a show or on walkmans at lunch.  I remember the first time I heard Kate Bush - helping a girl with her costume on the opening night of Aristophanes' The Birds - and I paused to listen because I immediately loved it.  Her voice was amazing and I was already addicted to synthesized music from watching MTV.  We listened to that same mixed tape every night before the show during that run and I never got sick of it.
 
There was a time when my voice was quite a bit higher and my range was quite a bit broader, but in my old age I've lost both and tend to avoid singing anything that's too challenging.  Two nights ago however, I wrote down "Running Up That Hill" on a slip at the bar and then talked myself out of it two seconds later.  Shauna said I should do it and then Brad said something along the lines of, "Are you gonna sing or just sit there all night?" so I said screw it and figured since the bar was mostly dead, it wouldn't really matter if I sucked....which I was convinced would be the case since there's no way in hell I could do that song justice and had previously avoided it for that exact reason. 
 
Anytime I sing a song that I love for the first time, I get shaky.  Not physically shaky but vocally.  My throat goes all wonky and I really have to struggle to keep it in key.  And when I'm done, I have no idea how it actually sounded...I just assume it was bad.  Tuesday night, Shauna said it was actually good and she must have really thought so because she put it in for me again last night.  Crazy.  She also called me on not challenging myself and said I should sing more "girl songs." (I end up singing songs originally done by men more often than not because I'm well aware of how much lower my voice is now than it used to be...and because I'm a wuss.)  We'll see what happens. 
 
I think I'm done being neurotic for this week.  Next week is fair game for ridiculousness but for the next few days, I'm gonna just be happy fun time girl.
 

Sadly, I'm No Isabelle.

It's Wednesday. Come to the Boiler Room tonight. Buy me drinks. Sing me songs. Tell me I'm amazing and wonderful and that anyone who doesn't think so is stupid. And if he shows up, kick him in the shins.

The Waiting Game

This is what goes through my mind after three days of silence from someone I'm interested in:

Huh. Nothing. Maybe he lost his phone. Or maybe something happened to him. Or maybe he hates me. Huh. I'm sure everything is fine and he just lost the phone. That's gotta be it. I haven't done anything so he can't hate me. And I'm sure he's fine. He's fine, right? God, I hope he's ok. Whatever, I'm just being paranoid. Everything is fine and he'll call. We had a great time last week and I'm sure he'll call. I still have the sweatshirt he lent me so he has to call at some point to get it back. Unless he hates me. In which case, a sweatshirt is a small price to pay for not having to talk to me again. Hell, maybe he was abducted by aliens. That makes as much sense as hating me. Ok, get it together. He doesn't hate me. He's just busy or his phone is lost or dead or something silly like that. I'm sure that's it. Ok. Breathe.

Blah.

The weekend was mildly depressing. When there's something on my mind, no matter what else I end up doing with other people or how much fun it is, I can't seem to shake the thoughts tapping at my brain, trying to distract me and pulling my mood down. I spent yesterday unshowered, dressed in the same clothes I'd worn the day before, laying on my bed, watching three movies and napping for a couple hours. That's what happens to me when I'm in a funk. I just stop caring about everything. Got a phone call around 8ish saying I should come down and sing with the girls, so I rolled out of bed, washed my hair, put on clean clothes and headed downtown. It took me awhile to feel like I was actually awake once I got there and I felt tired again by about 11. I slept like dead and today I still feel blah. I hate feeling this way. When I'm like this, if someone were to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok, I don't think I'd believe them.

Another One Bites The Dust

FYI, if you say you're gonna call, call. The only excuse is dying or near dying. I'm a worrier, so if you don't call, I assume something bad has happened. Because of this whole thing, I had to fire someone else today. It's so hard to find good help these days.

All Good Stuff

Dodgeball was hilarious.
Dinner at India Oven was super tasty.
That Michael character was excellent company.
I didn't have to play pool last night.
I drank way more than any one person should.
I got to see Taryn and Dan for the first time in a week.
I got donuts.
I got up this morning and made it to work on time.
I might be seeing that Michael character again tonight.

Finally.

I'm going to see Dodgeball tonight...with Mike. My stomach hurts.

How Many Pockets Do These Pants Have?

I got a pair of men's cargo pants from the Gap yesterday ($9.99...couldn't say no) and I'm still finding pockets. Do all men's pants have a pocket inside the right pocket...like for a key or change or something? And what's the deal with the snaps on the cuffs? Am I actually supposed to snap them or are those just for flash? I'm confused.

