Give Me 5 Minutes And I'll Probably Change My Mind

I'm tired of meeting new people. Truly. I meet new people all day long and it's draining. I never though I'd say that, but today, right this minute, I want to be done meeting people. I know I'm not and never will be done but if some psychic could tell me how many more people I have to meet before I die, I could at least have that to look forward to. I hope that the next person I meet will be interesting or funny or....something worth paying attention to but, more often than not, that's not the case. I've decided hopefulness is a burden, a weight that I carry around by choice of course, but a weight nonetheless. And I'm pretty tired of carrying it because it makes the sting of disappointment that much more real. This is not to say that people in and of themselves are disappointing - on the contrary, people are interesting creatures and entertaining to watch. The disappointment is purely subjective and stems from a kind of hope that can at times be blinding. I really need to work on not caring.

What Am I Thinking?

I'll probably be a zombie girl in the morning, but I'm going to Lola's Room tonight to see the Pernice Brothers. Show starts at 10pm. But I've got to do a load of laundry or two, clean the bathroom and vacuum the living room before I go. That way it'll be like a break from doing chores. Look at me, I'm trying to rationalize going out on a Tuesday night.....what the crap? I'll go out whether or not the chores are done and damn the consequences! What the hell kind of rock star party girl am I? Jeez. Ok, wait. If I don't at least do one load of laundry tonight, I won't have any clean socks to wear tomorrow. And that is bad. And I at least have to clean out the cat box and sweep up the bathroom floor. Crap, there are dishes in the sink that need to go in the dishwasher. But that's it! If everything else doesn't get done tonight, I'm going out anyway, dammit......

Things That Are Cool

A salad with tuna, mozzarella, mayo and lemon juice chased with a beer....actually, anything chased with a beer (currently drinking Pete's Wicked Summer Brew).

The cargo skirt and sleeveless shirts I got over the weekend.

A compilation cd called Dreamworld: Essential Late Night Listening which includes tracks by Tricky, Massive Attack, Luna, Morcheeba, Cocteau Twins, Moby, Dead Can Dance and Gavin Friday.

Dahlia's new cd Vases (with special kudos to track 14, "Movin' On" which is my new theme song).

Cirque du Soleil coming to Portland again (and free tickets for me).

The movie Four Rooms, which I watched last night and hadn't seen in a long time...still damn cool.

The fan going 24/7 in my room.

Bellydancing breakbeats by DJ Necmi Oojami.

My new hair color...scarlet red streaks, baby! Yeah!

Koji...he was cool before, but he's extra cool now because he's coming to visit this weekend...however, since he's not a thing, he really shouldn't have made the list, but I'm making an exception, so there.

Cockfight

For my money, there's nothing better than a good old fashioned hipster ho-down. But I'll get to that in a minute. I called Amy and Jason yesterday to see what was what and ended up going over to their place in north Portland, playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for a bit with Jason and then we (Amy, Jason, Neal, Marcie and me) went out for Vietnamese at this place over on Mississippi that rocked all of our taste buds. I was already ready to go out for the evening but we had to go back to Amy and Jason's so they could change. We weren't sure if there would be ass shaking later at Lola's so they wanted to be prepared. And now on to the ho-down portion of the program...

We decided to go to Nocturnal's artsy shindig they called the Cockfight and when we got there, the upstairs had bales of hay, rooster-based art around the room and two people, one of whom appeared to be a cross-dresser, getting ready to play acoustic guitars and sing a few countrified ditties about how lonely they were now that you and the dog are gone. There was hardly anyone up there but there were cars aplenty outside, so we headed downstairs to get a drink and see if that's where the action was. To our dismay, we were inappropriately dressed for the occasion...we'd forgotten our cowboy hats, boots, lassos and hipster accessories. Hanging our heads in shame, we shuffled to the table in the back and took in the scene. Marcie had managed to snag enough uncolored rooster sheets for the lot of us and we proceeded to doll them up with the colored pencils and crayons Amy brought. They did a cakewalk upstairs while we colored, but we were having too much fun checking out the hipster cowpokes and eating chocolate dipped apples to participate. The actual cockfight was the rooster coloring contest and I was in the company of two of Portland's finest artistes, so while my oh-so-gay looking boxer of a rooster was a fine display of artistic interpretation of the theme, it was no match for Amy’s anarchy cock and Neal’s Super Cock. Amy’s rooster went on to win a runner-up ribbon and the rest of us left with a tear in our collective eye over the memory of you and the dog and our second rate cocks...

And now on to today… It’s just after 1pm and me and my new red streaked hairdo are going down to the Saturday Market to wander for a few and then it’s grocery shopping and movie time. I bought O Brother, Where Art Thou the other day and now that I have a real hipster ho-down under my belt, I’m in the mood for some Soggy Bottom Boys twang and George Clooney’s greased up ‘do.

That's Some Good Shit

Successfully shopped for the better part of the day, watched fireworks from the balcony of a 23rd floor penthouse two blocks from the waterfront, saw Storm and The Balls for the first time, saw Dahlia for the I don't know how many-th time and got their new cd, and grabbed a slice of pizza from Dante's on my way back to the car to come home. Yes indeedy, that's some damn good shit. I only wish there'd been someone to share it all with.... a day that good deserves to be shared.

Recap

Last night, only two of us went out but we had a great time at Wallbangers. Since the middle section of the bar has a bunch tables pushed together, it's easy to meet people just by socializing with the folks who end up sharing the table with you or are sitting at the tables next to you. I expected it to be crowded since most of the world has the day off today, but the majority of the small groups out were bachelor/bachelorette parties and birthday celebrators who seemed to keep to themselves. A random group of four (a fifth showed up later) sat with us for about two hours and one of the guys could have been Tobey Maguire's stunt double. Another group of three was at the table next to ours and Sally got to talking to them because she caught an accent and couldn't help herself...turns out they're all from New Zealand. Strangely, one of them asked us if we knew where that was. I guess they must think world geography isn't common knowledge here in P-town. Anyhoo, after holding back a dig about Kiwis liking the sheep a little more than they should, I was ready to go and Sally suggested we go see if anything was going on at Stephano's. We did a drive-by but it was so dead, we didn't even go in and decided to head over to Canita for something to eat but it was closed. She's been morally opposed to the 24-hour Hotcake House since that time we got kicked out, so I dropped her off at her car and we both went home.

Today is a blank canvas, so I'm about ready to get up and out and see what happens.

Dueling Piano Madness

Tomorrow night, all the girls from the office are going out to Wallbangers (formerly Boogie Woogies) to fire it up and sing along with the piano dudes. Since we're all off on Friday, it's one of the few times we can all go out without someone having to leave early or not go because they have to get up the next morning. I know I was just out karaokeing and rocking out until 5:30 in the morning last weekend but I feel like, if I don't get out, this funk I've been in will consume me. I can't keep functioning like this so I need to let off some steam and start fresh on Monday with a clear head... wanna come out with us? I need all the partying help I can get, so come on down.

Just Say It

For about the last three weeks, I've been walking around annoyed on some level. And unlike my normal self, I haven't said anything about what's bothering me. I hate feeling like this. If it were just one thing or person, it would be easy enough to just address the issue and be done with it. But for each thing I can isolate and point out what's rubbing me the wrong way there are four or five more that are still waiting to be dealt with and it's making me crazy and teary-eyed. I was telling Jen at work the other day that I figured out what the root of most all tears is: helplessness. When things start to pile up like they have lately, it begins to feel like there's nothing I can do to change any of it and it's overwhelming. I know that my attitude has been shitty lately and the things that I usually let roll off my back have started getting to me so, in effect, I'm making it worse and I need to snap out of it. But it's frickin' hard to be that shiny happy person people expect me to be all the time. It sucks to be the one person to whom everyone vents their shit and not have a face-to-face human outlet for my own. I hate that when someone I know is going through messed up shit, I feel shitty with them. You know why I'm so easy to talk to? I give a damn. And I hate that I can't turn that off.

I need a hug.

Can You See Me Now?

I've been thinking about my power of invisibility again. Sometimes I have control over it and blend into the woodwork by choice but, more often than not, I go invisible and I don't even know I'm doing it until I want to be seen and no matter what I do, I just don't register on the radar. Even worse is when I do register but the radar is set to pity. I used to think it had something to do with me lacking substance, but now I'm leaning toward the theory that people are just self-centered and easily distracted. If that’s not the problem, then maybe I’m far less cool than I like to pretend I am.

The truth is people see what they choose to see. No more and no less. How I present myself is only a small part of who I am as a whole however, unless you care about me enough to see into me and dig through to the parts that I hide, you're not really seeing me at all. I get the impression that seeing is easier for some people than for others and for those folks who have it easy, it’s hard not to see. Sort of a double-edged sword if you can’t turn it off… but I prefer seeing and dealing with the ups and downs of being an empathetic creature to walking around blinded to the cool people right in front of me by distractions. So, this is the point where I wish for a distraction from the cool people because dammit, they see right through me… so maybe they aren’t as cool as they pretend to be.

Listening to: Flaming Lips "Do You Realize?"

First Things First And Then Some Other Stuff

I've finally succumbed to the lure of the fotolog so if you feel like seeing what I've seen, go ahead and click on the link to the right. I can't promise the pics will be any good since I'm still learning the ins and outs of my roommate's digicam, but I'll try to keep it regularly updated. I remember a rant from Koji about only being able to upload one photo a day and how that sucked and I agree. 'Nuff said.

So, last night I went to Mt. Tabor Pub to support Sophe Lux and King of Spain... I took the camera and got some ok shots of the action, some of which I'm sure will turn up in the fotolog in the next few days. Mt. Tabor has a reputation for being sort of a hippie/reggae venue, so the rock shows there have a hard time drawing a crowd. Last night was not an exception. Sadly, the people missed out because both bands sounded great. The Sophe Lux kids seem to have settled into their skins on stage and I don't know if it was the sound system (which is one of the better ones in town) or just having had practice during the last few weeks playing shows, but the performance was solid and they finally all seemed pleased with their set. King of Spain was next and they've changed a bit since I saw them last. I had to take off about half way through King of Spain's set to head over to Dante's for Dr. Theopolis but, from what I caught, it looks like Frank has taken over vocals almost exclusively and Ben has picked up the slack to compensate for the missing rhythm guitar that Frank used to fill. Also, and I never really noticed this before, Frank looks like a younger Viggo Mortensen if you squint your eyes a little. But I digress. It was good stuff and I was glad I caught up with Sean the bass player later to tell him I dug it. So, I headed off to see the Dr. Theopolis show and got there right on time. The boys started about five minutes after I showed up, which was just enough time to get a beer and stake out a spot near the front. The rest of the party people who had packed Dante's were in for a treat as it was Mr. Fabulous's lead vocals debut on a new song called "Danger Hump." That, my friends, was some funny shit. Dr. T never fails to deliver a kickass show and as I found out at the after-hours party back at the guys' house, they just booked some shows for July (including an invite-only Absolute Vodka party on the roof of Billy Reed's July 20th...woo!) so if you missed last night's funkfest, you'll have another chance to get out and shake dat ass real soon... fo' sho'.

In other news, I still haven't gotten my damn french toast fix. This is getting ridiculous.

One Day I Will Learn

One day I will learn not to sing George Michael songs at karaoke.
One day I will learn not to drink whisky and vodka in the same night (stick to one thing, damn you, you know better! Or switch over to beer at the very least...jeez).
One day I will learn not to say I don't care when I really do.

I Hate That Girl

I used to write silly little songs and this is one of them called The Girl Next To You:

my best dress and
a big black coat
my favorite shoes and
some sweet perfume

watching you from across the room
i thought you noticed me
and then you turned to the girl next to you
and you kissed her

new hair'do and
a silver clip
satin purse and
my favorite lipstick

trying hard not to stare at you
i thought you noticed me
and then you turned to the girl next to you
and you kissed her

and I hate that girl

I'll Be Kicking My Own Ass Tomorrow

Just got home from the White Eagle and seeing Guy and Jenni play solo sets just before Sophe Lux did their thing. Jenni has a voice like an angel...I'm gonna be screwed come karaoke night if I have to keep up with her. Guy's lyrics were so honest and his guitar playing was right on so, nervous vocals aside, his solo set was sweet. And Sophe Lux sounded better tonight than they have at the previous two shows I've been to, mostly because I could actually hear the guitar tonight and Guy rocked it (and he didn't even break any strings! Woo!). I love the slower songs that highlight how well Jenni and Wendy harmonize and those pretty sounds Guy makes with his guitars, but when they pick up the pace, it sounded much better tonight being able to hear the two separate guitars and not having Guy's get drowned out by Wendy's. All in all, the music was great and I'm glad I went to hang out with Guy too. I always enjoy my time with him.

Tomorrow, or later today rather, I'm not going to be a happy camper unless I go to bed right this minute, so I'm off...

Mah Sistah

Brandy was on her way home to Eugene from Vancouver, BC today and called first thing in the morning to see if I wanted to have lunch with her. Of course I said yes and she showed up at the office at 1pm. Perfect timing. With only an hour to hang out, we picked up food and sat near the Lovejoy Fountain to eat and chat. I noticed a few things right away:

1. Damn, that girl is tan.
2. She must have gotten highlights recently.
3. Either she's gotten taller or I'm shrinking in my old age.
4. Damn, that girl is tan.

Anyhoo, it was the same ol' same ol'...nothing's changed. Same easy conversation, same comfortable silences, same goofy laugh. She may or may not come back up to stay the night and hang out this weekend. I hope she does, but I'll understand if she decides not to come. She goes back to Florida a week from Thursday so the next time I see her could potentially be Christmas. I'm used to the gaps between visits now, but I still don't like that we can't hang out whenever we want. I miss my shopping and sushi partner...

And The Cheese Stands Alone...

For the next three weeks, I'm home alone. Crazyness. This will be the longest I've been by myself since I moved here and it's weird. I lived alone for just over three years before I moved here and never thought anything of it. I think I've just gotten used to someone being around all the time. I know I'll have to get used to living by myself again when I move later this year (unless something happens where Jen decides to stay in P-town and we find a place together) and I don't like the idea that I'll have to get used to it. I'm so adamant about being independent that I thought I'd hate having a roommate, but it's just the opposite. Hanging out with Shauna is always cool and I like knowing that even if I don't want to go out and do something, I don't have to sit at home by myself. Maybe that's what's driving me to keep dating: the idea that if I find someone cool, I won't have to sit at home alone if I don't want to...

I've started thinking about where I want to move to since I'll have to start looking in a couple months and I'm pretty well set on staying in SE. I gave NW some thought, but I'm just not trendy enough for the NW crowd and most of my friends are here in SE anyway. SE is laid-back and artsy and emo-rock and pseudo hipster and homey to me. Yeah, I'll still have to spend 20ish minutes on the bus to work in the morning, but I'm used to that so it won't be yet another thing I'll have to change. I want to be closer to Hawthorne and a grocery store (lugging bags of groceries home on the bus sucks camel balls) and Bishop's and all that happy crappy. So, the search will soon be on. There better be a cool place for me over there or I'll have to complain to someone and that someone will probably be you.

Hello Glasses, Goodbye Social Life

Now that I can actually read for more than 1/2 hour without getting a headache or falling asleep, I decided it might be ok to go back to Powell's and ease my way back into the books. Oh how wrong I was. $57 and four books later, I'm sucked in again. I got a travel guide on Ireland, The Roald Dahl Omnibus, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire, and A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again: essays and arguments by David Foster Wallace (the Infinite Jest guy). That should get me through to the end of the week when I have shows to go to that will get me out of the house. Damn you, Powell's Books. I'm supposed to be saving my money for when I move later this year into a place of my own again, I think. But if people don't hear from me for a few days, someone needs to call me and make sure I get out of the house for something social other than work because I could turn back into a book addict and lose touch with reality like that *insert fingers snapping here*.

Also, since I was over there anyway, I went to Noah's and got a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. Damn those bagels are good.

Aw Man!

Last minute change of plans for my Saturday. Got called into work to cover for Jen, who called in sick. That means overtime for me, but shopping and sushi are out. Serious bummer, dude. Now I'm in the mood to go out and fire it up....so who's up for drinks after work? I'm off at 5...

So Damn Funny, I'm Posting It Twice

This seriously never gets old for me. Never. It doesn't matter if I'm already in a good mood or if I'm royally pissed off. When I see this, everything is better. And then I do the happy dance. If you'd like to see the happy dance, you must come visit. 'Cause I'll do it. I will. For reals.

I got to talk to Josh last night. I love that guy, but don't tell him, 'cause it's a secret. I asked for a bedtime story, as is now the norm when I actually get to talk to him on the phone (the calls are few and far between anymore since he works weird hours and our schedules sort of clash and the time difference between here and Toronto). He told me a story about a guy who met this girl in NYC and how he became entangled in her evil web of evil (yes, it's so evil you have to say it twice) and how everything bad that happened to him from then on was blamed on the evil. After a great story like that, I slept like a baby.

Tomorrow evening is going to be a sushi and shopping extravaganza with Jen from work. If I overdose on rice and shoes, don't worry...I'll have died happy.

Letters Unsent

Hey you, it's me. Just wanted to see what you've been up to and how you've been. I know spending time alone because you want to is great, but spending time alone when you don't want to isn't so much fun... The weekend starts tomorrow and I have no plans. Not one. Which means the possibilities are endless. So, maybe, if you aren't busy, we could go catch a movie. Or we could hang out at a local dive, drink like fish and laugh ourselves silly. Or we could go out to the beach, wander around on the dunes and take goofy pictures.... I miss the beach. And I kinda miss you too, but not in a sad achy gone forever sort of way, but a good way. I miss you in a way that reminds me how much I enjoy your company. I wish there were more hours in the week so I could spend some of them with you, but there aren't and I know you're busy. So, yeah. Let me know if you happen to have nothing to do this weekend, or any weekend, and then we can do nothing together. I hope this finds you well and happy...

Love and such,

~Me

Rewind

I don't want to change anything, but I'd like to jump in a time machine and go back about three weeks and live that week over again. Then I'd like to go back to the end of March and live that week over again. Then I'd go a bit further back than that to a week here and there during last year I'd like to relive. If I had to go back further than that, it'd be a jump back to the first week of summer between my junior and senior year of college. Each of those weeks was filled with the kind of potential that feels like walking in clouds and while I remember what that feels like, memories are tainted and dampered by time. I want to feel that way today, right this minute.