I other news, I've been in a funk for the last week or so and I've decided to blame men. That's the only logical explaination. I'd blame women, but then I'd be taking the blame myself and we can't have that. Actually, the real issues are money and love and my lack of both.

The money issue is definitely my own fault. I've never been good with money and I make more than enough not to have to live on ramen noodles and pb&j. If I weren't nurturing my alcoholic tendencies and didn't go out so much, this wouldn't be an issue anymore. Which brings me to problem #2: love. I want it, I don't have it and I'm a little bitter about it. I'm starting to think it doesn't exist. Dramatic statement, no? Well, it's come to this: I'll believe in it when I see it. Damn, how did I get so jaded?

And The Streak Is Broken...

So, I lost at pool last night. The winning had to end sometime I guess and I didn't really cry over it because of the news about my job yesterday and all the drinks people bought me last night when I showed up at the BR after pool. Ended up staying out until 3am with Taryn and Leeve because "breakfast" at The Roxy sounded too good pass up and we were all just chatting away and cracking each other up. Oddly enough, I'm ready to go out tonight and try singing "Kids in America" again. Logically, I should be exhausted, but I'm rarin' to go and I'm wondering if I should cut back on the caffeine... Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

Hell Hath Frozen Over!

I'm getting a promotion. Details as they become available...

Too Much Is Never Enough

I slept for so long that I'm still tired, if that even makes any sense. I turned my laptop on last night around 7:30ish to defrag it and decided to just let it do its thing while I took a little nap. When 5:30am rolled around and I woke up, it had a system error and said I needed to run scandisc. So I did and restarted the defrag program and it was still going when I left for work at 8:20am. Bastard thing.

I didn't go to the zoo yesterday, but I did go to Costco and Sweet Tomatoes with Taryn and Dan, so that turned out better than wandering around by myself. Normally, I have no problem spending time alone, but lately I've desperately wanted company and get easily frustrated with people when I don't get it. This explains why I go out so much...I'd happily stay in more if it didn't mean being alone. It's not surprising that people don't want to hang out with me seeing as I've fired them all. I can say this: loneliness is the only thing bacon can't make better.

Still trying to decide if I want to go to comedy night or not. I keep hoping the ratio of funny to not funny will get better, so maybe tonight I won't be disappointed.

Nina's Not-So-Big Adventure

On Friday, I was bound and determined to see Dodgeball on Saturday. After going out Friday night, meeting some cool people visiting PDX from LA and then having a huge argument with a friend on the phone about said people (at one point he actually said, "You know what? Fuck you." and hung up. I had to call him right back and set him straight on what's ok to say to me and what's not.), I slept until 1:30pm and had enough time to get a haircut, come home and dye it and get ready to go out again. So, no movie. I could go see it today, but it's so nice out that I'm going to wander around at the zoo. While I would like company, no one has answered my text messages since Thursday except Taryn. That said, I've decided that everyone, except her, is fired.

Living In Oblivion

Too much weirdness last night. I won my pool match (I'm 5 for 5 now...yeah, baby, yeah!) and then went outside to make a quick phone call in hopes of working out plans for the weekend... I didn't say what I keep wanting to say about the last post I wrote here because I'm a wuss and now I think it's probably best just to drop it. (If he didn't know who I was talking about before, it's safe to say he does now.) A little later, Jason and I walked over to the BR to hang out for the rest of the night and when we got there, Michael was sitting in his Jeep outside. I asked if he was coming or going, he said just got there and we met up inside at the bar. Last Friday, he'd gotten hit square in the face by someone he didn't even know over something that didn't even happen and ended up in the emergency room with a broken cheek, a split that needed dermabond under his nose and bruises over the bridge of his nose. He thinks the guy who hit him had an ashtray in his hand. Guh. He looked a tiny bit swollen on cheek more than the other, but he's so damn cute that it really wasn't that noticeable. I ended up hanging out with him and Bruce and another girl who I hadn't met before for most of the night and the boys were cracking me up the whole time, telling me I was the awesomest and cute and sweet and just being goofy. The attention was nice and needed...

At some point, pizza boy showed up and sat at the table behind us with his friends. I smiled and waved and did my usual "what's up" and got sucked back into conversation with the people I was with. Periodically, I turned around and waved or smiled (normal social etiquette) and pizza boy kept giving me weird looks. When I got up to get a beer, everyone at their table was looking at me funny so I sat down next to him, said hey and asked him what his deal was. He said they'd been there awhile and I hadn't come over to talk to him... I said I didn't see him come talk to me so what's the problem? He laughed and very seriously started talking about his band setting up a show soon and that he wanted me there. He gave me the intense look for a minute and then looked away and apologized for being weird. I asked him what was going on with him and why was he being like that and he said he didn't know. Then he didn't say anything for a minute, I laughed because I didn't know what else to do and then got up for my beer. While I was waiting at the bar, he and his friends waved and left. Weird.

I sang "Just What I Needed" for Mike and Bruce and the Three's Company theme song with Rob, which is always cheezy and always fun, and finally took a cab home at 2am. I'm a little tired today, in a strange mood and kinda wanting to stay in tonight and watch a movie, but I'm going back down to get some pool practice in since the tables are free tonight. I'm sure I'm going to pass out by Saturday.

I Just Need To Say It.

So, um... we've been friends for awhile, right? Yeah, well, um... you know how there are some people you meet and you like them but then you never think that they'd be interested in you, so you just hang out as friends and eventually that feeling goes away... Um... I guess I'm trying to say that the feeling has never gone away. It's gotten to the point of thinking about you when I'm supposed to be focused on something else and wondering when I'll see you next... I had to tell you because it's driving me crazy not knowing if there's even a chance of you being interested in me. So, now you know and even if nothing comes of telling you, at least you know where I stand.

Cocktails And Dreams...

How to make a Tiffany

Ingredients: 1 part jealousy 3 parts brilliance 3 parts empathy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Not That I'm Surprised But...

I really like the new Blink 182 album. The entire thing. Since I can't say that about many albums, I'm glad I bought it. On the flip side, I'm sad that I didn't get to see them play last night.

In other news, this day has thus far been craptastic. The only two moments of joy in the day have been the Indian food I'm eating for lunch and getting to use the word craptastic. Things have to get better.

My Life As A Bitch

I've never had so many people in one night tell me I was being a bitch as I did last night. Wow. I suppose I could explain that by saying: from now on, don't talk to me when I have a pool cue in my hand on Wednesday night unless you're on my team or the other team. I'm easily distracted and need all of my concentration because I'm just not that good. It's fan-frickin'-tastic that people like me and want to talk to me, but please, unless you like the bitchy me, leave me alone until I'm done playing. Then I'll be my normal not-so-serious self.

Guh. This is exactly why I don't play team sports. I'm just not a competitive person. So, if I lose when I'm just playing for fun, then who cares. Talk to me all you want and feel free to distract me. If I lose when we're tied and I'm up last, then I care because it's not just about me anymore.

I'm Not Really A Hairdresser, I Just Play One On TV.

Two people in the last two days have asked me to do things to their hair. Several people have asked me how I got my makeup to look the way it does and what products I use. I think I may have missed my true calling as a hair/makeup artist. Damn.

I Like You...Why Is That So Hard For Me To Say?

I pretend I'm only interested in being friends with people so I don't make the friendship weird or screw it up altogether or have to deal with being rejected. How messed up is that? Pretty damn messed up, I'd say.

State Of Emergency...

In love. 100% in love....with the song "Joga" by Bjork. I can't get enough of this damn song. It starts out with just strings and vocals and slowly pulls all of the elements - strings, scattered beats and electronica, bass and vocals - together to finally fade out to strings again. Lyrically, it's typical Bjork:

all the accidents that happen
follow the dot
confidence makes sense
only with you
you don't have to speak
i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me

then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:

...state of emergency...
...how beautiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...

all that no-one sees
you see
what's inside of me
every nerve that hurts you heal
deep inside of me
you don't have to speak - i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
confuse

then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:

...state of emergency...
...how beautiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...

...state of emergency...

...state of emergency...

I love it.

Clearing Up The Rumors

NO dates with mayoral candidates have been gone on, nor will they be, by anyone here at Bursting With Fruit Flavor due to the fact that said candidate has started seeing someone between the first contact we had with him and now. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused and we will continue to provide coverage of our pathetically sucky love life as it occurs (or doesn't as has been the case lately).