I wrote this once upon a time and it reminded me why I always end up feeling like I have the last few days. It's because I'm a good girl and everyone's frickin' friend. Damn I'm tired of being that girl.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I've decided this is my new theme song and I'm gonna start practicing it in the shower to sing at karaoke. Generally, this is what happens when no one's paying attention to me. I get a new theme song to entertain myself. Lately, it's been worse at night when I'm reminded that I'm sleeping alone...again. But whenever I'm feeling like this, I think it's probably best to go. I'll leave you with the words to a Stereo Crush song called "Break In Two":

i said please leave my heart
the way you found it
there's only so far i can let you in
but colors in your eyes
i open up through your eyes to you
baby lie silent in my arms
words don't seem to mean anything new
but in you i find trust
i'm breaking down
breaking down right in front of you
and after awhile
awhile without you
oh you know this all would break in two
and after awhile
away from you
without you all would soon just blow in two
kisses only mean what they are given
they didn't seem to mean anything new
but sweetest from your mouth
now i will never doubt another kiss from you
she said love is just a word
a lyrical word sung by the birds
when i thought i knew how the song would go
she taught me words that i didn't know

Sleeping ‘Til Noon Is Good

After three nights out in row, Sunday was pleasantly slow. I spent the day in pajamas, only leaving my room to do all of my laundry or visit the kitchen or the bathroom, and tried to get my cd burner to work (unsuccessfully). I’m a fairly techno-savvy chick but I’m also instructions-oriented, which means if I don’t have a manual to read and I have to wing it, I get pissy. And if I have to install and uninstall and reinstall software more than once, I get even more pissy. Which is partly why I stayed in my room. I try not to subject anyone, especially my roommate, to the "laser-beams-of-hate-shooting-out-of-my-eyes-at-who-or-whatever-happens-to-cross-my-path" version of me. It’s just not pretty. So, after all that I’m in a great mood today, work flew by, I got tons of stuff done and I’m feeling well-rested. Shauna has started the Atkins diet and I’m not sure if smelling her bacon and eggs all the time has anything to do with this, but today I had an egg and cheese biscuit from McDonald’s to start the day (that’s the breakfast of champions, by the way), a grilled chicken caesar salad for lunch and another salad for dinner with salmon, cheese, dill weed and mayo in it. That’s three meals in one day that included meat of some kind. Bizarro. But I haven’t been hungry or snacked in between meals and I’m not tired right now like I usually am at this time of the evening. So why do I feel good right now? I’m putting my money on sleeping until noon yesterday and McDonald’s.

Another Band To Love

On any given night you can find a good show to rock out at because Portland has so many great local bands. And I’m not just saying that because I know people in a bunch of them. Having friends in bands comes with two bonuses: 1. If you want to hang out with people you haven’t seen in awhile, you’ll likely find them at a mutual friend’s show. 2. You get exposed to all the bands that play with your friends’ bands. At last night’s show, I knew three of the four acts in the line up (two of which – Jonah and Odds Against Tomorrow – I already love and the other I hadn’t heard before and don’t care if I hear again because I wasn’t impressed) and didn’t know anything about the fourth and last band of the night, a four piece called Stereo Crush. Before they started, Shauna and I agreed we’d stay for a couple songs and if we weren’t into it, we’d bail. And then they played. And I love them. The vocals got me right away - smooth tone and sweet lyrics - and his guitar playing was just how I like it – nothing over the top or scene stealing. The drumming/bass playing was tight and had me nodding along throughout the set. I’m a sucker for keyboards/synths so, while watching the guy playing them wasn’t a highlight, I dug what he was adding to the overall sound. Plus, they covered one of my favorite early 90’s songs, INXS’ “Never Tear Us Apart,” and nailed it while the whole room sang along. Needless to say, I bought the five track cd and it’s on repeat right this second. Good times.

In other news, it’s Father’s Day and my dad is in California, probably checking my mother and himself into the hotel they’re staying at in San Francisco right now. I called and left a message for him at the front desk so he’d get it when he checked in and I’ll have to call him later since I won’t see him until the end of the month when they get back. Anyway, Happy Father’s Day Dad! Hope you’re having a great time in California!

Tonight, Tonight

Because I just can't get enough music in two nights out, I'm heading out again tonight for more rock at Ash St. Saloon. Odds Against Tomorrow and Jonah are playing, so even if the other two sets suck, I'll go home happy. If you want to find me, I'll be the one with the pint of amber sitting in a booth trying to look like one of the cool kids.

Speaking of cool, this guy I know, Ezra Holbrook, wrote a song called "Plain Jane" I rediscovered while going back through cds I haven't listened to in ages. Sympathy For Toys And Puppets is a kick ass album and the lyrics have always torn at my heart. Here's "Plain Jane":

i must be the only see through person in the world
people pass right through me like a ghost
i must be the only lonely person on this earth
something about my face that no one wants to know

i don't want to take your time
i don't want a scene to start
i just want to change your mind
i just want a change of heart

i know what they call me
i know what they're saying
i know what they call me
plain jane

i must be the only flower left here on the wall
while all the supermodels pass me by
i must be the victim of some tragic sort of joke
stood up before i got the chance to ask you if you'd go

like some monster movie science gone awry
i've become invisible to the human eye
someone tell me where's my consolation prize
someone tell me where's my bride of frankenstein

Play This

The following track list is courtesy of Greg over at Scam City. Muchas gracias, dude.

The Coral - "Dreaming of You"
Flaming Lips - "Do You Realize?"
Tim Booth/Angelo Badalamenti - "I Believe"
Dirty Vegas - "Days Go By" (acoustic)
David Gray - "The Other Side"
Ryan Adams - "Wonderwall" (live)*
Neil Finn - "There is a Light..."
Doves - "Pounding"
Idlewild - "You Held The World In Your Arms"
The Thrills - "One Horse Town"
Norah Jones - "I Don't Know Why" (live)
The La's - "There She Goes"
Mercury Rev - "Goddess On A Highway"
Electric Six - "Gay Bar"
P.O.D. - "Boom"
Nightmares on Wax - "Finer"
Jason Long - "Beans And Cornbread"
David Holmes -"69 Police"
Aphex Twin - "Windowlicker"
From Autumn To Ashes - "Short Stories With Tragic Endings"

*Just a side note: Ryan Adams rules. Best damn cover of that song ever.

So, I just got home a little bit ago from a "let's just meet up and wing it" night with Jen from work and Amy and Jason from college. Jen came over and we met up with Amy and Jason in the bar at the Tonic after Jen and I had gotten our night started with drinks. I was in a cosmo mood and the Tonic makes the best ones I've had in town. She and I were hungry and Amy and Jason jumped at the mention of karaoke, so we headed off to Chopsticks for singing along with bad renditions of Bon Jovi and Poison songs and Chinese food. Jen had to bail early since she works in the morning, but I was glad she came out for a bit. The highlight of the night for me, though, was when Nathan (see the last post re: Chopsticks KJ) sang "Black Betty." That song kicks ass anyway and he frickin' rocked it. Amy and I flipped through the song menu after Jen left and just when I finally decided to give Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" a shot, some chick went up and slaughtered it. D'oh. That'll teach me to waffle over songs for too long. We were all tired and decided that was a good time to head home. Ahhh, bed. Sleep is good.

Out On A Weeknight? Moi?

After a last minute pros vs. cons debate with myself last night (Pros: you have a car at your disposal, the show is an early one, you get to gang out with people you like, you get to see a band you for sure like and maybe hear new ones you'll like too, you won't be hanging out at home by yourself - Cons: you have to get up early, you may be tired and grumpy at first tomorrow), the pros were obviously ahead so I went to the Green Room and caught Sophe Lux's set. There weren't very many people there, but the ones who were had a loud voice and seemed to make the room feel fuller than it was. I'm thinking that must have made it cooler for the band, but who knows. It was a totally different vibe from the last time I saw them (except for the guitar string breakage which was about the same), maybe because the venue was smaller and more intimate or maybe because they had the volume turned down, but I liked the set just as well for different reasons. I got to meet the fourth member of the band last night and aside from my appreciation for their music, I enjoyed the conversation with all four as well.

I stayed for the second band, The Garden Gnomes, and really liked them too. They had a Rufus Wainright/Beatles/surf guitar thing going on and I dug it. About two minutes into their set, Jenn and I were both feeling like we recognized the singer/guitar player, but couldn't figure out from where and it turns out he's the KJ at Chopsticks over on Burnside. Ah ha. I knew he looked familiar. I haven't been to karaoke in way too long, but I've been informed that The Boiler Room on Wednesday nights is the place to be and a date's been made to go sing our little hearts out in three weeks. Sweetness. Fo' sheezy.

Tonight? I got nothin'. So give me a reason to go out. Something to do. I'm up for almost anything....almost. Don't get any weird ideas. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. Don't make me come over there...

Talking In My Sleep

I talked to my grandparents for awhile last night. I told them what I've been up to lately, how work is going, who I've been seeing and what's been on my mind since I talked to them last. My granny wanted to know all about my job and the residents I like and asked why I haven't been drawing anything lately. My gramps told me that any guy who didn't want to date me must have his head up his ass and said to tell my boss he said to give me a raise. When I was leaving, granny stood at the window and waved until she couldn't see me anymore and gramps told me to tap it light. Then I woke up a little teary-eyed like I always do after those dreams. They've both been gone for four years but I still talk to them all the time. I didn't go down to San Francisco after either of them left, but they know why and they understand. I read about someone today who's moved into their neighborhood recently and when I talk to them again, I'll tell them to go visit and take her some cookies. I don't know her, but I'm sure she'll like them. Everyone does.

Mmmm....Bacon...

It's started. The terrible craving for breakfast food has reared it's ugly head again. Right now, it's manageable. I can pretend I'm not thinking about going to Elmer's or Cup and Saucer or the 24 Hour Hotcake House. But by next weekend, it's not going to be pretty. And for some reason, the stuff I make at home doesn't quite cut it. The evil breakfast craving beast won't be satisfied with mere cereal or frozen waffles. Oh no, that would be too easy. It must have bacon. And scrambled eggs. And french toast. And maybe some hash browns. I suppose home fries would do. And real potato pancakes are good too. Ooo, or a bagel with cream cheese. And fresh squeezed orange juice. No wait, I just had a moment of clarity....dutch babies. Man oh man. With the lemon and the powdered sugar and the butter and the puffy goodness.... *drool* Ok, I gotta go eat.

The Worm Can Is Officially Open

Having spent the entire of my adult life alone, and by that I mean single, I’ve begun to wonder if that’s how it’s supposed to be for me. Sure, I go out on dates and give it the old college try, but between my old tendency to push people away and my track record of being pushed away, it’s becoming obvious that there’s something wrong (besides wearing my heart on my sleeve rather than in my chest like normal people). It’s strange to think that someone who’s such a pathetically hopeful romantic should be so bad at finding someone to love and be loved by in return, but such is the case. And as unromantic as it might sound, I’m not looking for love at first sight fireworks or thunder and lightning…in my experience, that initial jolt of wow hasn’t been followed up with any sort of depth or commonality. I’m looking for a best friend who, one day while I’m sitting across from him at some cheesy diner listening to a story about his camping trip with the guys or the show I missed while I was out of town, I’ll look up from my french toast at and think, “I love this guy. Whoa. I actually love this guy.” And that will be that. And if that’s not what’s waiting for me, then maybe I’m just kidding myself with the whole dating thing, but I won’t know if I don’t keep trying.

But wait there’s more. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more open to possibilities. I don’t want perfect. I want quirks and goofiness and learning experiences. But it’s rare that I meet someone I see potential in and want to make time for. When I do, I want get to know them and become friends first rather than jump into a relationship because that’s the “normal progression.” I don’t think it’s fair to say, “By the nth date, we should be at point x in the relationship timeline.” Dating and science are mutually exclusive as far as I’m concerned and everyone progresses at a different pace. If I enjoy someone’s company, I’m willing to see how far along the road our paths run parallel. And if I enjoy their company, making time for them isn't a burden or an effort...it's a pleasure.

Not that anyone asked to know any of this, but there it is anyway. Is it the right way to look at dating? Doubtful. Has it worked out for me so far? I'm still single, so evidently not the way I want it to...but I have some amazing friends because of it and if that's what I'm supposed to get out of my relationships, then I think I'm pretty lucky...

Finally

After all the procrastinating and being sick and other things going on, I finally got my eyes checked and got glasses. They have been dubbed "librarian chic." And I finally got to see Chris and Sean. And I finally saw Finding Nemo and Adaptation. And I finally got new shoes. And I finally…well, I’ll leave that one for later so I don’t jinx it.

I Need A Psychic Friend And Here Are Three Reasons Why

Since Blogger was down, I couldn’t post this last night, but here it is anyway:
1. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I wish I could read minds. Like right this minute.
2. After dinner at India Oven, where the company and the food were equally good, I boxed up my leftovers. I then proceeded to leave them at the restaurant like a jackass. Way to go.
3. I worry about things I can't do anything about and it's frustrating as hell. 'Nuff said.

I'm Off And You're Not. Ha.

Because they had me come in to work last Sunday, I have a three day weekend. Started things off last night at Berbati's Pan and saw the Charmparticles, half of whom I know from when they were in Drive. I hadn't seen Adam in forever and their set blew me away. Adam and Pam are so vocally tuned into each other that I can't imagine them not being in a band together. Also had the pleasure of 3/4 of Sophe Lux's (the band I went to see that played with Jonah last weekend) company at the show. Good times.

Since I'm off on a weekday when the eye docs are actually working, I might finally get to have my eyes checked today and get the glasses I've been putting off for almost a month now. Shopping, a pedicure and maybe hanging out with some guy I know are also on the agenda, so I'd better get moving....more later.

It Was Inevitable

Ok, I admitted to a minor American Idol obsession awhile back and now I must confess that Fame is sucking me in. I knew it would since it's not only singing but dancing too and Joey from Nsync is the co-host (he was my favorite Nsyncer before Justin went solo and got all sexy). Ok, wait. I can't believe I just typed that. Oh the shame....the SHAME! If you want to pretend you don't know me now, I don't blame you. After what I just wrote, I'd disown me too.

All Work And No Play Makes This A Dull Blog.

Today flew by at work. I mean flew. That's unusual but I think I was having such a good time with John, a leasing agent from a recently sold property who is helping us out today and tomorrow because we're short staffed in the office, that it hardly semed like work. Oh and there was that crying resident I had to calm down and talk through her possible eviction that took up a good chunk of time in the middle of the day. But that bit of drama was overshadowed by two things: 1. the mail...my dad sent me a photo scanner and it is too cool for school.... 2. the flowers I got from a new resident as a thank you for helping him with his move in issues. I can't tell you how many times during my work day I have to deal with ridiculous crap from people and I have to do it with a smile on my face. Stuff like the scanner and the flowers reminds me how lucky I am to even have a job and that someone somewhere cares about me. So today I'm feeling the love even though someone told my boss they thought I was rude to them on the phone on Friday...which I wasn't. So there.

Home Alone...Again

The roomie has gone home to Boise, Idaho for the week and I've got the place to myself again. That means it's movie marathon time. If you want to come over and watch with me, there's beer in the fridge that I can't drink anyway, the pizza can be on it's way in all of two minutes and there are so many movies out on DVD right now I haven't seen, I'll even let you pick. Now, how can you say no to that?

A Damn Good Time

Who went out with a cute boy, had a really good dinner at the Greek Cusina, wandered around the Rose Festival and finally saw the Matrix Reloaded? Yeah, that'd be me. Woo hoo!

Hitting Rock Bottom

After work yesterday, most of us decided to go have dinner and drinks at Rock Bottom Brewery. First, let me just say that being the one person at the table who truly deserved a drink after the heinousness I've had for the last few weeks but couldn't partake was about the suckiest thing ever. I knew that when everyone else ordered a raspberry fucker or an amaretto sour and I had to get plain old lemonade, I'd feel left out. Thank you, mono, you evil bastard thing. This is what I have to look forward to for the next several months. Yay me. On the positive side, the Cobb salad and key lime pie were outstanding and Thomas made his first appearance at an outside-of-work social event. That kid needs to get out more and I'm glad he's starting to feel more comfortable with telling his wife he's going to hang out with the folks from work once in awhile.

Anyway...um, so, I think I'm allergic to something. I've got hives. All over. And I itch like a mofo. The antibiotics I just finished on Wednesday have something like a 25% chance of causing an allergic reaction in people who are allergic to penicillin and other similar meds, so I'm wondering if that's what it is. Usually, though, if you're allergic to this stuff, you break out in hives or a rash after the fourth or fifth day of taking it. I already took it for 10 days and stopped two days ago but the rash started yesterday. It could just be part of the mono, too. I'm beginning to think this is some kind of conspiracy to keep me from having a social life and turn me into a hermit.

Finally, but certainly not least important, happy birthday to Greg over at Scam City. Hope you party like a rockstar tonight, dude...*doing the 'it's your birfday, gonna party' jig just for him*

It Finally Worked!

I fixed the list issue....new stuff to look at to the left, yo.

I'm tired and my spleen is still being a bastard but feeling good beyond that. I'm done with my cycle of antibiotics (thank gawd!) and I can breathe and swallow like normal. The aliens have gone back to their home planet and I look like my normal self again. Woo haw! I have to work this Sunday which means a 3-day weekend for me next week and the Rose Festival starts tonight. And I got a frickin' hilarious postcard from one Mr. Koji Li yesterday that so made my day. Good times...

First Things First

Can't get blogger to accept my list updates and it's pissing me the feck off. Bastard thing. Ok, done ranting.

I'm feeling enough better that I've already made plans for Saturday: haircut and a rock show. Woo!

And She's Spent

I went to work today and I do believe I'm on the mend. I can't believe how tiring it is to talk on the phone all day, but it was nice to see the residents I really like come in and ask why I'd been out last week. And the folks at work were happy to have me back even if I wasn't at 100%. I'm sure I'll be sleeping goooood tonight.

Sitting Around In My Underwear

This morning I made a deal with someone that I'd sit around in my underwear all day and do nothing for him if he'd go out and have a good time at a fundraiser for me. So here I sit, in my underwear and a t-shirt, about to order back issues of a comic I like and then watch a movie and vegitate. I slept on and off for most of the day so I'm comfortable in a job well done. I only hope he is living up to his side of the deal and having a good time because this sitting around doing nothing stuff has gotten old and I'd much rather be listening to Pink Martini right now than sitting in bed for the tenth day straight.

So Far So Good

I got up at 7:15, just like I'm going to have to tomorrow, and went straight in to take a shower and put on a professional face. After I got out of the shower, I had to sit down to do the hair and makeup thing because just taking a shower and washing my hair is tiring. I got everything I would normally get done by 10 'til 8 done by 8 o'clock, so I'm still a little slow, but if I pick out clothes tonight and remind myself not to get a latte in the morning (the milk makes me cough *pout* ), then I'll have plenty of time to catch the bus and get to work on time. I also have a little more of my appetite back this morning so I toasted some apple bread, poured a cup of applesauce, grabbed a banana (thanks mom and dad!) and settled back into bed since it's still early. This is my last full day of rest and I want to get the most out of it. Besides, I'm still coughing up alien embryos and that wears me out more than anything. The best advice I can ever give anyone is this: Do not get mono.

Learning Curve

So, yesterday I felt decent enough to eat a meal out, walk around in a video store for about ten minutes and ride around in the car for about an hour total. This was a significant improvement on the previous days when I felt decent enough to walk to the kitchen and bathroom and back to my room twice a day. I'm wondering if the improvement had anything to do with the fact that, knowing my parents were coming up to visit, I took a shower first thing in the morning and did something with myself (hair, makeup, changed out of pajamas). The reason I'm thinking this is because today I didn't do any of that stuff and I felt crappy again. I do believe tomorrow will be a science experiment day...and I hope my hypothesis is correct because I have to go back to work on Tuesday one way or another.

Sleeping To Dream

I actually ate a full meal for the first time in almost two weeks tonight. My folks took me to Elmer's, at my request, for breakfast for dinner. Scrambled eggs, bacon and french toast. That was easily three hours ago and I'm still full. I've been craving breakfast food for a few days and even dreamed of sitting in a diner and being served a big plate of french toast. Hopefully, when I dream tonight it will be about sleeping a solid night's sleep and reality will again follow suit with my dreamworld.