The Voice Is Back With A Vengence

Getting Paid To Bowl

I am a sucky bowler. I admit it. But if I got paid to bowl everyday (much like today, when our company had leasing agent appreciation day and bought us lunch and took us bowling), I'm sure I'd become much better at it. In fact, just knowing that I was getting paid to be there made me bowl my personal best (154)! Now, in the general scheme of bowling, that sucks. I know. But in the general scheme of me, that ruled! Just imagine what I could do given more paid practice time! I'd get discovered by a bowling scout and become a professional bowling genius. I'd be the Tiger Woods of bowling. I'd get a bunch of money from Nike for endorsements and they'd name their first ever bowling shoe after me: The Air Krell. I'd get my own theme song, written just for me by Missy Elliot, that would be played every time I stepped on to the lane to start my game. I'd have a custom pink sparkly ball with my initial on it and little girls everywhere would want to take up bowling after seeing me play... Doesn't this sound like a great way to spend the company's money? I'll be sure to pitch the idea to my boss right after I finish paying that stack of bills for the property...

One More Day Of Rest

Stayed home again. The coughing wears me out. But the rain just started coming down in sheets, chasing the thunder with a vengence. If I'm going to be stuck inside, still feeling under the weather, it's nice to watch a rainstorm from the warm cocoon of blankets and sheets I call my bed. My senses have started to return and, as I love the smell of rain, my body's timing couldn't be better. The low end of my vocal register has come back to normal, but when I try to sing along with the songs I can normally hit dead on, I still sound like Cha-Cha the Donkey Girl. Fingers crossed for speedier recovery because it's back to work tomorrow, no matter what.

Kinda Sorta On The Mend

As exciting as the evil robot voice posts were, I'm feeling considerably better today. My voice is still a little scratchy but audible (major improvement), so I think I'll be good to go at work tomorrow. The cough, however (which was only an issue in the last few days after a good laugh and has since gotten worse), makes me wonder just how much my body hates me right now. You know how your neck strains when you make the angry face and clench your teeth at people? Well, all the coughing has made it so I have no choice but to be a smiley, happy girl or suffer the neck pain. No angry face for me, which is fine because I'm in a good mood. I can actually hear out of both ears for the first time in four days! I'll be able to sing again by Friday! Woo hoo! It's amazing how much we take the normal functions of our bodies for granted only to be reminded of their value when we're temporarily without them.

Ok, Maybe A Little Funny.

This Isn't Funny.

Look Ma, No Hands!

Demons Be Gone!

I am officially sick. Lost the majority of my voice, tore up my throat from coughing, hard to breathe through my nose sick. Obviously, I did not go into work today. A big chunk of my time at work is spent answering the phone and, frankly, I sound like shit. Not good. Unfortunately, this means that all the plans I made for today and tomorrow aren't going to happen and that about makes me want to cry.

The Sad But True Tale Of The Unwell Girl

All day yesterday, I felt ill. Too warm, swollen glands, achy joints, sore throat, pounding head...everything was wrong. It hit me like a cement truck not long after I woke up and got progressively worse as the day went on. By the time I got home, all I could do was crawl into bed and groan. I fell asleep and woke up 4 hours later, around 10:30p. I decided I should eat something and went to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. The entire time I was standing there at the counter, I felt light-headed and a little sick. Everything was much better when I got back in bed and I went to sleep again at 11:30p. Slept straight through until the alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. My throat is still a little sore, but way better than yesterday. What the crap?

Photos And Donuts And Dante's, Oh My!

Had such a good time taking random, goofy pictures this past weekend. I want a digi cam, dammit! I'd take it with me everywhere and I'm sure people would eventually get sick of me snapping photos all over the place, but I just don't care. I'd forgotten how happy taking pictures makes me. The only thing is that I'm really not a fan of having my picture taken (unless I'm the one taking it...then it's just funny). I'm trying to get over that, though.

Also, I was very disappointed that I didn't get my bacon maple bar on Friday or Saturday. I decided that I need to start carrying bacon in my bag in case they're out at Voodoo. The donut people agreed.

The other thing I'd forgotten is what an adrenaline rush singing at Dante's is. I hadn't been since December and I always had a blast when I used to go with Darryl, but I somehow felt that I shouldn't go anymore after things went sour. Anyway, last night just made me smile. It felt good to be up there with those guys again and I'm going to have to start going again. Not every Monday, but more often than once in 5 months.