Under Pressure

-If I were hooked up to an IV drip I still don't think I could get hydrated enough.
-You know those suction ball doo-jobbies that doctors use to get all of the gunk out of a new baby's nose and throat? I wish I had one of those.
-All the Jello in the world can't make the pressure in my ears go away.
-If after I'm done being sick I never have to spit again, I can't begin to explain how happy I'll be.
-Why does your spleen only make it's presence known in a painful way?
-If someone could come in and remove my tonsils while I'm sleeping (ala the leg removal scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life), that would be greeeaaaat.
-My mom and dad are coming up tomorrow to spend some time with me and that's the only good thing I have to say about this being sick stuff.

Modern Medicine Rules!

Ok, I felt extra shitty this morning. Or maybe I'd just reached the breaking point with this whole being sick business. A girl can only take so much and keep her sense of humor about it for so long. All I know is that my throat was killing me, I was tired from not being able to sleep well because of it and I cried. I had called last night and then again his morning to the doctor I saw on Monday to have her write up a note and fax it to my boss excusing me from work until Tuesday. I knew I needed to have something more done about my tonsils and I wasn't liking the thought of having them drained if they were in fact abcessed. So I asked my roommate to take me to urgent care because I figured if they were going to have to do it, better to do it sooner than later and give myself a chance to feel better by Tuesday so I actually can go back to work. After two hours there, another negative strep test and two docs and a nurse attending to me, they gave me a steroid shot, two prescriptions (one for painkillers and one for an antiseptic mouth rinse/gargle) and sent me on my way. Oh. My. Gawd. Thank you, thank you, thank you! The steroid shot alone has made my throat feel sooooo much better. The painkillers make you drowsy, so I'm waiting until tonight to take one of those and the mouth rinse should be done after a meal since you can't eat or drink anything for an hour after you gargle. I also have to keep taking the antibiotics until they're gone (as planned) since the docs said they are likely the reason I don't have strep now. Ooh, and they said to eat applesauce, jello and popsicles! I love those urgent care guys!

I Can't Believe it's Over

*We interrupt this post for a special late breaking news update*

Tom Brokaw: We've just received word that the enemy troops are on the move...we now go live to our War On Mono correspondent, Nina Zero....Nina, what can you tell us about the current situation there?
Nina Zero: Tom, the current situation is not pretty. As you know, our troops have been instructed to use chemical warfare in the final effort to avoid having to go in with weapons of mass destruction. At this point, the enemy troops seem confused and scattered, many simply trying to flee the city of Sinuseus altogether. It's difficult to tell at this time if the escaping enemies are indicative of an overall breakdown in the Monoean regime but our troops will continue the scheduled chemical drops until all of the enemy troops are eradicated. I spoke with several of our soldiers earlier today and their spirits are up, their morale is high and it looks like they intend to bring this war to a speedy conclusion. This is Nina Zero, reporting live from Infection Central...back to you Tom.
Tom Brokaw: Thank you Nina for that encouraging update. We will continue to bring you the news as it happens and we now return you to your regularly scheduled post, already in progress.

*cut in*
and I was so stoked to see Buffy give the amulet to Spike and call him a champion. He's needed to hear for awhile now that all the efforts he's made to become a good person haven't been in vain. Spike's always been my favorite anyway. The whole thing where she tells him she loves him (that actually sounded sincere to me but whatever) and he says no she doesn't but it's nice to hear anyway about made me cry. Poor dude. And I thought it was pretty cool how they ended it without killing Buffy...not that they would have anyway, but still. Giving every girl in the world Buffy's power was a little bit of a stretch, but it was a good way to give Buffy a "normal" life. So, yeah, the series is over and it's a little bit of a bummer but it had to end. Now I have reruns to look forward to...woo!

And The Results Are In

Go me! I called it. The blood test came back positive for mono. The doc said to expect to be sick for the rest of my life. No just kidding. She said I'm going to be sick for the rest of this week and next. After that, I'll gradually get back into the swing of things but will likely feel fatigued for anywhere from 6 months to a year! Whoa. Now, according to WebMD (I love that site, btw), the average gestation period for mono is 4-6 weeks, which means I actually got it 5-7 weeks ago since I've been sick now for a little over a week. We all know how you get mono and if we do the math, it becomes clear who I got it from... that bastard. Ah well, it wasn't intentional and at least now I can never get it again (it's one of those one shot dealies like chicken pox).

Frickin' Hold

While I was on the phone wth my folks giving them the update, the doctor called and left a message saying she had my lab results and that she'd be there until 1:30p. I called her back (1:05p) and sat on hold for 20 minutes (1:25p) waiting for a receptionist to pick up and tell me that the doctor had left for the day. I asked if there was any way I could get my lab results and was told I needed to speak directly to the doctor and that she'd be back in tomorrow morning at 7:30a. Crap.

Waiting For The Call

I called in sick again after I found out they could get me in at the doctor's office this morning at 10:15am. After the preliminary exam, i.e. the poking and prodding portion of the program, she took a throat culture and it came back negative for strep. So, she decided to write me a prescription for cephalexin, which I have to take 4 times a day for the next 10 days, and sent me down the hall for a blood work up to test for mono. I should hear the results of that test later today (she said it's possible, but probable that I have a different virus with similar symptoms). She also wrote me a note for work saying I'm supposed to stay home until Thursday. If the cephalexin doesn't make the tonsils significantly better by then, she wants me to see an ENT specialist because there may be an abcess they'd need to drain. *flashback to when my sister had abcessed tonsils....guh....not pretty or fun for her.* So, I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that this stuff works. Also, my spleen hurts. More news later...

Goodbye SARS, Hello Mono.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor? It's ok, you can't get it from hanging out with me. Unfortunately, you won't be able to kiss me and I know that in my current ultra-sickly oh-so-sexy condition it'll be difficult to restrain yourself, but I'm afraid you'll have to keep your mouth to yourself. Oh and you won't be able to drink out of my glass or share my spoon in the ice cream, but we can get you your own drink and utensils. And you probably shoudn't touch me at all because there's a chance I could rupture my spleen and I don't want to risk it. What? The rash? Oh, it comes and goes but you can't get that either. Don't worry. In about two weeks, I won't be sick anymore. True, I'll still be tired a lot for about two to three months after that, but you like staying in and watching movies all the time right? C'mon, be my neighbor.... please?

Just When I Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse

Cramps. I've said it before and I'll say it again: My body hates me.

SARS Update

Last night I had a rash all over my hands, arms, legs and feet. I'm worried that I've developed an allergy to Henry's Hefeweizen. When I'm sick, a beer or two usually makes my throat feel better and I sleep like a baby. I only had about 1/2 a bottle last night before I started itching and noticed my hands were puffy and red. I went straight to the bathroom, took a shower and about an hour later it was mostly gone. I never went back for the beer because I knew I needed to take more of that flu medicine before I went to bed and mixing the beer and the medicine is bad. However, I'm beginning to wonder if the residual meds from the night before are what brought the rash on after the beer. All I know is this: I can't, repeat, CAN'T be allergic to beer. That is simply unacceptable. That's almost as bad as if I were allergic to bread. Or ice cream. Or air.

Anyhoo, I'm feeling a bit better today except for the cough and sore throat. I've been able to sleep pretty well the last two nights and I'm sure that's helped. Oh yeah, buying a new IKEA bathroom set on Ebay has helped too.

Alright, Maybe It *Is* The SARS

Is it normal for your tongue to be spotty and white gunk to be oozing out of your tonsils? No? Huh. Good thing I still have my sense of humor. I finally picked up Tylenol Flu, Listerine (yes, Mom, I really did) and a new bottle of Aleve, all of which I'm taking tonight. Oh yeah, and I got Chicken in a Biscuit 'cause those crackers are the shizznit and animal crackers 'cause I like those when I don't feel good. Don't laugh! I'm sick, dammit! You know what? Screw you! When my sheets are done in the dryer I'm takin my animal crackers and going to bed! =P

That's A First

I went into work today only to be told I should go home. Mind you, it was 1:30ish when I was told this by my boss. She had been in a meeting all morning and had only just returned a few minutes before she said I looked horrible and should go home. So much for being a trooper and making an effort to stick it out all day. It's probably for the best though. I need all the rest I can get. I've promised I'd help Chris and Sean move into their new place up here in P-town this coming weekend, so I need not only to be ready to help move, but also to help drink when the moving is done. I may be sick, but I've still got my eyes on the prize... . woohoooo *cough hack sniffle*...ahem.

Well, At Least I Don't Have SARS

I called in sick today. It's the first time in about two years. After waking up a few times last night in a cold sweat, I knew I wasn't going to subject anyone else to whatever this thing is. Plus, when I got up to take a hot shower to try clearing my head with the steam, I caught a good look in the mirror and wasn't real thrilled with what I saw. I look like a puffy-eyed troll. When I called my boss and told her what was going on, she said I had the same thing she had when she called in sick last week. I know I shouldn't feel guilty about calling in since I really am sick and I don't want anyone else to get sick because of me, but I hate not going to work. I don't like to make extra work for the people who are there and Mondays are a short staffed day as it is. Guh.

Cold wash cloth for the puffy eyes, hot tea for the chest and head, tiger balm for the achy muscles and I should be back in business by morning. Now someone entertain me because I hate being cooped up here with nothing to do and no one to talk to, dammit.