Don't ask, it's art. 

It was a rockstar moment. 'Nuff said. 

Ow.

My shoulder is starting to bug me. I started to notice an achy twinge under my right shoulder blade just about the time I started playing pool on a more regular basis. It feels....crunchy...like cartilage is missing or really thin and grindy. Not good. Somebody hug me, but be gentle.

Yay, I Won!

I'm liking this pool league thing. I'm really not a competitive person, so I'm kinda surprised. I'm also surprised when I win. So far, almost everyone has been really nice that we've played against, except the girl I played last night who didn't seem too thrilled with me when I tried to be jokey and friendly. Ah well. I'm just in it to have fun and the last two weeks I have, so it's all good. We're playing at home again next week, which I like because I'm comfortable there but is kinda bad because it's really easy to get distracted after 9 when the regular crowd shows up and the karaoke starts. As usual, I ended up keeping score (it's been this way since 8th grade...get the nerdy kid to be the scorekeeper) and by 10 last night, I was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand and not getting sucked into the goth-themed birthday festivities for Kris.

A little pool, a little black makeup, a few drinks and my night is golden.

Just Hangin' Around

I'm staying in again tonight and probably watching a movie. I'd like company, but I'm not holding my breath.

Piscean Dreams

I was in a big swimming pool, floating on my back for a few minutes and then treading water near the edge at one end. At the other end, he was sitting on the edge with his feet in the water but when I motioned for him to come in, he just shook his head and tapped his ear. So I started swimming across the pool to say...I'm not sure what...but the pool kept getting bigger and the longer I swam, the further away he was. I realized I was dreaming and turned to backstroke away from him. When my hand touched the wall behind me, he was sitting on the edge next to me. But in the time it had taken me to swim back to the wall, he'd become a little boy, about 7 or 8, and he was crying. He told me he'd wanted to play in the pool with the other kids but wasn't allowed to get his ears wet (tubes in his ears?) so he'd been squirting a hose in the air at his friends. They'd gotten mad and pushed him in, but he couldn't swim and almost drowned. He said he was crying because he was worried he'd be in trouble with his parents. I told him it would be ok and that I'd talk to them for him if he wanted and just as I was getting out of the pool, I woke up.

If You Only Knew What I Wanted To Do...

It's the kind of day I love - overcast, rainy, grey - and it's payday. You should take me on a date tonight and kiss me like you mean it. That would make this day better than expected.

Karaoke Girl Joins Pool Team, Regulars Shocked

"You're joining a pool team?" Apparently I am. I had fun last night, won my first match (go me!) and learned how to keep score. I was actually nervous when I started out but relaxed a bit by the middle and felt comfortable by the end. Good stuff.

Heading down to the Ash Street Saloon tonight to catch the Famous Mysterious Actor Late Night Talk Show (comedy thing). Some friends are going to be the guests, so that should be fun. Come say hi, if you're feeling so inclined...

Boredom And My Fat Ass

I get one hour for lunch everyday. For about 1/2 of that time, I'm bored out of my mind. I don't really need a whole hour to eat, if I eat, and I'm constantly lamenting the supposed lack time I have to exercise. Well, it was decided today that the 1/2 hour I can't seem to fill with anything productive will from now on be filled by time with my co-workers in the gym. September is right around the corner and I wanted to lose about 20 lbs before my trip anyway. I just came back from the first day over there and I'd forgotten how much I like walking and how good I feel when I'm done. Good and sweaty. Guh.

The Thing About Mondays Is...

I always feel like my weekend wasn't long enough. No matter how long it actually was...two days, four days... I'm not as productive on the weekends as I think I somehow should be, so that's problem number one. Problem number two is that I wish I were independently wealthy so I wouldn't have to get up Monday morning and go to work. I don't see that happening in my near future. Problem number three is that 90% of the time, I have a great time on my days off and just an ok time on the days I have to work... Don't get me wrong, I like my job well enough. I'm just not passionate about it. I get up, I go to work, I do my job, I go home and I don't really think about it again until the next day. It keeps me from living in a box down by the river and occasionally I have a really great day. The rest of the days just blur together (thank you, corporate life).

...I know why I'm discontent....and it's not work. Friday night, I met a really nice guy and, because I'm a dumbass, I didn't trade numbers or anything with him. I rarely meet really nice guys. I'm gonna have to put a "kick me" sign on my own back today.