Habby *cough, clear throat, sniff* Buther's Day

Though I tried to deny it yesterday and went out anyway, I am officially sick. You can only lie to yourself until you wake up with Sahara desert dry mouth, swollen glands just below your ears and several of your consonant sounds start to come out as "b"s. You're not deaf, just sick. May as well accept it, drink as much lemon tea and eat as many oranges as your scurvy-free body will let you. Luckily for her, Shauna left today for Chicago and won't be back until Saturday so she won't have to be subjected to me being a whiny little bitch. Remember the scene in When Harry Met Sally where they're on the phone and Harry starts moaning and continues even after they hang up? Yeah, that's me today. But I digress.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!! *hugs and kisses*

I'll Take "Stupid Moves" For $1000, Alex...

I went to NW 23rd today to look at frames for the glasses I still need but haven't gotten. There's a place over there called Reynolds and all of their frames are ultra trendy and ultra spendy. Of course, I found a pair I liked that looked good but about had a heart attack when I looked at the price of the frames alone ($250!!!!). I had them write down the info, keep it on file for me and left with my bank account still intact. I started walking back downtown on Burnside and as I walked by Jeremiah's store, I found myself compelled to go in and say hi. I told him I was on my way home from shopping and just wanted to see if he was still being a bastard. Very smooth. Funny enough, he said yes....no offense to me...but he's just a bastard. He had to answer the phone and I was just going to go without saying anything but ended up waiting and actually talking to him for few minutes. He was pretty much his normal self and even teased me about something I said. At that point, I had to get out of there. What I want to know is why does that guy have to be so damn charming? He really is a bastard.

In other news, I'm dressing up and going out with the single girls from work tonight. Dudes beware.

Hot Wax and You

So, I've been thinking again about going to school to become an esthetician. The only thing holding me back is the Brazilian bikini waxing dealie. Guh.

I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

Today, my company had it's regional quarterly brunch - 2 hours of food and games designed to encourage interaction between the various area properties' staffs and recognize the outstanding staff members with a mock awards ceremony. I would like the record to show that I already had a speech prepared thanking the Academy and all the little people (and by little I do mean short) who helped me get to where I am today, but I didn't win squat. I wasn't an outstanding achiever in any category nor was I selected to participate in the Who's Line Is it-a-thon that preceded the awards distribution. Am I complaining? Not a chance. Know why? A resident brought me a miniature rose plant the other day to thank me for going above and beyond for them while they were on vacation. Yesterday, a resident was annoyed enough that someone had been rude to me that he offered to call me right before I went home to tell me how wonderful and appreciated I am. My co-workers all signed a card the other week for me to let me know how much they appreciate everything I do for them each day. Did I need to be acknowledged in front of the entire regional staff? Nope. I know I'm appreciated. That's better than any goofy award.

Deeply Romantic Thoughts

Every morning, I wake up (unencumbered by pajamas, thankyouverymuch) and think to myself, "Today is the day I will meet The One." Sadly, every night I go to bed without having met Jet Li or Keanu Reeves. Damn.

Questions and Answers

I don't know what possesses me to answer these questionaires but I can't help myself. In case you ever cared to know any of this stuff, here:

1. Are all drugs bad? Take two Aleve and call me in the morning.
2. Are rules ever meant to be broken? Nope. Doesn’t stop people from breaking them though.
3. Best site? Worst site? It’s a toss-up between the hamsterdance page and the all your base are belong to us page…for both.
4. Can hamsters fly planes? Um…no. They can dance like their pants are on fire though.
5. Complete the sentence: I just can't stop ______ listening to Justin Timberlake’s song “Rock Your Body” so somebody shoot me.
6. Describe the color "Red" in your own words, without using the word "Red" in your reply. Well, ok, you know the color the sky turns when the sun is setting or the color cherries turn when they ripen or the color of a Big Gulp cup? Yeah, that’s it.
7. Do we reside in our body or our mind? Both.
8. Do you believe in Community or Anarchy? Community
9. Do you believe in the Matrix? I believe The Matrix is a badass movie…
10. Do you jive? Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?
11. Do you love your nifkin? That’s an awfully personal question…
12. Do you play any instruments? if so, what? Used to play piano, but now I just sing in the shower.
13. Do you read the bible? Nope…three times was more than enough for me.
14. Do you think anyone with the initials JD is cool? Besides the guy from Scrubs, I don’t know any JDs.
15. Do you wear pyjamas to bed? Or what? No way…I wear pajamas around the house and then take them off to go to sleep.
16. Does this look like a rash to you? Don’t touch me.
17. Dude! Where's my car? I’m not playing your Chinese take-out games.
18. Got a favourite cartoon character? Invader Zim
19. Have you been saved? Saved from what?
20. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? No, but this one time, at band camp…
21. Have you ever felt that you'd amount to something someday? I’ve always been something so I’ve never thought about it.
22. Have you ever sucked dick for crack? huh?! well....have you? Not for crack…wait, did I just type that out loud?
23. Hottest human being? After last night’s SNL, Ashton Kutcher jumped up there with Angelina Jolie and this guy I know…
24. How many pairs of left shoes do you have? I don’t have any pairs of left shoes. What kind of crackhead question is that?
25. How many tee shirts do you have? I have no idea…. A lot.
26. How much coffee do you drink anyway? More than I should, but not as much as most people I know.
27. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? <---- Have you ever actually seen a woodchuck? Do you even know what chucking wood is? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
28. How would you solve world hunger? I have no idea.
29. If I were to rummage through your handbag or briefcase whilst you went swimming, what might I find? The real question is, who in the hell brings their briefcase to the swimming pool? But anyway…you’d find my wallet, a bunch of lipgloss, some old receipts and my keys.
30. If you could meet one person from past history, who would it be and why? I don’t want to meet anyone from history….they’d be all dead and crusty…eww.
31. If you could take a lifetime supply of one flavour of Popsicle on a desert island that you'll be stuck on forever, what flavour would it be? Lemon
32. If you like the Beastie Boys at all, which would you say is their best album? Check Your Head is my favorite, but I love Hello Nasty and Paul’s Boutique too.
33. Is guerrilla art/public space reclamation justifiable? Justifiable? Not really…but I dig it anyway.
34. l33t or street? Say wha?
35. Madonna Created Sex. True or False? False. Madonna had a lot of sex, made a book called Sex and has a bunch of songs people could have sex to, but she didn’t create sex.
36. Pencil or pen? I refuse to choose. I must have both.
37. Pets: dogs, cats, or dinner? Dogs.
38. Photography: colour or black & white? I like both….damn you with your pick one or the other questions!
39. Plexus, Nexus, or Sexus? Um, yeah….so how about those Trailblazers, huh?
40. Smoke? You couldn’t pay me enough money.
41. Soda, or Pop? Soda.
42. Spanking the monkey. Good fun, or animal cruelty? Spank it!
43. Stupid is as stupid does? Nah…just ‘cause you do something stupid doesn’t mean you are stupid.
44. What are you listening to? Right this second, I’m listening to my friend’s band’s cd, the washing machine on the spin cycle, the buttons of a shirt hitting the inside of the dryer, and my roommate talking to me.
45. What are your goals in life and work? Just to be happy in whatever I do.
46. What colour are the walls of your bedroom? White…blah.
47. What colour are your shoelaces? Black.
48. What did you dress as for Halloween this year? Dead prom queen. I couldn’t take the pressure…ha.
49. What do you like about your neighbourhood? It’s close to everything, but still quiet.
50. What films do you recommend? Office Space, Guy Ritchie’s stuff, Kevin Smith’s stuff, John Hughes’ 80’s movies, Midsummer Night’s Dream (most recent one), Run Lola Run, …..so many more…
51. What is the airspeed of an African swallow? Really damn fast.
52. What is your dream job? Fashion editor for a magazine or make-up artist for movies.
53. What is your favourite book? All time favorite is Alice in Wonderland
54. What kind of music first grabbed your crotch, and rocked your little world? 80’s Euro pop….The Cure, Depeche Mode, Joy Division, The Smiths….woo!
55. What makes people think you are interesting? People think I’m interesting? Who knew?
56. What makes you happy? Rainy days, ice cream, clean sheets, a good book, music and the people I love.
57. What shoes are you wearing? No shoes at the moment…just socks ‘cause my feet get cold.
58. What stimulates you the most? Music and a good conversation.
59. What the fuck? Don’t make me come over there.
60. What time do you go to bed? Between 10pm and 2am….except this past Friday when I went to sleep at 7am.
61. What was your 15 minutes of fame? I haven’t had my 15 minutes yet.
62. What would we work for them do? <--- Is that even English?
63. What's the first swear word you learned? And how old and where were you when you said it? Asshole. I have my father to thank for that. It’s his favorite word. I knew this when I was about 4.
64. What’s the longest palindrome you can think of? That They Might Be Giants song "I Palindrome I" just keeps running through my head…thanks a lot.
65. What, pray tell, is your current occupation? (we promise to not judge you by your job.) Front office admin/accts payable for a property management company (on-site at a downtown high-rise community)
66. Where have all the cowboys gone? They’ve converged on Montana and are plotting a global beef industry take over.
67. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Last I heard, she was being chased across Morocco by some 5th grader on tv…
68. Where is your mother right now? Probably at her house.
69. Which city/country stole your wallet, and why? Between NYC, LA and London, I rang in Y2K broke as Hammer, yo.
70. Which people do you most respect? Anyone who lives their life doing what makes them happy.
71. Who do you NOT admire? There are a lot of people I don’t admire….but I’m not the admiring type….
72. Who has the worst disguise in superhero history?? The Hulk. Those frayed pants are sooo 80’s hair band.
73. Who’s the daddy? No comment.
74. Whose work might you say has influenced you? Most of the music I listen to influences me in some way….
75. Why not have some cake? It is really delicious, moist and sweet but not so much so that it is sickly... go on, have a slice...... <--- Are you taunting me? If I say ok, will you actually let me eat it? Because I’ve had about enough of your little mind games… you know what? Never mind. I don’t want any of your damn cake.
76. You have 24 hours to live, what do you do? I’d die in 24 hours. Duh.
77. Your favourite colour is? Black
78. Your favourite brand? Why? Don’t have one….though if I were rich and famous, I’d be sporting the designer duds like there was no tomorrow.

Dude, I Know This Dude!

Listen.

In other news, people around town will be celebrating all weekend the smack down that Mexico once upon a time layed on France. Not that folks need an excuse to get liquored up, but any time the French get spanked is cause for rejoicing. The party is down on the riverfront and the tequila and Sol cervezas will be flowing. One, two, cha cha cha...

The Ohm

Guess who I saw for the first time in almost two weeks this morning? Michael! Woo! He reminded me about his band's show at the Ohm this weekend so I'm gonna go. This time, I'm gonna stick around for a beer or two with him. Why? Because I can. I'm remembering now why I like being single.

Paging Matt Corrigan....

Someday, Matt will actually be free to go out and grab a beer or three and catch up. When that day comes, he will call me and I'll have shit to do. That is how things work and I've come to accept that. I still think he's an evil bastard.

It's All About Free Lunch

I have to be in seminars the next two days for work. While I'm not really keen on the idea of sitting in classes for three four hour stretches over two days, I am keen on free lunch. Fire it up.

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

So, I've been hanging out with this new guy David and he seriously cracks me up. He just says crazy stuff and then looks at me like, "What?" This is just what I needed to get back to my normal self and get to the point where even if Jeremiah was going to come around (which he isn't), I don't want him anymore. *sigh* It's good to be back.

Niceties

You know what's nice? Holding hands. With anyone. Just being friendly. Yeah, that's nice.

I Swear It's From Reading Too Much...

Ok, so I'm not going blind, but I do need to go get glasses. My old prescription gives me a headache and I can't sit and read or stare at the computer screen all day without getting eye strain and sleepy. So now that the insurance has kicked in, I'm going to look for frames this weekend. I'm gonna go trendy hipster... hot damn.

In other news, remember the unemployment phase of the moving to Portland plan? Thought it was over? So did I but I got two letters today from the state telling me I owe them money. It seems that when they cut the benefits because they decided my reasons for declining temp positions (being out of town on a day when I was called for a one day temp job and having an out of town guest on a day when I was called for a one day temp job) qualifies as failing to accept suitable employment, they continued to pay out when they shouldn't have and now they want $1242 back in overpaid unemployment benefits. Holy crap. Now I'm going to have to resort to selling crack to pay them because I just don't have it. A least that way, I can say the government made me do it...

Breaking The Code

I was just thinking about this the other day and it boggles my mind. As far as communication goes, I'm usually pretty good at it. However, I'm beginning to think there's a secret dude code that I need to learn. For example, when I say, "Let's watch a movie...," I actually mean that I want to watch a movie. It's becoming apparent that "Let's watch a movie" is actually secret dude code for "Let's throw a movie in and not watch it because I want to make out with you." This is something chicks just don't get. Is the movie on for background noise? Do you dudes just like the glow from the tv better than normal lighting? If I say "Let's watch a movie," do you think that's an automatic green light to make a move? What's the deal, yo?

Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I'm always looking to be educated on the inner workings of the male mind. Dudes are weird and I need all the help I can get.

Spongemonkeys

This has been around for awhile, but oh my gawd. Everytime I watch it I crack up. Owen e-mailed me today and all the he wrote is: "we like the moon." I busted up just thinking about it. I so needed that. I'm tired of feeling hurt.

I Am A Sucky Daughter

Oh my gawd. I can't believe I didn't call my mom on her birthday yesterday. I suck. And even though she got her present from me the day before, I still wanted to say happy birthday on her actual day. I was planning on calling right when I got home, but then I got sidetracked and distracted and....crap, I don't even have a good excuse! I'm just an idiot.

So, anyway, happy birthday Mom. I love you and I hope your day was great. Let's just pretend this little snafu never happened, mmmkay?

Hippity Hop

Easter was swell and it was nice to hang out with my family. Now that I've got the niceities out of the way, on to the meat of the post:

I've been feeling nostalgic for those hippity hop things that my grandmother had at her house when I was a kid. You know what I'm talking about - it's a big ball with a loop on top where you hold on and then you straddle the ball and grip on with your knees and bounce around the yard or down the street or wherever. They need to make those for grownups. They also need to make Big Wheels for grownups. Same plastic construction, same forward/reverse pedalling action, same high speed skid potential, but bigger. I'd like to think that grownup size hippity hops and Big Wheels would make the world a happier place and heal broken hearts and get rid of stress and....yeah. But who am I kidding...they'd just be freakin' cool!

Saturday Morning...The Aftermath

Do not, I repeat do not try to drown your sorrows in a bottle of white zinfandel on a Friday night with an equally sorrowful roommate. It will only result in making your perfectly good Saturday morning sucky. I'm not hungover but the self-loathing for doing something so ridiculous is making up for the lack of headache and dehydration. To combat this ugly feeling, I've decided that today is a walking day. Every so often I declare an official walking day, put on sneakers and walk until it hurts. Then I walk some more. When I finally get home, I'm so tired that I sleep like the dead and feel really good the next morning. Today might be the day I try to walk across one of the six bridges here in Portland. No promises on that but if the noise in my head and the music piping in through the headphones is distracting enough, I might actually make it half way before the anxiety attack hits me. It's worth a try at least... If I do get across the bridge on foot without incident, I'll let you know.

*later*

I rode the bus home because the above idea was a very, VERY bad one. I do not recommend screwing with phobias as they do not enjoy being taunted. Possible phobic reactions include strained breathing, vertigo and a pounding headache. While I did manage to get all the way across the bridge by not stopping to sightsee, not looking right, left, up or down and humming loudly along to the cd that was playing, I'm going to have to ban myself from all further pedestrian/bridge activity. Thankyouandgoodnight.

Why, Why, Why?

Ok, I know I said I was done talking about it, but after this I'm really done. Honest. So, all day at work, my co-workers kept saying I wasn't acting like my normal self. The folks who know the story kept saying, "It's his loss." What crap. If it's his loss, why am I the one who feels the void? Damn, damn, damn. This frickin' sucks.

Ok, I'm done.

Got Music?

Mixed cds. Show me whatchoo got. Or trade me song for song...e-mail me for details.

Recently rediscovered VAST. The album Music For People is rocking my world right this minute.

On a totally unrelated note, I've been reading some of Ezra's stuff and the way he translates his view of the world makes me smile. If it's possible to be in love with someone's words, I am with his.

Bizarro World

I wish I could let you hear the message that was left on my voice mail by an unavailable number last night. It sounds like a snippet from a cartoon or old radio show or something. I can't quite make out what the announcer guy is saying but it sounds something like, "Beavers are happy! They build things..." and then there're some weird whiz honk zing type sound effects.

Frankly, I wish everyone would leave bizarre messages for me. That one cracked me up. I'd just like to know who sent it. You know what else? I'd like to know who's spending 86 minutes reading my blog from russian time zone 3....or wherever else you people are reading it from. Who's reading this besides the folks I already know? Don't be shy...say hello...leave a comment...tell me you think I suck....whatever. Just say something. Anything.

Rebuilding The Fortress

I called him last night and asked if he'd be at work today so I could come by to return the book I borrowed and get back the cd I lent him. He said he would be and that was that. I went, he asked how I was, I said fine, I asked how he was, he said good, we traded book for cd, I said I had to go back to work, he said he hopes I have a good day and that was that. I didn't even cry...until after I left the store. So now I'm done making an effort and I'm done talking about it and that's that.

Tea For...Yeah, Just Make That One. *pout*

I've taken to drinking lemon or ruby tea in the evenings for the last five days. I'm giving it credit for making me sleep better than I usually do when I'm nursing hurt feelings. It clears the mind a little and lets the frustration about the heartache surface. The questions have become, "How could I have misjudged a situation so severely?" and "Why would someone get so close to me and then shut me out competely?" and "Was I abducted by aliens for those two weeks and if so, when and where does the next spaceship pick up?"

I'm just asking for one nice guy. Just one. Why is that so much to ask?

All's Fair....Not.

You know what's not fair? When you're thinking about someone and want to let them know but "aren't supposed to" because of some "rule" that dictates "appropriate behavior" after someone says they "need space." You know what else isn't fair? The fact that overly using quotation marks makes you look like a pretentious asshole and a complete moron. Damn grammar rules ruining my fun whinyness.

Yesterday, Owen came over and we went to Pambiche for beers, appetizers and dessert. During the course of the conversation, he told me he thinks I let people walk all over me more often than I should and that I need to be more assertive about what I want and letting people know when they've pissed me off. The more I think about it, the more I think he's probably right. I know my friends get upset when they see me get hurt because they care about me. And I seem to let a lot of things slide that hurt my feelings by acting like they don't bother me. Well, I'm hurt. I admit it. People hurt my feelings all the time because I'm sensitive. They don't know they're doing it, so I don't expect them to change. More often than not, it's not even what someone has done...it's what they haven't done that I wish they would do ( I know, that's not fair....but too bad, that's how I feel ). My feelings get hurt because I feel neglected. I'm not starved for attention by any means, as I get plenty of that from my folks and my roommate. It's more that a small amount of romantic attention is given to me and I enjoy the person's company so much that it feels hellacious to have it taken away, mostly because I'm not sure I'll ever get it back. It's like chocolate...if you've never been exposed to chocolate, you don't know what you're missing so you don't care. But if you're given a taste, you like it and then you're not sure if you'll ever get it again, it's all you can do not to think about it all the time. It takes over your brain and sneaks into random conversations until you do get it again. And if you don't ever get it again, it'll drive you mad.

....damn, now I want chocolate....

Sunday Set List

Lamb - "Feela"
pohgoh - "friend x"
Rilo Kiley - "The Frug"
Fleming and John - "Ugly Girl"
Abandoned Pools - "Start Over"
Jimmy Eat World - "For Me This Is Heaven"
Elbow - "Newborn"
Trust Co - "Hover"
Lamb - "Gorecki"
Joydrop - "Beautiful"
Alien Ant Farm - "Summer"
Matthew Sweet - "Sick Of Myself"
The Cure - "Halo"

Everyone Says The Same Thing

I am apparently the worst at hiding emotions. Even when I haven't said anything about how messed up I'm feeling, my friends know. The ones who don't read this and ask how things are going, I mean. They've all said I don't sound like my normal self and want to know if I'm ok. I've gotten in the habit over the years of saying that I'm fine (which I suppose is just wishful thinking about when I will be) and then explaining what's going on to make me sound "not ok." The last two days, after giving the Reader's Digest Condensed version of the story, I've gotten the same response from everyone: don't worry about it, he'll be back. I don't know why it's so hard to believe them...

Anyway, I'm supposed to be hanging out with Owen today. It was raining earlier this morning but if it stays clear like it is now, I'd suggested wandering around somewhere so I'm wishing the clouds away. I always have a good time with him even if we're just sitting around doing nothing. Funny how that works now after having such a rocky history together and having been hurt so badly by him way back when. I guess it's always been in my nature to forgive and give people multiple chances to mess up and still keep trusting them if they've managed to get close to me. There aren't many people whom I'd consider "in" but I've learned that if they can hurt me, they must be in or I wouldn't care and therefore wouldn't be hurt.

Don't Push Me

Anytime I've been interested in someone and they've pushed me away, I've let them. I let every one go and never once put up a fight or called them on being scared. I just walked away. I'm not going to do that this time. I'm not going to let him push me away. Things were getting too good to just let him go and give up.

And just as soon as he calls me, I'm gonna tell him.

Cry-yi 'in Over You

There really is a song for every occasion. Right on.

Being the mature adult that I am, and the emotional, crying mess that I can be, I decided that what has been plaguing me for the last three days is the communication breakdown. So what do I do? I call him, get his voice mail and leave the following message: "Hey, it's me...I know you said you were tired and were just going to go home, but I actually want to hang out with you at some point and it kind of seems like... you don't. So, just call me and let me know what's up with you..." About five minutes later, after I'd called Josh for a cheer up or I'll kick your ass talk, I got a message back that went like this: "Hey, it's me...just calling to return your phone call...yes, I'm tired...and what's going on with me is sometimes I just want to be alone...that's just how I am sometimes so that's what's going on...you can call me back if you want, but I'll probably be asleep so you can leave a message..." How does this make me feel? A little hurt, but only because he didn't just tell me that. Just as I finished leaving a message in response, the phone rang and it was him. Basically, I let him know that it's ok to want time to yourself and I'm the same way about taking space when I need it, but it would have been nice if he'd told me instead of just cutting me off. I told him it made me feel like I must have done something wrong. He said he has a tendency to push people away, that it wasn't me and that he was sorry. I told him I like being around him and enjoy his company but didn't want to invade his space or make him feel obligated to hang out with me so when he wanted to see me, he'd have to call me. And that was that. I don't know what's supposed to happen now....

All By Myseeellllf

There is no lonlier feeling than being given everything you want and then having it taken away. I'm learning that there's a difference between missing someone and pining for them. So, while it's all great and good to get swept up in a whirlwind romance, it makes things far too complicated. I've known Jeremiah for a little over two weeks and already I care. I shouldn't but I do. The things he says and the things he does don't always match up and it's confusing and hurtful. And I could totally be blowing this out of proportion but I guess you have to be here to see what he's doing to me. I'm not myself. I'm not a needy person. I'm not. Dammit.

In other news, I saw Michael this morning and he's talked me out of joining a convent. At least this week.

Soundtrack to my world as of right now : Trust Co. - The Lonely Position of Neutral

It'd Be Easier If They Just Went Away

We know better than to let people get too close too quickly. We know better than to trust most men. We know better than to take things for granted because, as soon as we do, they get taken away. We all know better but we do it anyway and then we cry. And it's our own stupid fault. Sometimes I wish we weren't so eager to please and give of ourselves because then we wouldn't feel slighted when things don't go as we hoped. Maybe if we stopped hoping, we wouldn't always be so disappointed.

I can so understand why people become alcoholics.

Losing Myself

I need music for these words I wrote...

I guess the girl I once was has disappeared
And going to extremes gets me nowhere
I find myself acting boldly weird
Though I used to shy away from his blatant stare

And when he calls
I find myself saying things
That make me
Not like me at all

I'm losing myself

The closer he gets, the less of me there is
All the things I stand for will fall
I'm starting to wonder if these thoughts are mine or his
And if his heart could really be so small

And when he calls
I find myself saying things
That make me
Not like me at all

The Voice Of The Future

To precurse this, I have to mention that nothing out of the ordinary happened last night while I was awake. However, I had a glimpse of the future last night in a dream and when I woke up I knew that one day, he's going to break my heart. It won't be intentional, but it'll happen. I can feel it. And he has no idea. It must be nice to live in a bubble of oblivion.

In other news, I got some faboo black cropped pants last night. If Portland floods, I'm so ready.

Coo Coo Coo Choo

The boy came back yesterday afternoon. After three phone calls Saturday night, while I was rocking out at the Fez, telling me he missed me and was pretty miserable in the cold, wet, muddy hole he spent part of his evening in, I was happy to see him and he was glad to be home. During one of the calls on Saturday night, he said it was my fault that he was so miserable since he never used to miss home when he went out on drills and the only thing he had to look forward to coming back to was his job. Now he missed me and just wanted to come home to see me. How sweet! He called yesterday around 3ish to let me know he was about 10 minutes away and to come over and meet him while he was still in his uniform (I'd mentioned I wanted to see him in it). After he took a shower and changed, we went back to my place to watch The Ninth Gate, Office Space and Sleepy Hollow. Finally fell asleep around midnight while he was reading a book. ...I really didn't want to get up this morning...

Little. Plaid. Different.

After work last night, most of the office went to the Portland City Grill up on the 30th floor of the US Bank building. Oh. My. Gawd. Awesome sushi, awesome martinis, awesome view of the whole city. The tab split between me, Jenn and Steph R. only ended up being $22 each including the tip. And a bunch of other people from the other properties the company owns around town showed up, so we had a big group and everyone had a good time. Around 8ish, Jenn took me home so I'd have time to change and get ready to go back out to the Ash St. Saloon to see Garmonbozia.

When I showed up at the club, Michael was standing over near the bar by himself with a beer in hand and waved me over as I walked in the door. He said they were playing in four minutes and that I should get a beer and he'd see me after their set. A couple of the guys from the Bella Fayes I know were there, so I had a beer with them and found out that the guy who produced their album was also producing the album Garmonbozia is in the studio recording, so that's how they'd heard about them and thought they'd come check out the show. I'm not usually self-conscious about being at a show by myself since I'm going to hear the band, not to schmooze and play the meat market, but it was nice to have people there I knew besides the guy playing bass on stage. I liked everything they played and after it was over, I talked to Shane and Lael for a few, saw Tracy and Sherrie and talked to them for a few and decided to head home. Outside, the Garmonbozia guys had finished loading their gear into their van and were figuring out what they were all going to do for the rest of the night. Michael saw me come out and came over to hug me and thank me for coming and apologize for the technical difficulties at the end of the set. I told him that the last song they played was actually my favorite and he said he'd put it on a cd for me... awww. :) I told him I was going to stick around and have another beer with him, but I was tired and needed sleep. He said he'd see me Monday, finally called me Tiff instead of Tiffany and gave my arm a little nudge for the fourth or fifth time during the conversation.... ah, beer - the key to unlocking the shy man's social skills. I about fell asleep on the bus ride home and don't even remember turning off the light last night before sleeping like dead until 9:30 this morning. I like nights like that...

The Best Website EVER.

Go here. You know you want to... look up janky while you're visiting.

Having Your Cake

Well, now that we've got the whole "I don't want a girlfriend right now, I just really enjoy spending time with you/You can't tell me you're falling for me one day and that you don't want a girlfriend the next" conversation out of the way, it has been brought to my attention that I'm janky. Yes, you heard me, janky. I was told I need to quit being so janky. I'm not altogether sure what that means, but it was said to me after I called him a sucky boy and pushed him away from cuddling me. After that, it got ridiculous, we kept laughing and we returned to the previously scheduled cuddling, but there was never any explaination about the jankyness or the not wanting a girlfriend. *grumble, grumble*

In other news, he's introduced me to some new music. Two bands called Reggie and the Full Effect and Finch. Ahh, emo. Plus, he made me a cd with both of those bands and threw two Cure songs on the end, one of which I'd never heard before but has become my new favorite Cure song - it's called "Halo." At least he's good for something...

Distractions

Obviously, I've been a slacker. For that, I apologize. One day, there will be a way to plug the computer into my brain and download everything I have wanted to write for the last few days but haven't had the time. Until then, I'll try to make more of an effort to get back to a daily update. Though it's no excuse for slacking, I can honestly say that in 29 years, I have never been consistently treated as well by a guy as I have in the past seven days. I have never bonded with someone so quickly nor felt so quickly at ease with someone before. I've never wanted to spend all of my time with someone and had that feeling reciprocated before. Crazy.

On a less squishy note, Jeremiah is heading out of town for drills this weekend, so I'm heading out on my own to the Ash St. Saloon tomorrow night to see Michael's band, to the Fez Ballroom to see Dr. Theopolis on Saturday night and if my favortie jackass Matt gets his shit together, there are beers to be had on Sunday. At some point, I'm gonna have to watch Office Space this weekend because I've had that song "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" in my head all day and that means I'm due to watch it again. Word.